4 D U I 's and 2 in the past 6 months

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Re: 4 D U I 's and 2 in the past 6 months

Post by dianevrt » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:03 pm

Maris, until he is ready to change there is nothing you can do or say that will change anything.God himself can come down and give him an altermative,but guess what,if he's not done yet it won't happen.There is someone you can change and that's you and the way you are being his biggest enabler.My suggest to you is to try alanon,where you would learn how to cope with a spouse of addiction especically if you plan to stay in the relationship.There's just one thing he's concerned about right now,sad to say,but that's his next drink.You need to work on yourself at this point in remering that you have a life too,take care of yourself and when he's ready you'll not only know,but will see change.

Re: 4 D U I 's and 2 in the past 6 months

Post by abclimo » Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:50 am

Maris: You sure are in a difficult spot. He definitely has a problem and needs to quit drinking. He's looking to blame everyone else or everything else for his problems, when he's the one to blame. I also see the pattern of excuses, addicts are awesome at making excuses for everything. I agree, who wants to be with someone who is drunk when they are intimate, he probably won't remember how good/bad it was anyway. Until he's ready to admit that he has a problem, he won't take meetings seriously or won't take seriously getting help, either in the form of outpatient or inpatient rehab. At this point you are enabling him and that is bad. Most people who have the disease of addiction (alcohol/drug) use to cover up feelings or to make life easier to deal with. Using helps to deal with things you don't want to have to deal with, but when you sober up the problems are still there and are actually worse than they were. Good for you wanting your life back, you need to take your life back. You deserve to live a life of happiness, not such upheaval. You could try an ultimatum of either getting sober, or he's out the door. Definitely wouldn't buy him any more cars, they are vehicles of destruction in his hands and he's lucky he hasn't killed or seriously injured anyone yet. I know you will find the right path to travel to regain your life, it may definitely have bumps in it, but keep going, it will get better. You also need to take care of you, you are very important.

Re: 4 D U I 's and 2 in the past 6 months

Post by Maris715 » Thu Oct 13, 2011 2:53 pm

My husband of 2 years is a functioning alcoholic too. He has many DUI's and is due in court next week on another possible one. smdh - he hasn't had a steady paying job in almost 3 years - he quit over something trivial. He drives drunk and has lost several cars, all of them I bought him, due to his drinking. The last nice car he had, a BMW, he blacked out while driving and crashed into 2 other cars. The other cars fine - his totalled.

He starts drinking at 8:00 in the morning sometimes and doesn't stop until he's passed out somewhere with his buddies or one of them will bring him home. He's mad b/c we don't have sex like we used to. But WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH A SLOBBERING, STINKING DRUNK? I don't!! I must have bad karma because my 1st husband was a drug addict (cocaine) and that helped lead to his early death at 42. My current husband is 36, I'm 52. He says we have a vicious circle - he drinks because he doesn't get sex the way he wants it, or to get rid of the pain, and if he comes in drunk I don't find him desirable so there's no sex.

I'm ready to give up on this marriage. He refuses to go to rehab. He said when he was in jail (he's done 2 four year bids) he went to meetings. Lot of good they did. He doesn't like people messing with his head. Just 2 weeks ago he said he'd try rehab on an outpatient basis. HA! That never happened. Lip service. We tried counseling and that only last 2 meetings. He thinks it's a waste of time.

We don't do anything together and don't have anything in common. I've gained about 100 lbs. since I met him due to emotional eating. I want my life back!!!!

Re: 4 D U I 's and 2 in the past 6 months

Post by Living with a functioning Alcoholic » Sun Aug 14, 2011 6:05 pm

Our stories almost sound the same mamamia, Mine has 4 DUI's and is in denial as well. He takes it out on me, blames me for everything wrong in his life. After all the trouble and driving him around constantly for 2 years straight, he still drives drunk. I only had 7 beers, I'm not drunk. He forged his AA meetings for IDRC New Jersey. I finally got so mad one day after having a violent incident with him the night prior. He now is mandated to go and blames me. He walks out of the house and says "I gotta go to a meeting see you later" What an attitude.
NJ :?:

Re: 4 D U I 's and 2 in the past 6 months

Post by Guest » Mon Apr 25, 2011 2:35 pm

he's most definitely going to jail for quite a while.

4 D U I 's and 2 in the past 6 months

Post by mommamia » Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:24 pm

Yes you read it right! and why am I still with him??????????????? Read anyone 1 of the other comments and that's Why. When he is sober, great dad,hub.. yadda yadda yadda But instant a hole just add beer. Oh but he is "not an alcoholic" because... He drinks beer...He doesnt drink everyday...he doesn't hit me... he doesn't black out...OH and he was almost home and he was driving fine BTW....

I am soooo tired of it and I am so pissed! I work 3 jobs to pay his fines and lawyers fees I don't think so! I work to pay my daughters college and to have a nice life. I just dont know what is going to happen when he goes to court May 10 it was bad enough when he got #1 1991 the #2 2000 BUT now #3 11/10 and #4 St Patty's Day :( I think they will keep him for a long time. Does anyone have an idea what will happen? I know every case is different but any idea/experience?? He has been out of work and we have no insurance and he goes to AA once in a while but "they have problems" he doesn't ..He just "made a few bad choices" Uugggggggggggggggh Was was I so blind I was/am a daughter/sister/cousin/niece/granddaughter etc of alcoholics and both his parents were I am so DUMB and nieve. 20 years later finally opening my eyes