by LoveConquers » Tue Nov 26, 2013 10:32 pm
This is my first time ever writing on a forum, but I feel I need an outsiders perspective about a big life decision that may (or may not) be happening on June 20th, 2014. That is my wedding day. A day a girl dreams about her entire life, and instead of planning for the “big day” I’m sitting here contemplating my entire life. I’ve been with my Fiancé for about 3 years (minus 6 months). We are deeply in love with each other, but his demon, the drug addiction, has broken us so badly that we are nearly hanging on by a thread.
In the beginning, I was completely blinded about his past, we had multiple conversations about drug addiction (I was in a previous relationship with a drug addict) and he told me about his brother suffering with the problem. He led me to believe he never had a problem with drugs. I was on cloud 9, he was everything I hoped for in a man. We moved in together quickly and our life was beginning. Until a few months later when he decided not to come home for a few days, and when he finally did, he was so strung out on something that he looked like death and wasn’t the man I fell in love with. He was short tempered and very defensive when I demanded to know where he was and why he felt the need not to call me. I drug tested him, and he had almost every kind of drug in his system. Then the truth came out, he told me he has always had a problem with drugs, and he was clean for 2 years, until Valentine’s day of 2012 when he was free of probation and went on a drug binge (mostly oxy’s, his drug of choice). Then he disappeared for another week, and I called it quits. I packed up our entire 3 bedroom apartment in a matter of a few days (it’s amazing what stress and the inability to sleep does to a person) and I moved out. Although the thought of spilling bleach all over his clothes crossed my mind, I ended up neatly folding them and putting them all in a corner for him to pick up whenever he decided to come back to reality.
6 months went by, and I didn’t hear a word from him. It was so hard, because I had such strong feelings for him, and worried constantly if he was even alive. But as the days went by, my worrying and concern subsided and I was starting to get over him. Until one day, I received an email from him. He told me he couldn’t believe what he had done, and he didn’t know he was as bad as he was. He told me he was in a methadone program and seeing counselor and he apologized for putting me through what he did. I am a very logical thinker, and I wanted to see it to believe anything he told me. We met up, and the feelings instantly came back, however I still had my guard up, and I wasn’t about to be taken advantage of again.
We started spending more time together, and eventually we got back together. Due to my circumstances of leaving my apartment I was forced to move back to my parents, since he had withdrawn -$1500 out of my account… and yes I meant to put a negative before the amount. He spent most of his time with me at my parents, and he pretty much had moved in. December 24th 2012 he proposed. And with the changes he had made, and the PROMISES me made, I knew he was a changed man and I said yes.
Everything was going perfect, we were looking at venues, and met with his childhood church and put a deposit down on our reception hall. Of course, it wasn’t a smooth ride, he often took Klonopin’s (which he bought illegally) to ease his anxiety and we would argue about it, because it would make him like a zombie. he would fall asleep doing ANYTHING! And his driving was the scariest of things. This happened every few months, and eventually he told me he was done doing them, and he would stop. Until I found a pill bottle with cocaine in it. I flipped out! And he told me it was for someone else, and of course I believed him. I took a shower, and he came in to make sure I was in the shower (he asked me a stupid question) and my gut told me to get out! I got out as quickly as I could, and when I found him, I also found a syringe and his bloody arm. My heart shattered, and I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. We spent a few days apart, and of course we got back together (writing this I feel like I’m a complete idiot for taking him back so many times).
Months went by, and nothing was happening. It was good, we were working on us, and things were getting better. I was lucky enough to get my dream job, and we started dreaming about the future (the wedding, the house, the kids…..) and then I noticed he was changing. He was becoming more detached and depressed. I asked how he was feeling numerous times, and I didn’t get a response.
Now we fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I came home after working all day on Friday. My fiancé was there and he was talking to my dad about something. My fiancé wasn’t acting right, and I knew he had taken a Klonopin. He and my dad were discussing something that happened that morning. My father has been sick and he has a hospital bed in our living room. Earlier that morning, my dad woke up with my fiancé picking up pills that had “fallen” on the floor (he keeps them right next to his bed). As my fiancé was walking away, my dad asked me “hey do you have any pills in your pocket?” And my fiancé pulled out pills from his pocket.
