by no in betweens » Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:59 am
I am sure you have heard it a million times. We are addicts, we have a disease and we are powerless over the substances we have become to love,only to destroy our life. I used to do cocaine a lot! Ever since I was 18, until about 4 or 5 years ago. I loved the rush,but hated the high. I couldn't stand the paranoia, and the fact that 100's of dollars was gone in the matter of hours. Even though I wanted to stop, I couldn't,because I kept on thinking of that rush. I went to meetings,rehab, you mane it I tried it. But one day I thought past the rush. Though about the feeling I had after I was done. It's hard because being addicted,our brains don't want us to think past the rush,it wants the rush.So, one day by accident, I saw a "friend" that I got high with,and I saw how he acted. It was bad. I knew I was worse, at least he could talk. It was psycho-babble, but he put words together. When I was on it, I couldn't talk. I was shaking,as he was. My thoughts were "lets do another line." Or I though I could take one hit on the pipe,and do little lines. I did all kinds of "tricks" to fool myself so I could do more. What I am trying to say, is the sight of someone high made me think that I do not want to be that way again!! I haven't done cocaine in 4 or 5 years!! But, I am not with out faults. About 3 years ago I started using heroin. I figured, what the hell, I have tried it in the past, I am not going to get addicted, besides I am not shooting it, I am going to sniff it! Well I am right back in hell!! It's different then the cocaine,crack hell. I need this shit to function. I am sick of it. But that's another story. I have to get ready for work. I wish you the best. And try to think past the rush. Think of the feeling of guilt, and all the bad stuff after you do it. Maybe that will help. Don't think you can trade your drug of choice. It don't work.....There is no in between!!
I am sure you have heard it a million times. We are addicts, we have a disease and we are powerless over the substances we have become to love,only to destroy our life. I used to do cocaine a lot! Ever since I was 18, until about 4 or 5 years ago. I loved the rush,but hated the high. I couldn't stand the paranoia, and the fact that 100's of dollars was gone in the matter of hours. Even though I wanted to stop, I couldn't,because I kept on thinking of that rush. I went to meetings,rehab, you mane it I tried it. But one day I thought past the rush. Though about the feeling I had after I was done. It's hard because being addicted,our brains don't want us to think past the rush,it wants the rush.So, one day by accident, I saw a "friend" that I got high with,and I saw how he acted. It was bad. I knew I was worse, at least he could talk. It was psycho-babble, but he put words together. When I was on it, I couldn't talk. I was shaking,as he was. My thoughts were "lets do another line." Or I though I could take one hit on the pipe,and do little lines. I did all kinds of "tricks" to fool myself so I could do more. What I am trying to say, is the sight of someone high made me think that I do not want to be that way again!! I haven't done cocaine in 4 or 5 years!! But, I am not with out faults. About 3 years ago I started using heroin. I figured, what the hell, I have tried it in the past, I am not going to get addicted, besides I am not shooting it, I am going to sniff it! Well I am right back in hell!! It's different then the cocaine,crack hell. I need this shit to function. I am sick of it. But that's another story. I have to get ready for work. I wish you the best. And try to think past the rush. Think of the feeling of guilt, and all the bad stuff after you do it. Maybe that will help. Don't think you can trade your drug of choice. It don't work.....There is no in between!!