by yosemite610 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:12 pm
JenniesTears wrote: But.. but.. but...... If i feel these good things, and the pain is so little it doesn't poison my emotions and feelings.... Why For The Love Of God-Do I Still Want To Get High??????? Nothing good came from the drugs.. and all around - i generallyfeel good, naturally! What is this???!!???
It occurred to me, after years of sobriety, that when I was thinking of relapsing, I was feeling the same kind of feelings I used to feel before I ever started using/drinking. What was frustrating is that it took me a long time to realize what those feelings were (I had been so good at burying them); fear, dis-comfort, anxiety, dis-ease. My addiction (to alcohol or drugs or sex or gambling, etc., etc., ad nauseum.), my dis-ease, didn't get treated when I stopped 'medicating' myself.
When I stopped I was left with untreated addiction. I had made a change to a symptom, not the 'disease'. After years of struggling to do this thing my way (with only small successes, and several relapses), I decided to start taking advice. I went to meetings (this alone didn't keep me sober), I got a sponsor (again, this by itself didn't keep me sober), and I let him take me through the steps (which required me believing in a higher power; Something I wasn't sure was possible).
With those three, I have not only been able to stay sober, but enjoy much better relationships, see much more beauty around me, have more patience (not the grit your teeth kind, but the kind you might feel as a parent with your child), and most important to me today: Feeling peace in my life, peace with others, at ease with my 'existence'. Hope that makes some sense ;')
I experience frustration and disappointment. Life still comes at me at an angle I often dislike. I have financial difficulties, romance is scary thought I yearn for it... Life is still life, but I handle it soo differently. I'm adding this 'cause I didn't want it to sound like my life is all rosey ;')
When I started treating the disease (with the steps/sponsor) the symptom of desire/obsession went away.
[quote="JenniesTears"] But.. but.. but...... If i feel these good things, and the pain is so little it doesn't poison my emotions and feelings.... Why For The Love Of God-Do I Still Want To Get High??????? Nothing good came from the drugs.. and all around - i generallyfeel good, naturally! What is this???!!??? [/quote]
It occurred to me, after years of sobriety, that when I was thinking of relapsing, I was feeling the same kind of feelings I used to feel before I ever started using/drinking. What was frustrating is that it took me a long time to realize what those feelings were (I had been so good at burying them); fear, dis-comfort, anxiety, dis-ease. My addiction (to alcohol or drugs or sex or gambling, etc., etc., ad nauseum.), my dis-ease, didn't get treated when I stopped 'medicating' myself.
When I stopped I was left with untreated addiction. I had made a change to a symptom, not the 'disease'. After years of struggling to do this thing my way (with only small successes, and several relapses), I decided to start taking advice. I went to meetings (this alone didn't keep me sober), I got a sponsor (again, this by itself didn't keep me sober), and I let him take me through the steps (which required me believing in a higher power; Something I wasn't sure was possible).
With those three, I have not only been able to stay sober, but enjoy much better relationships, see much more beauty around me, have more patience (not the grit your teeth kind, but the kind you might feel as a parent with your child), and most important to me today: Feeling peace in my life, peace with others, at ease with my 'existence'. Hope that makes some sense ;')
I experience frustration and disappointment. Life still comes at me at an angle I often dislike. I have financial difficulties, romance is scary thought I yearn for it... Life is still life, but I handle it soo differently. I'm adding this 'cause I didn't want it to sound like my life is all rosey ;')
When I started treating the disease (with the steps/sponsor) the symptom of desire/obsession went away.