New at this. And very confused.

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Expand view Topic review: New at this. And very confused.

Re: New at this. And very confused.

Post by sgpt » Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:13 pm

Hi. I understand your feelings completely. My boyfriend of 4 years went to rehab (21 day inpatient) earlier this year. He did very well for just about 90 days. He has been having more and more "bad days" again. I had to send him to a hotel just now because I can't deal with his negative behavior when he is drinking. I am very angry right now and don't understand what brings him to this. I am also sad. He is such a wonderful person when he is sober. However, I am not sure how much more I can take. I feel like I am giving up, but I can't seem to help him. I know he has to help himself. I was looking for al-anon meetings and came across this message board and decided to join. This is my first post. Although I am no expert, your anger seems completely normal. I have been reading a lot and the clear message that I have gotten is that when the person is drinking/using, there is nothing you can do. You can't even reason with them or have a normal conversation. Has your sister gone to formal, inpatient rehabs? I know there are some detox centers right here in Philly, but I am sure they are not free. The person has to want to get better. Maybe the two of you can attend a meeting together? Good luck

Re: New at this. And very confused.

Post by lookingforpeace » Sun Jul 31, 2011 12:42 pm

I have had addicts in my life and have attended other 12 step meetings.
I am 51 years old and it was recommended for me to go to alanon after getting screamed at for making a mistake in work.
This has been going on for many years. The reason I am coming here is for help. I never really considered myself codependent. But, I cannot contiune working in a place that is hostile.
I need help. Has anyone ever had this problem?
I just went to the library and got Codependent No More, and read something about letting other people's mood affecting yours. I really need help. Thanks.

Re: New at this. And very confused.

Post by mtm56 » Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:28 pm

You are so not too old. I'm 55 and just began attending an ACOA mtg. My parents divorced, b/c of my father's alcoholism, when I was 24. My life has certainly not been hell but it'd have been easier and more fun if I dealt w. the affect that Dad's alcoholism had on me when I was in my 20's. Other than the fact that there were very few back then, I was also in denial. Didn't want to betray my father by talking negatively about him; also refused to accept that this issue had touched my life (in a HUGE way).
It is difficult to talk about. Go to a meeting or several. Talking is optional but, hopefully, will be helpful. It is good just to realize that others have been as confused as I have been.

Re: New at this. And very confused.

Post by stilldoingit » Mon Jul 25, 2011 5:11 pm

No, you don't have to talk, slip in slip out, but they will try to love you gently, just express your want for your anominity

Re: New at this. And very confused.

Post by dogtony71 » Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:58 am


You have taken a very important step and that is trying to help yourself. Congrats. I'm 40 and I'm the son of an alcoholic. My father had to go through a liver transplant and he's been sober for over 5 years.

1) Don't be afraid to talk about it. I'm sure you have 2-3 strong friends in your life or even your siblings. Talk to them. You are going to cry and that's ok.

2) If you want, go to an al-anon meeting. You don't have to talk. My sister and I went to one and it was very sad to hear some of the stories out there.

3) The most important thing to understand is: This is NOT your fault.

I wish you the best and I hoped this helped. Your siblings will appreciate you talking to them. Maybe they feel like you. I know that my sister was and always will be someone I can depend on to listen.

Good luck.

Re: New at this. And very confused.

Post by Aidansmommie10 » Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:00 am

You're not too old. And you don't have to talk at a meeting. I had a similar situation and I am about the same age as you. Most of the time when I went to Alanon I said nothing but just listened. And I got a lot from the meetings. It really helped. Eventually, when I felt comfortable enough to share my experiences too I did, but only when I wanted to. You don't have to share anything at all if you don't want. You certainly have a lot to gain from meetings and I also found the literature helpful.

New at this. And very confused.

Post by elicash » Sun Jul 24, 2011 11:48 pm

I'm 27. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. My folks divorced a few years ago because of it. It's kind of just hitting me now and I don't know how to not feel depressed. Bad sentence I know. But I don't want to talk about this, but I really, really do, if that makes any sense. I'm afraid to talk about it. And I don't want to think about it. But I know it's been eating away at me for years and I don't think I can live with it constantly under the surface. My siblings have tried to talk to me about it but I always brushed it off, or tried to talk about it, but felt fake, or somehow forcing it. If I go to an al-anon meeting do I have to talk? Am I too old for this? I hate feeling helpless and lost but that is how I feel and I don't want to talk to anyone I know about it. Thank you.