by JuMunchie » Mon Jan 03, 2011 2:10 pm
I admit I'm impatient many times over. How I hunted for years, I have no idea. I hear from other Al-anon people that I need to receive in God's time. In my higher power's time. Obviously I don't have a 100% concept of this.... because I don't have an idea of what a God means to me. Those steps will be the most difficult for me for sure.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and now Bi-polar. And, that doesn't make a good combination with an alcoholic. Not that anything really does.... but the yelling/screaming....
I think it makes me MORE on edge than other people.
She honestly picked a fight with me this morning. And, when I tried to defend myself (I'm 31), I got told to just shut up. She actually played bully parent on me. And, it's because of this, that many times over, I wish she would stay drunk. And, yes ironically when she is drunk, I either feel comfortable or ready for some level of sobriety. My own worst enemy for sure.
I'm getting a lot out of the meetings.... I go to (on average) 3 a week.... maybe 4.
Not everything in the meetings I like.... but again, a complete learning process.
In any event, how am I supposed to find peace when I'm being yelled at to shut up? The readings imply that running from the situation doesn't help. I was literally ready to rip something apart this morning. I'd love to call someone but she has this habit of listening in on phone calls. Certainly there must be a way. I don't have any books in front of me...
Maybe a reading, a saying, something would help?
I admit I'm impatient many times over. How I hunted for years, I have no idea. I hear from other Al-anon people that I need to receive in God's time. In my higher power's time. Obviously I don't have a 100% concept of this.... because I don't have an idea of what a God means to me. Those steps will be the most difficult for me for sure.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and now Bi-polar. And, that doesn't make a good combination with an alcoholic. Not that anything really does.... but the yelling/screaming....
I think it makes me MORE on edge than other people.
She honestly picked a fight with me this morning. And, when I tried to defend myself (I'm 31), I got told to just shut up. She actually played bully parent on me. And, it's because of this, that many times over, I wish she would stay drunk. And, yes ironically when she is drunk, I either feel comfortable or ready for some level of sobriety. My own worst enemy for sure.
I'm getting a lot out of the meetings.... I go to (on average) 3 a week.... maybe 4.
Not everything in the meetings I like.... but again, a complete learning process.
In any event, how am I supposed to find peace when I'm being yelled at to shut up? The readings imply that running from the situation doesn't help. I was literally ready to rip something apart this morning. I'd love to call someone but she has this habit of listening in on phone calls. Certainly there must be a way. I don't have any books in front of me...
Maybe a reading, a saying, something would help?