by dereonfierce » Wed Jun 10, 2009 6:15 pm
i recently found that i was a becoming a danger to myself drinking as heavily as i was. i finally decided to stop after i helped a girl that got taken advantage of by police in vegas. they brutalized her and girated on her and took pictures of her and i was the only one she felt comfortable coming to for help. i had met her 3 times before this. I came home and finally had a moment to feel and relate to all i helped her through. my sister had killed herself after being in an abusive relationship for 9 years and left behind her 5 year old daughter for me to guide. i had drown out my feelings and wasn't allowing myself to take anything positive away from the experience. I was also staying in an unhealthy relationship myself and realized i should take some of my own advice. i left my boyfriend in a jiffy, packed his stuff, moved my horses, and fired him from my business. i haven't drank since may 13th. i think to myself, why would i ruin that? but then i have days at my work where i feel like, why not ruin that? i'd like to pull my hair out and scream and i have no help, so why not? it's so negative to think but at the moment i run a business with 7 employees, i run a dog rescue and i have 7 horses and my sisters daughter... i am overwhelmed all the time and i am undermined by my male employees all the time. My friends, though they encouraged me to leave my boyfriend, are all unhappy with me now. so not only did i think i was doing the right thing by leaving him but now i am even more alone. i fell alone... all the time. i am surrounded by busy, work, work, work, than my animals all the time... so why do i feel so alone and barely supported? i confessed to few that i thought i had a drinking problem and my biggest fear was that, as a business owner and respected woman locally, that they would think less of me, and they seemingly do. i don't know what to do and i feel like i want to give up. please help me.
i recently found that i was a becoming a danger to myself drinking as heavily as i was. i finally decided to stop after i helped a girl that got taken advantage of by police in vegas. they brutalized her and girated on her and took pictures of her and i was the only one she felt comfortable coming to for help. i had met her 3 times before this. I came home and finally had a moment to feel and relate to all i helped her through. my sister had killed herself after being in an abusive relationship for 9 years and left behind her 5 year old daughter for me to guide. i had drown out my feelings and wasn't allowing myself to take anything positive away from the experience. I was also staying in an unhealthy relationship myself and realized i should take some of my own advice. i left my boyfriend in a jiffy, packed his stuff, moved my horses, and fired him from my business. i haven't drank since may 13th. i think to myself, why would i ruin that? but then i have days at my work where i feel like, why not ruin that? i'd like to pull my hair out and scream and i have no help, so why not? it's so negative to think but at the moment i run a business with 7 employees, i run a dog rescue and i have 7 horses and my sisters daughter... i am overwhelmed all the time and i am undermined by my male employees all the time. My friends, though they encouraged me to leave my boyfriend, are all unhappy with me now. so not only did i think i was doing the right thing by leaving him but now i am even more alone. i fell alone... all the time. i am surrounded by busy, work, work, work, than my animals all the time... so why do i feel so alone and barely supported? i confessed to few that i thought i had a drinking problem and my biggest fear was that, as a business owner and respected woman locally, that they would think less of me, and they seemingly do. i don't know what to do and i feel like i want to give up. please help me.