by Ryan's Sister » Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:26 pm
I figured I should check in. Thank you all again for the advice, kind words, prayers, and aurura1982 Thank you for your heartfelt post.
Thank you also for the emails to see how we are doing and asking for advice, I wish I could give you.
I wish I could say Ryan is doing better. He's been detoxed 5-6 times, in recovery houses, inpatient treatment, to the family physician... and now on day 5 of methadone.
I will not ever stop loving Ryan. And if he continues to try to get clean, I will support him. I just wish we were stronger back when this all started. I wish we stood firm, didn't tolorate the early signs... binge drinking... a perocet with alcohol, etc... I wish we could have seen where this was going.
I am in no position to give advice, but if I could do it again, I wouldn't wait to see if it would go away. I wouldn't minimize the "problems". I would have pushed harder when he was under 18. I couldn't have loved him more, but I would have shown him how much I did by acting like it mattered more.
Ryan overdosed a month ago. I wasn't scared or panicked like I thought I might be. I was just suprised he lived, the paramedic said he restarted his heart twice. I was suprised he did. I was suprised he came home that night. But I wasn't suprised he was high two days later.
The hardest part these days isn't about Ryan getting better anymore. It's the wake of disaster my family has been left in. We are no longer the people, the unit, the group we once were. We let this addiction taken that away from us - in a way that I know only you or a family of an addict can understand. The most we communicate about is Ryan's next steps, how Ryan's doing, how sick he looks, has anyone seen him... We will never be the same us again. I miss my baby brother, his laugh, his smile, his inquisitive mind, his "off" sence of humor... and now I also miss my family.
Aurura1982 posted about the power of prayer. Not being much af a prayer person in the past, I figured it was the last thing I really needed to do. I do pray now, every single day of my life. I don't pray for Ryan to magically get better, just for him to find a reason to fight, just to see that life can be better. The fight needs to come from him, I just hope he can find something in himself worth fighting for.
So I'm sorry to not post great news. I wish I could give someone the answer like I wished someone would give me. But I don't give up, just on days like today I realize we may not win. Tommorrow may be different. Tomorrow will be day 6 on methadone, then day 7 hopefully...
I wish those of you going through this strength, hope and courage. You need it.
Thank you,
Ryan's Sister
I figured I should check in. Thank you all again for the advice, kind words, prayers, and aurura1982 Thank you for your heartfelt post.
Thank you also for the emails to see how we are doing and asking for advice, I wish I could give you.
I wish I could say Ryan is doing better. He's been detoxed 5-6 times, in recovery houses, inpatient treatment, to the family physician... and now on day 5 of methadone.
I will not ever stop loving Ryan. And if he continues to try to get clean, I will support him. I just wish we were stronger back when this all started. I wish we stood firm, didn't tolorate the early signs... binge drinking... a perocet with alcohol, etc... I wish we could have seen where this was going.
I am in no position to give advice, but if I could do it again, I wouldn't wait to see if it would go away. I wouldn't minimize the "problems". I would have pushed harder when he was under 18. I couldn't have loved him more, but I would have shown him how much I did by acting like it mattered more.
Ryan overdosed a month ago. I wasn't scared or panicked like I thought I might be. I was just suprised he lived, the paramedic said he restarted his heart twice. I was suprised he did. I was suprised he came home that night. But I wasn't suprised he was high two days later.
The hardest part these days isn't about Ryan getting better anymore. It's the wake of disaster my family has been left in. We are no longer the people, the unit, the group we once were. We let this addiction taken that away from us - in a way that I know only you or a family of an addict can understand. The most we communicate about is Ryan's next steps, how Ryan's doing, how sick he looks, has anyone seen him... We will never be the same us again. I miss my baby brother, his laugh, his smile, his inquisitive mind, his "off" sence of humor... and now I also miss my family.
Aurura1982 posted about the power of prayer. Not being much af a prayer person in the past, I figured it was the last thing I really needed to do. I do pray now, every single day of my life. I don't pray for Ryan to magically get better, just for him to find a reason to fight, just to see that life can be better. The fight needs to come from him, I just hope he can find something in himself worth fighting for.
So I'm sorry to not post great news. I wish I could give someone the answer like I wished someone would give me. But I don't give up, just on days like today I realize we may not win. Tommorrow may be different. Tomorrow will be day 6 on methadone, then day 7 hopefully...
I wish those of you going through this strength, hope and courage. You need it.
Thank you,
Ryan's Sister