Falling And Getting Back Up (The Need To Beat This Is Real)

Forum rules
Please consider replying to an existing message. It only takes a minute and you may help someone else in need. A simple word of encouragement goes a long way.

Post a reply

This question is a means of preventing automated form submissions by spambots.
:D :) :( :o :shock: :? 8) :lol: :x :P :oops: :cry: :evil: :twisted: :roll: :wink: :!: :?: :idea: :arrow: :| :mrgreen:
BBCode is OFF
Smilies are ON
Topic review

Expand view Topic review: Falling And Getting Back Up (The Need To Beat This Is Real)

Re: Falling And Getting Back Up (The Need To Beat This Is Re

Post by Lookingforhelp2018 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:18 am

Wow, I really connected with your story, but in a female version. I also have two amazing kids and a wonderful husband. I too recently lost my job, am not sure if I can get unemployment and feel like a total and complete piece of shit and failure not only to my family but to myself. I have no clue how this disease got a hold of me but it definitely has his grip on me. I can go for days, weeks, even months without drinking but the moment I pick up that first drink, it is off to the races as my husband likes say. I love seeing the smiling faces of my kids when I am not drinking but I also see the lack of trust they have because I have let them down so many times in the past I have no reason for picking up that first drink and everyone seems to want to know why I do. Everything in my life was going so well, good job, great kids but I feel like the more things go right the more I get into a self-destructive mode. I am totally and completely depressed right now and trying my hardest not to run out to the liquor store. I should be at work right now, I was great at my job but let my addiction take that from me yet again. So I completely understand about feeling like a blob of shit! Everyone tells me things happen for a reason and better things are on the way as long as I stay sober. God I hope that is true. Trying to look forward to the New Year

Thanks for listening to me.

Falling And Getting Back Up (The Need To Beat This Is Real)

Post by Joecroll86 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:21 am

Hello All,

My name is Joe I joined cause I keep failing my family and my self last night I broke my word and had a drink again after not drinking for 11 days the urges the pulls its so real I have never done a drug in my life and I feel that this is just like the worse drug of them all. Its so cheap to get the fix 3 dollars and your set its wrong I feel my will power over this problem is pulling me into the pit I got 3 wonderful kids and the most amazing wife who is sticking with me even though I feel like a complete blob of shit right now. I lost my job and my whole situation around me has been slowly going down the tubes for more then a year unemployment ran out I cant find a job to provide for my family everywhere I apply I cant find a living wage so I get utterly depressed and drink my self stupid to try and numb the stress this was before 11 days ago when I truly made the commitment to quit. I know in my life in last year or 2 I have attempted to quite here and there and wound up back on the wagon but 11 days ago I truly wanted to never feel the fucking feeling of utter dumbness/ that numbs the front of my mind and then have the weight of the world smash me in the face last night I snuck out while wife was sleeping and I went out bought 2 cans of 4 loko sour apple 14 percent abv and snuck them in the house like a common up to no good piece of shit and chugged the first can next to my pc by my self then utter guilt of what I did just depressed me so i dumped the other one and I tried to hide this utter betrayal to my wife in the Chinese bag next to my desk where I had done the deed. I could have easily thrown the stuff outside and brushed my teeth and used mouth wash but i climbed in bed and tried to forget what I had done in morning when my wife got up she easily smelled that i consumed alcohol and went in the room i felt like i utterly broke her heart I was doing so good but my god the pulls and urges how do people fight through this. I use to have to drink 12 pack and 2 malt beverages to get wasted but this one can made the urges die down i was not even close to wasted but it numbed part of me a bit while i sit on the couch for 3 hours prior going to bed. I feel guilty but the urge and the shakes went away is this normal with quitting something like this if I can push my self and hold back and push it away for 2 weeks 3 weeks a month each time pushing it further and further will this addiction be broken. Is falling off like this do i just get back on the bike and pedal and try not to fall off or get hit by a car because i dont like the way it makes me feel but my body does at the time and only for moments i enjoy my wife being happy for last 11 days and proud of me it made me feel like I was that person she met prior to this breakdown in my life. She is an amazing women i want to beat this not just for her and my kids but for myself I want her to have me the way I was and not this broken heap blob who fails her time and time again she found this site for me when i sat down at the pc this morning she had this site loaded to an AA meeting I will be attending at 7pm I never done this before at the holly family college in Philly I feel im on right steps of trying to beat this but I wanted to know if anyone attends this meeting at the college. Also I going to start to purge my body again drink 2-3 gallons of water daily through the next 7 days to purge the alcohol from my system i feel the water keeps you full but man the urges beat on the back of your mind but like last time after 7 days i felt amazing i was clear headed I truly wish I did not fall off I hate my self right now I am going to this meeting cause I think i need help from others who might know more about this then me

thanks all for those who take the time to read this I dont know if others go through this but i want to change that's what i am fighting for change for myself to do right for my family.

thanks again,