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Expand view Topic review: Relationships

Re: Relationships

Post by yosemite610 » Thu Dec 06, 2007 9:52 pm

I knew a woman who used to call them 'relationshits' :D

What does your sponsor say?

One of the definitions/symptoms of untreated alcoholism is self-centered-ness. Tough to have any healthy relationship with that kind of foundation. I would like to, and my sponsor told me I'm ready, but it still frightens me a bit.

I mean, here I'm just getting used to having healthy, somewhat-normal friendships, and I still worry how it will feel to get intimate (not the act, but the relationship part).

The concept about learning to love yourself first is a good one...

Good luck :wink: No one's really got the absolute answers for questions like these, but with peace and meditation you can often figure it out.

Re: Relationships

Post by banana » Fri Nov 30, 2007 10:50 pm

You know, when I first got sober 11 years ago, I was 19 and had an incredibly difficult time meeting people and dealing with the pain of losing my old friends and old places...when I met Greg, I had 6 months clean and he had 9 months. We dated for three years. As I look back on it, the relationship with him and the joy of being in love sober was a huge help to me during some of the dark times of my recovery and also helped me to let go of my using friends. I do believe he was put in my life for a reason. He still holds a special place in my heart although we do not talk now and I am marrying the love of my life in a couple of months.

However, what I did learn is that when we broke up, I was stunted in my recovery at about 6 months. While I was so concerned with being with him and all of the wonderful feelings, I did not focus on growing in the program and getting healthy. The break up was devastating since I did not have the tools to handle it.

You are going to do what you believe is best, but I would caution you to not make the same mistake that I did. Take care of your growth and your sober friends, work the steps and be willing to sacrifice the relationship if you need to focus on you.

Re: Relationships

Post by Guest » Tue Nov 27, 2007 11:46 pm

We all want to love, and be loved, but you have to ask yourself, are you both in the best place to determine that? The other half of me says - people are going to listen but not hear other people, they are just looking for confirmation to do what they want...

Re: Relationships

Post by guest » Sun Nov 18, 2007 7:27 pm

Thanks for the feedback and I have taken it to heart. :wink:

Re: Relationships

Post by Guest » Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:28 pm

That was a pretty wishy-washy answer by the previous poster...

I would say no... not now. Get your life in order first and let him get his life in order. It sounds like you like AA and like going. What happens if you have a fling and then break-up? Will you be able to go back to the room? Will he? Like a divorce... friends choose sides. Do you really need that in your first year of recovery?

The 13th step is the highest to fall from...

Re: Relationships

Post by Guest » Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:51 am

Concentrate on you

fix you first

you are both vurnerable


life is short

maybe it will help

you know best


Post by guest » Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:56 pm

I have been recovering for the last year with a slip of two weeks. I find myself growing to care for someone in the rooms.
My friend says this person has been interested in me since I came to the rooms. I have kept this to myself and look at this person and enjoy every thing that he says.
I find myself drawn to him more and more. I have changed my meetings to lessen contact.
My feelings are not really just attraction and that is what I am afraid.
I pray that my God's will be done.
I cry when this person shares because there is an inner beauty, he is lonely.
Despite meetings and sharing, I know he waits to see me.
any feed back?
thank you.