by confused » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:41 pm
thank you everyone. it has helped a lil trying to deal. he hasnt been here the past couple of days, so that makes it a lil easier in a way. if he dont get it together, im really gonna have to pull myself together to leave him, ill have to be strong, i havent reached that point yet. like you've all said, there's other men out there, he needs to hit rock bottom and lose us, but its hard right now for me, i still need his lil support that he gives to me. im just not ready for all that yet. one minute i want to leave, but then i cant, like one minute i kick him out and then i call him and ask him to come home. i feel like i need to watch him, yes like he's a lil kid (thats really sad) i feel like maybe if he's here he cant get high, but he;ll find a way im sure.he;ll leave at some time. i just always worry about him. he left the other day when i ask he to show me his $60 worth of prescriptions from walgreens and when i found the empty bag on the floor of his car (it was an old bag he said? how many old bags could there be? they are always old bags! he thinks im so dumb, i kind of am tho cause i kinda wanna believe that knowing its a lie, i just want security). he doesnt know where the pills were, they were in the back of the car, and then he throw the bottles out cause he was done taking them. i know its a lie. now he wants to get on suboxone, he's suppose to go tomorrow to talk to the doctor. i know he feels as though he cant do this sobriety with out the substitute. to me, i feel like its all the same, you eliminating one drug for another drug, thats all it is. cause when you dont have them to depend on you have the withdraw. i just hate the lies, he's not the same person anymore and i cant stand it. i think the suboxone will help him, maybe us, but id rather him not be on it, i know he could be strong enough to do with out, but i have no choice, i cant say no to it cause he will do it regardless. i think it will ease my mind too knowing that he's on that, just as long as he keeps coming home. we'll see what happens, he says we need therapy, i feel like he needs it, not me, but its not going to hurt me, it can only make things better so ill have to try it out. its just so hard at times, i didnt sign up for this, i love him and want to support him, but i can only take so much
thank you everyone. it has helped a lil trying to deal. he hasnt been here the past couple of days, so that makes it a lil easier in a way. if he dont get it together, im really gonna have to pull myself together to leave him, ill have to be strong, i havent reached that point yet. like you've all said, there's other men out there, he needs to hit rock bottom and lose us, but its hard right now for me, i still need his lil support that he gives to me. im just not ready for all that yet. one minute i want to leave, but then i cant, like one minute i kick him out and then i call him and ask him to come home. i feel like i need to watch him, yes like he's a lil kid (thats really sad) i feel like maybe if he's here he cant get high, but he;ll find a way im sure.he;ll leave at some time. i just always worry about him. he left the other day when i ask he to show me his $60 worth of prescriptions from walgreens and when i found the empty bag on the floor of his car (it was an old bag he said? how many old bags could there be? they are always old bags! he thinks im so dumb, i kind of am tho cause i kinda wanna believe that knowing its a lie, i just want security). he doesnt know where the pills were, they were in the back of the car, and then he throw the bottles out cause he was done taking them. i know its a lie. now he wants to get on suboxone, he's suppose to go tomorrow to talk to the doctor. i know he feels as though he cant do this sobriety with out the substitute. to me, i feel like its all the same, you eliminating one drug for another drug, thats all it is. cause when you dont have them to depend on you have the withdraw. i just hate the lies, he's not the same person anymore and i cant stand it. i think the suboxone will help him, maybe us, but id rather him not be on it, i know he could be strong enough to do with out, but i have no choice, i cant say no to it cause he will do it regardless. i think it will ease my mind too knowing that he's on that, just as long as he keeps coming home. we'll see what happens, he says we need therapy, i feel like he needs it, not me, but its not going to hurt me, it can only make things better so ill have to try it out. its just so hard at times, i didnt sign up for this, i love him and want to support him, but i can only take so much