by Ed R » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:09 pm
Hi JC1945, My name is Ed. Before we start let me tell you a little about myself. I was an everyday drinker that lasted for about 18 years. Then I got sober and have remained that way for the last 20+ years. Today my life has never been better.And by me remaining sober I am no longer harming my family.
Ok, On to the issue with your son. I can only tell you from my addiction to alcohol and drugs what I have always believed my parents should have done. My parent were always doing things to help me and in return I put them through shear hell. The mental confusion and heart ache that my alcoholism caused them was immense. Nothing that they ever did REALLY made a permanent difference or helped me to get better. All there love and help only gave them temporary relief in knowing that they felt they were doing the right thing for me. They were wrong. And that's not to mention how it effected my alcoholism, They would live me money, I would buy booze. They would give me a place to live, I would go against there rules. They would try to talk to me about my problem, I would yell at them. They loved me, I showed them no love in return. This list could gone on and on. The real problem was the booze. It hide they person I really was and turned me into a DR. Jeckle and Mr. Hide. I would act kind when I needed something then disappear until I needed something else. My alcoholism was a cyclone of destruction that tore through their lives.
Now here is what they should have done. They should have stopped offering any help of any kind to me. Even if it meant that I slept outside. They should have treated me for what I really was, an alcoholic that was destroying myself and pulling those who loved me into a world of insanity. Plain and simple...they could not help me or save me from my path of destruction. If I was to die from alcoholism there would have been nothing they could have done to stop this from happening. These suggestions may be hard to accept or follow through with. Once you start telling your son that you will no longer offer to help him in any manner he will say things to you that will hurt you deeply and even get violent. Remember that he is sick. He suffers from the disease of alcoholism and you suffer from his disease too.
Might I make I suggestion to you and your wife. Get in touch with Alanon, It is a group of people just like you who suffer from the effects of your sons disease. You can look them up online or in your phone book. Perhaps they even have a support website. If you find a website that would be a great place to start. But find a local Alanon where you can have face to face interactions. There you will find a support and a better understanding of your sons disease and how to cope with it. Do not be ashamed to go. If I had a tooth ache I would go to the dentist, if I had a broken arm I would go to the doctors. You are suffering from the effects of an alcoholic, you'll find your solution in Alanon. Start going and don't stop going. Your answers will come. This is going to be hard on both of you. It could be the hardest thing you have ever done. you can not do this alone. The members of Alanon will do this with you. You are not alone.
I normally do not post on this sight but when I saw your post I felt compelled to reply. I will check this sight more often in case you wish to reply to me. I hope that nothing that I said offends ,hurts, or angers you. This is a disease like none other. It will take all you have to find peace within yourself. Take all measures possible to find you solution. I wish you and your family the serenity and comfort in knowing that you are not alone anymore.
Hi JC1945, My name is Ed. Before we start let me tell you a little about myself. I was an everyday drinker that lasted for about 18 years. Then I got sober and have remained that way for the last 20+ years. Today my life has never been better.And by me remaining sober I am no longer harming my family.
Ok, On to the issue with your son. I can only tell you from my addiction to alcohol and drugs what I have always believed my parents should have done. My parent were always doing things to help me and in return I put them through shear hell. The mental confusion and heart ache that my alcoholism caused them was immense. Nothing that they ever did REALLY made a permanent difference or helped me to get better. All there love and help only gave them temporary relief in knowing that they felt they were doing the right thing for me. They were wrong. And that's not to mention how it effected my alcoholism, They would live me money, I would buy booze. They would give me a place to live, I would go against there rules. They would try to talk to me about my problem, I would yell at them. They loved me, I showed them no love in return. This list could gone on and on. The real problem was the booze. It hide they person I really was and turned me into a DR. Jeckle and Mr. Hide. I would act kind when I needed something then disappear until I needed something else. My alcoholism was a cyclone of destruction that tore through their lives.
Now here is what they should have done. They should have stopped offering any help of any kind to me. Even if it meant that I slept outside. They should have treated me for what I really was, an alcoholic that was destroying myself and pulling those who loved me into a world of insanity. Plain and simple...they could not help me or save me from my path of destruction. If I was to die from alcoholism there would have been nothing they could have done to stop this from happening. These suggestions may be hard to accept or follow through with. Once you start telling your son that you will no longer offer to help him in any manner he will say things to you that will hurt you deeply and even get violent. Remember that he is sick. He suffers from the disease of alcoholism and you suffer from his disease too.
Might I make I suggestion to you and your wife. Get in touch with Alanon, It is a group of people just like you who suffer from the effects of your sons disease. You can look them up online or in your phone book. Perhaps they even have a support website. If you find a website that would be a great place to start. But find a local Alanon where you can have face to face interactions. There you will find a support and a better understanding of your sons disease and how to cope with it. Do not be ashamed to go. If I had a tooth ache I would go to the dentist, if I had a broken arm I would go to the doctors. You are suffering from the effects of an alcoholic, you'll find your solution in Alanon. Start going and don't stop going. Your answers will come. This is going to be hard on both of you. It could be the hardest thing you have ever done. you can not do this alone. The members of Alanon will do this with you. You are not alone.
I normally do not post on this sight but when I saw your post I felt compelled to reply. I will check this sight more often in case you wish to reply to me. I hope that nothing that I said offends ,hurts, or angers you. This is a disease like none other. It will take all you have to find peace within yourself. Take all measures possible to find you solution. I wish you and your family the serenity and comfort in knowing that you are not alone anymore.