by bigeazy » Fri Sep 05, 2008 11:11 am
As I look back on my early sobriety, I've come to realize all I ever wanted to do was stop the pain and as soon as I felt better about me and the loved one's forgave me...well let me just say, It was a vicious cycle. The one thing I had to accept about myself, I really did'nt want to stop getting high...I did'nt know how to meet people,dance,laugh I truly did not know how to socialize....at least that's what I told myself the truth was,I was scared..scared to be judged,to be rejected,you know what I mean just not measure up..I guest I measured my insides to othed people's outsides..sobriety gave me freedom from that self imposed prison..no relapse..just wanted to fit in, at any cost my sponsor tells me there's no such thing as a relapse we just make choices and today I make different choices..AA gave me that...FREEDOM, thats my choice what a gift...
As I look back on my early sobriety, I've come to realize all I ever wanted to do was stop the pain and as soon as I felt better about me and the loved one's forgave me...well let me just say, It was a vicious cycle. The one thing I had to accept about myself, I really did'nt want to stop getting high...I did'nt know how to meet people,dance,laugh I truly did not know how to socialize....at least that's what I told myself the truth was,I was scared..scared to be judged,to be rejected,you know what I mean just not measure up..I guest I measured my insides to othed people's outsides..sobriety gave me freedom from that self imposed prison..no relapse..just wanted to fit in, at any cost my sponsor tells me there's no such thing as a relapse we just make choices and today I make different choices..AA gave me that...FREEDOM, thats my choice what a gift...