by CourageAlone » Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:11 pm
Thank you abclimo! Yes, I am in PA. I will do as you suggest; although I have tried applying for help with welfare and they needed numerous proof of my income; of which I have no proof and little income at that. Someone had suggested contacting Domestic Abuse and that could be a potential for getting them done; with their help. They had wanted me to track his behavior and the words he used. He was more abusive then, however, perhaps there is still enough to share that will explain; the present is more about patterns and keeping me from living a full life; one that I fully deserve, and in reality have a business where I help others (but it suffers when I suffer).
I don't think he is still using; except rarely marijuana, but not around our son. I can vividly notice when he has done it, and does have a friend who is very addicted he hangs out with sometimes, but it is not detrimental. However, it does bring up a red flag because he has been unemployed all summer, has a son, and has not even made hardly any effort in finding a new job, or potential clients. He's relied on his mom and me to give him cash, and I should NOT be giving him cash when he is perfectly capable of working. He's gotten back into the habit of mama's boy; although, that is always in present. I did feel I wanted to give him cash, however, since he is not working and I need to make sure my son gets to do some fun things when he is with him, so I have contributed slightly for that purpose; especially so he could take him to the pool and go as a guest. My son deserves to enjoy the summer full hearted-ly!
I wrote to our Couples Therapist and it is becoming more and more evident that the issue is he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and perhaps, I have Codependent issues and have been unable to leave. This is where I need help. I love him, and I believe he me, but he is unwilling to do the work on his own anger, nor admit he has a problem; but instead blames me that I am the reason he won't commit or be intimate with me.
I will look into Naranon. I'm not sure what NA is, but I'll look it up.
Our Couples Therapist did say he will never be able to have a committed relationship or be intimate with anyone until he is willing to work out his control issues, but it is apparent he never will.
He does have an extremely strange addiction to Conspiracy Theories and believes that there is something majorly wrong with everyone else in the world, as well as all of the systems we live in (Education, Medical, School, and even Health Care, and Psychologists). He fights it all. My regular therapist says he does this in order to avoid his own issues. I believe he is right.
He does do this powerful meditation that helps him move his emotions in the moment, so he appears friendly, optimistic and outgoing, but in reality, he is very pessimistic, dark and private. In order to truly move, in my opinion, your core issues and patterns one must face the darkness within via a true psycho-therapeutic or psychoanalytic or deep emotional healing process. And, this he refuses to do.
Oh, and he did just finish a long almost 2 yr process from the state where he was caught high while driving and had a DUI on his record and had to stay in the state and call in monthly to make sure he was employed and up to date on his payments with the DUI. I forget the terms, but it was recently dropped and cleared, hence, his rebellion to NOT work.
I think I need a support team to make sure I am doing all the steps I need to be doing and to get them done. Otherwise, I'll fall back in my old habits and let this all go.
By the way, thank you! Perhaps I'll register as a member with the same name; CourageAlone.
Thank you abclimo! Yes, I am in PA. I will do as you suggest; although I have tried applying for help with welfare and they needed numerous proof of my income; of which I have no proof and little income at that. Someone had suggested contacting Domestic Abuse and that could be a potential for getting them done; with their help. They had wanted me to track his behavior and the words he used. He was more abusive then, however, perhaps there is still enough to share that will explain; the present is more about patterns and keeping me from living a full life; one that I fully deserve, and in reality have a business where I help others (but it suffers when I suffer).
I don't think he is still using; except rarely marijuana, but not around our son. I can vividly notice when he has done it, and does have a friend who is very addicted he hangs out with sometimes, but it is not detrimental. However, it does bring up a red flag because he has been unemployed all summer, has a son, and has not even made hardly any effort in finding a new job, or potential clients. He's relied on his mom and me to give him cash, and I should NOT be giving him cash when he is perfectly capable of working. He's gotten back into the habit of mama's boy; although, that is always in present. I did feel I wanted to give him cash, however, since he is not working and I need to make sure my son gets to do some fun things when he is with him, so I have contributed slightly for that purpose; especially so he could take him to the pool and go as a guest. My son deserves to enjoy the summer full hearted-ly!
I wrote to our Couples Therapist and it is becoming more and more evident that the issue is he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and perhaps, I have Codependent issues and have been unable to leave. This is where I need help. I love him, and I believe he me, but he is unwilling to do the work on his own anger, nor admit he has a problem; but instead blames me that I am the reason he won't commit or be intimate with me.
I will look into Naranon. I'm not sure what NA is, but I'll look it up.
Our Couples Therapist did say he will never be able to have a committed relationship or be intimate with anyone until he is willing to work out his control issues, but it is apparent he never will.
He does have an extremely strange addiction to Conspiracy Theories and believes that there is something majorly wrong with everyone else in the world, as well as all of the systems we live in (Education, Medical, School, and even Health Care, and Psychologists). He fights it all. My regular therapist says he does this in order to avoid his own issues. I believe he is right.
He does do this powerful meditation that helps him move his emotions in the moment, so he appears friendly, optimistic and outgoing, but in reality, he is very pessimistic, dark and private. In order to truly move, in my opinion, your core issues and patterns one must face the darkness within via a true psycho-therapeutic or psychoanalytic or deep emotional healing process. And, this he refuses to do.
Oh, and he did just finish a long almost 2 yr process from the state where he was caught high while driving and had a DUI on his record and had to stay in the state and call in monthly to make sure he was employed and up to date on his payments with the DUI. I forget the terms, but it was recently dropped and cleared, hence, his rebellion to NOT work.
I think I need a support team to make sure I am doing all the steps I need to be doing and to get them done. Otherwise, I'll fall back in my old habits and let this all go.
By the way, thank you! Perhaps I'll register as a member with the same name; CourageAlone.