Now I don’t know if he was intentionally taking the pills, or if his head was so messed up from the Klonopin’s he had taken (he took a high dose) that he had forgotten he put them in his pocket, but the scenario looked as if he was guilty of trying to steal my dad’s medication. My fiancé packed up his things and left. I’ve been trying to make sense of this whole thing. My fiancé is now seeing a psychiatrist and is taking Prozac to help with his anxiety and depression. We’ve had meaningful conversations about everything drug related and he keeps telling me he would never hurt me.
Now that he’s back at his parents, when I call at night to talk to him, he’s not there. My fiancé told me that he is hanging out with a friend, but yesterday when I went to see him, there looked like there were marks on his arm from an injection. He told me he bumped into something, and he didn’t know how they got there. I spent the night at his house, and we had such a wonderful night. But when I tried to call him tonight, he wasn’t home, I’m sure he’s at his “friends” house. I plan on drug testing him tomorrow to see if he is using cocaine, but I don’t know what to do if there is. I know many people will say “it’s time to leave him” but it’s easier said than done. I’m supposed to be marrying this man, and when he’s clean, he’s amazing! But I’m getting sick of the lying and using. People who are married for 50 years, didn’t always have a smooth life together, they worked through their problems and made it work, and I think him and I could be one of those couples. But there are no guarantees that he will stop using, and it scares me to death that one day, he might relapse bad again. It’s hard to even trust his word, since I usually find out the truth with drug tests, or finding something on him. I don’t want to be drug testing the man I am going to marry. I just feel lost, and mostly alone. I also feel embarrassed because everyone knows we are getting married, and I will feel like a fool if the wedding is canceled. He also “threatens” me with his life if I ever leave him. And he makes me feel guilty and “trapped”. But when he is clean, we have the best relationship, and we complement each other so well. I’m just afraid this demon will always have a voice in our relationship, and be whispering in his ear. I just would like some guidance and any encouragement on how we can try to make this work. What I can say or do that may hit home to him. Thank you for reading this! I appreciate it.
This is my first time ever writing on a forum, but I feel I need an outsiders perspective about a big life decision that may (or may not) be happening on June 20th, 2014. That is my wedding day. A day a girl dreams about her entire life, and instead of planning for the “big day” I’m sitting here contemplating my entire life. I’ve been with my Fiancé for about 3 years (minus 6 months). We are deeply in love with each other, but his demon, the drug addiction, has broken us so badly that we are nearly hanging on by a thread.
In the beginning, I was completely blinded about his past, we had multiple conversations about drug addiction (I was in a previous relationship with a drug addict) and he told me about his brother suffering with the problem. He led me to believe he never had a problem with drugs. I was on cloud 9, he was everything I hoped for in a man. We moved in together quickly and our life was beginning. Until a few months later when he decided not to come home for a few days, and when he finally did, he was so strung out on something that he looked like death and wasn’t the man I fell in love with. He was short tempered and very defensive when I demanded to know where he was and why he felt the need not to call me. I drug tested him, and he had almost every kind of drug in his system. Then the truth came out, he told me he has always had a problem with drugs, and he was clean for 2 years, until Valentine’s day of 2012 when he was free of probation and went on a drug binge (mostly oxy’s, his drug of choice). Then he disappeared for another week, and I called it quits. I packed up our entire 3 bedroom apartment in a matter of a few days (it’s amazing what stress and the inability to sleep does to a person) and I moved out. Although the thought of spilling bleach all over his clothes crossed my mind, I ended up neatly folding them and putting them all in a corner for him to pick up whenever he decided to come back to reality.
6 months went by, and I didn’t hear a word from him. It was so hard, because I had such strong feelings for him, and worried constantly if he was even alive. But as the days went by, my worrying and concern subsided and I was starting to get over him. Until one day, I received an email from him. He told me he couldn’t believe what he had done, and he didn’t know he was as bad as he was. He told me he was in a methadone program and seeing counselor and he apologized for putting me through what he did. I am a very logical thinker, and I wanted to see it to believe anything he told me. We met up, and the feelings instantly came back, however I still had my guard up, and I wasn’t about to be taken advantage of again.
