Living with boyfriends newly recovering adult children

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Re: Living with boyfriends newly recovering adult children

Post by » Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:14 pm

The best thing you can do is get out of there pronto....Do whatever you have to do to get your own place.. You are dealing with a whole household of drug and alcohol dependent people. unless they go to get help, nothing will change for them. you can't help them other than to encourage them to get professional help. Your boyfriend is providing his children a place to flop..The best thing he can do is give everyone the boot. Let them hit bottom, then the choice is theirs of whether they want to stay on the bottom, or start the climb to the top. they need help that you are not capable of giving.

Living with boyfriends newly recovering adult children

Post by Teacher58 » Tue Aug 03, 2010 11:27 am

Where do I start...I'm living with my boyfriend for the past 8 months. Also living with him when I moved in was his 23yo son. It was discovered 2 weeks ago that he is an addict. We saw all sorts of irresponsible behavior, but didn't think drugs were involved- just thought it was alcohol. Our history has been he saw me as a pain since I was starting to ask him to take some responsibility around the house and respect his father. He'd say "You're not my mother". I'd tell him I know that, I'm doing this because we we are all living together as adults. He's a very messy person. We had a very heated argument one night over him bringing his girlfriends 2yo daughter over for a sleepover with her mom. (I've since learned she was a user too.) I told them to take the baby home- and stuck to my guns. Awful arguing match. But he did it. My boyfriend, his father, was basically in shock that I did this. Well, he was in detox for last week, then sent home. Tension is thick.
The other issue is his 21yo recovering addict daughter was living with her boyfriend. In July they moved in here. She's clean (random drug test her), but just started stealing $$ from her boyfriend and grandmother to go gambling. She got caught.
Now there's talk of the 18yo son moving in.
I am beside myself. Shaking as I write this letter. I almost left Sunday AM. Asked a girlfriend if I could stay a couple nights. Then, I calmed down and thought the move would put a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend. Trouble is, I am always on edge. Can't relax. Yesterday, I put together my boyfriends 18yo son's b-day party. I told him I did it for him, but I know I also did it to "gain points" with his adult children. Stupid I know- I expected some sort of acknowledgment from his kids for doing this for their brother-no such thing occurred.
Now, I've concluded that what was once my home for six months has turned into the house I live in.
Any words of advice or wisdom?