feeling so hopeless

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Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by no in betweens » Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:59 am

I am sure you have heard it a million times. We are addicts, we have a disease and we are powerless over the substances we have become to love,only to destroy our life. I used to do cocaine a lot! Ever since I was 18, until about 4 or 5 years ago. I loved the rush,but hated the high. I couldn't stand the paranoia, and the fact that 100's of dollars was gone in the matter of hours. Even though I wanted to stop, I couldn't,because I kept on thinking of that rush. I went to meetings,rehab, you mane it I tried it. But one day I thought past the rush. Though about the feeling I had after I was done. It's hard because being addicted,our brains don't want us to think past the rush,it wants the rush.So, one day by accident, I saw a "friend" that I got high with,and I saw how he acted. It was bad. I knew I was worse, at least he could talk. It was psycho-babble, but he put words together. When I was on it, I couldn't talk. I was shaking,as he was. My thoughts were "lets do another line." Or I though I could take one hit on the pipe,and do little lines. I did all kinds of "tricks" to fool myself so I could do more. What I am trying to say, is the sight of someone high made me think that I do not want to be that way again!! I haven't done cocaine in 4 or 5 years!! But, I am not with out faults. About 3 years ago I started using heroin. I figured, what the hell, I have tried it in the past, I am not going to get addicted, besides I am not shooting it, I am going to sniff it! Well I am right back in hell!! It's different then the cocaine,crack hell. I need this shit to function. I am sick of it. But that's another story. I have to get ready for work. I wish you the best. And try to think past the rush. Think of the feeling of guilt, and all the bad stuff after you do it. Maybe that will help. Don't think you can trade your drug of choice. It don't work.....There is no in between!!

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by HappyGilmore » Tue Nov 08, 2011 10:00 pm

I'm thinking of going to my first meeting this weekend. I need some kind of support group. I do okay for a couple weeks or some such and fall off again.

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by abclimo » Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:39 am

William: Hi and welcome. You admit that you don't "have to much of a problem". But you're here, so you're telling yourself that you have a problem. Definitely go to a meeting and listen to what they have to say. You'll hear lots of people say they didn't think they had a problem until they got clean and could step back and look at their lives and then they realized how unmanageable their lives were and also how addicted they really were. My favorite to say was "I'm just a nice girl with a little drug problem", boy was that a load of crap. I was an addict, just like everyone else here is. It doesn't only have to be an addiction to alcohol/drugs, but you can just as easily be addicted to other things and that's something you'll hear shared in those rooms. Congrats on taking the first step, keep going, you can get clean and your life will be so much better for it.

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by williamz 215 » Mon Oct 17, 2011 8:44 pm

i myself am thinking of going to my first meeting tommorrow night. i dont actually think i have too much of a problem but i wanted to learn some techniques of preventing myself from indulging when i have the temptation

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by livenlelive » Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:32 am

Give yourself a break and stop sitting in self pity it wont get u anywhere. You do these things because your an addict that's what we do. Pick yourself back up and I suggest ..highley suggest that u do a 90 in 90 a mtg every day. U said it yourself you stopped going to mtgs. I'm sure that had a whole lot to do with it. Do mtgs meet people get a sponsor and do your steps! Good luck! Love from one addict to another! There is lots of hope hang on if u really want it just do it...u gotta do it all

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by L1veL1fe89 » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:13 pm

thanks again, all those things you told me to try, worked!

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by Need2beclean » Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:47 am

Keep coming back! I was always overwhelmed by thoughts that I would have to stay clean the rest of my life, but when I reduced it to 'stay clean today...hell yeah I can do that. Ill use tomororow' That would help me with the immediate craving. I also make lots of phone calls when Im feeling that way. Keep reaching out adn keep coming back!

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by L1veL1fe89 » Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:00 pm

Thank you so much for your support. I went to another meeting today and i plain to stack up on meetings for as long as i can.
i will try everything you guys suggested.
Thanks again

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by robertoZ » Tue Oct 04, 2011 6:03 am

Failure is sometimes part of it, BUT, it is imperative that you look at what happened Sunday and PLAN to do something different next time. If you do the same things you will get them same results. BEFORE you use 1)pick up your phone and call anyone on the list of numbers you have. Do not stop until you are speaking with someone and telling them EXACTLY what's going on. 2) Go immediately to a meeting. If it's not for 4 hours yet, go to step 1 for 4 hour. It's that simple.

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by abclimo » Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:25 pm

LiveLife: It's ok that you failed the first time. You started going to meetings and that will help you, without a doubt. You have to start over, but you can do it, think positively.

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by L1veL1fe89 » Mon Oct 03, 2011 7:29 pm

I dont get a woohoo. Sundays are my weekness cuz im off sundays and mondays. I failed. But i went to my first meeting tonight (monday) and they welcomed me with open arms.
I am so really to recover.
I am so asamed that i didnt make it thru the whole weekend.
at day zero .

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by abclimo » Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:05 am

babedol: It does get easier, with time. There are always temptations all around us. I didn't have suboxone to help me with my detox, so I am not sure how they make you feel. Maybe the suboxone is making you not feel so great, definitely talk to the doctor about how you are feeling. You are able to do this, just keep focused on staying clean, one day at a time, one hour at a time, or a minute at a time. Find some meetings and go, talk to people, share and find a sponsor, that is so important. Enjoy your journey to a new clean life.

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by abclimo » Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:00 am

LiveLife and everyone else who made it through yesterday clean: Congrats, I know Saturday's are really difficult since so many people party on Saturdays and Saturday night. You all deserve a big WooHoo!!! Let's keep going, it's the weekend, then we'll wind down into Monday and regular routines and hopefully we'll still all be clean then. I know we can do it, we took the first step and came here looking for help, so we want to stay clean. Good work all!!!

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by babedol912 » Sat Oct 01, 2011 7:11 pm

i feel like im dying right now as well..luckily i have subs to cope me thru..but this is the worst..idk how to overcome this :/ :roll:

Re: feeling so hopeless

Post by Salem215 » Sat Oct 01, 2011 3:38 pm

Hey i just got home from rehab, 5 days detox and 21 in rehab.. the first 10-14 days i thought "i got this, this is easy, i just wont use, im ready to leave" but the more it got closer to me leaving, i got really scared.. and i payed attention as much as i could to take in as much information as possible! dont substitute! it will make matters worse when ur drinking AND drugging =\ my first couple weeks in there i thought i could get out, smoke and drink and be fine but thats not fine.. for over 10 years ive been drinking and drugging, its definatly put my life at risk and i will no longer do that.. you can do it! 1 day at a time! stick wit the program go to meetings get yourself a sponsor! and thats VERY good news that u turned down a chance to use! thats a GREAT sign! theres TONS of things u can do instead of drugs!