We started spending more time together, and eventually we got back together. Due to my circumstances of leaving my apartment I was forced to move back to my parents, since he had withdrawn -$1500 out of my account… and yes I meant to put a negative before the amount. He spent most of his time with me at my parents, and he pretty much had moved in. December 24th 2012 he proposed. And with the changes he had made, and the PROMISES me made, I knew he was a changed man and I said yes.
Everything was going perfect, we were looking at venues, and met with his childhood church and put a deposit down on our reception hall. Of course, it wasn’t a smooth ride, he often took Klonopin’s (which he bought illegally) to ease his anxiety and we would argue about it, because it would make him like a zombie. he would fall asleep doing ANYTHING! And his driving was the scariest of things. This happened every few months, and eventually he told me he was done doing them, and he would stop. Until I found a pill bottle with cocaine in it. I flipped out! And he told me it was for someone else, and of course I believed him. I took a shower, and he came in to make sure I was in the shower (he asked me a stupid question) and my gut told me to get out! I got out as quickly as I could, and when I found him, I also found a syringe and his bloody arm. My heart shattered, and I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. We spent a few days apart, and of course we got back together (writing this I feel like I’m a complete idiot for taking him back so many times).
Months went by, and nothing was happening. It was good, we were working on us, and things were getting better. I was lucky enough to get my dream job, and we started dreaming about the future (the wedding, the house, the kids…..) and then I noticed he was changing. He was becoming more detached and depressed. I asked how he was feeling numerous times, and I didn’t get a response.
Now we fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I came home after working all day on Friday. My fiancé was there and he was talking to my dad about something. My fiancé wasn’t acting right, and I knew he had taken a Klonopin. He and my dad were discussing something that happened that morning. My father has been sick and he has a hospital bed in our living room. Earlier that morning, my dad woke up with my fiancé picking up pills that had “fallen” on the floor (he keeps them right next to his bed). As my fiancé was walking away, my dad asked me “hey do you have any pills in your pocket?” And my fiancé pulled out pills from his pocket.
Now I don’t know if he was intentionally taking the pills, or if his head was so messed up from the Klonopin’s he had taken (he took a high dose) that he had forgotten he put them in his pocket, but the scenario looked as if he was guilty of trying to steal my dad’s medication. My fiancé packed up his things and left. I’ve been trying to make sense of this whole thing. My fiancé is now seeing a psychiatrist and is taking Prozac to help with his anxiety and depression. We’ve had meaningful conversations about everything drug related and he keeps telling me he would never hurt me.
Now that he’s back at his parents, when I call at night to talk to him, he’s not there. My fiancé told me that he is hanging out with a friend, but yesterday when I went to see him, there looked like there were marks on his arm from an injection. He told me he bumped into something, and he didn’t know how they got there. I spent the night at his house, and we had such a wonderful night. But when I tried to call him tonight, he wasn’t home, I’m sure he’s at his “friends” house. I plan on drug testing him tomorrow to see if he is using cocaine, but I don’t know what to do if there is. I know many people will say “it’s time to leave him” but it’s easier said than done. I’m supposed to be marrying this man, and when he’s clean, he’s amazing! But I’m getting sick of the lying and using. People who are married for 50 years, didn’t always have a smooth life together, they worked through their problems and made it work, and I think him and I could be one of those couples. But there are no guarantees that he will stop using, and it scares me to death that one day, he might relapse bad again. It’s hard to even trust his word, since I usually find out the truth with drug tests, or finding something on him. I don’t want to be drug testing the man I am going to marry. I just feel lost, and mostly alone. I also feel embarrassed because everyone knows we are getting married, and I will feel like a fool if the wedding is canceled. He also “threatens” me with his life if I ever leave him. And he makes me feel guilty and “trapped”. But when he is clean, we have the best relationship, and we complement each other so well. I’m just afraid this demon will always have a voice in our relationship, and be whispering in his ear. I just would like some guidance and any encouragement on how we can try to make this work. What I can say or do that may hit home to him. Thank you for reading this! I appreciate it.