by mmc » Tue Jan 10, 2012 11:32 pm
im lost.. got time in program.. part of the problem,, made some money, so havent worked a "real" job in years, but nothing coming in and im living hotel to hotel,, tryin to figure out where to live.. maybe its a higher class of problems, but im lost .. no place to call home, applied for several jobs , entry level restaurant management jobs and i dont get a response.. did that for years, can manage a restaurant with my eyes closed,, and yet,, .. nothing,,, had a real estate deal (flip) fall through in September, had followed for a year and they sold to another person for 10k less than i was offering (would've used "hard money" ).. anyhow. no clue which way to go,, i look back on my life and things just "happened", especially jobs/money.. now i'm 53, scared, alone, my sponsor?? not even sure he workn a program. lol, though im not perfect,, but thats a whole other issue.. anyhow im scared, alone, keep goin through these feelings im never gonna work, never gonna have another partner.. and well, just wish my life would end alot..... if i knew where to start i would, i asked a couple guys bout oxford houses n DC,, but nada.. been living a crazy life, never worked a full year ever since i got sober in 85.. then 96 stopped meetings, smoked pot / cocaine, , came back in 2000 and put meetings first , my life got better,,, and i kept doin what i thought was the "right " next thing, made some money in real estate (by accident), quit furniture sales job ( i hated anyhow) to b there for my parents as they passed away, and ever since i've been lost.. i cant seem to get a handle and sometimes just worse than others, like now... fell into a "flip" sole couple places and now ,?? where do i start?? if i knew money was coming in, i wouldnt worry, but i see no light... can last awhile longer, and go to meetings pretty much every day, sometimes 2 or 3...but duno,, guess i could learn to driv a trcuk .. i need a hand, im bright , smart, nice guy.. decent looking, college degree, and not like i want much, i decent apt and living, ugghh, im lost .. and scared,, so .. here you go!!!, and i know, ODAT, let go, next right thing,, blah blah blah,, i see beer and think damn i want to blot out my life, but know thats not the way ,, but shit,,, when i gonna get relief, guess never
im lost.. got time in program.. part of the problem,, made some money, so havent worked a "real" job in years, but nothing coming in and im living hotel to hotel,, tryin to figure out where to live.. maybe its a higher class of problems, but im lost .. no place to call home, applied for several jobs , entry level restaurant management jobs and i dont get a response.. did that for years, can manage a restaurant with my eyes closed,, and yet,, .. nothing,,, had a real estate deal (flip) fall through in September, had followed for a year and they sold to another person for 10k less than i was offering (would've used "hard money" ).. anyhow. no clue which way to go,, i look back on my life and things just "happened", especially jobs/money.. now i'm 53, scared, alone, my sponsor?? not even sure he workn a program. lol, though im not perfect,, but thats a whole other issue.. anyhow im scared, alone, keep goin through these feelings im never gonna work, never gonna have another partner.. and well, just wish my life would end alot..... if i knew where to start i would, i asked a couple guys bout oxford houses n DC,, but nada.. been living a crazy life, never worked a full year ever since i got sober in 85.. then 96 stopped meetings, smoked pot / cocaine, , came back in 2000 and put meetings first , my life got better,,, and i kept doin what i thought was the "right " next thing, made some money in real estate (by accident), quit furniture sales job ( i hated anyhow) to b there for my parents as they passed away, and ever since i've been lost.. i cant seem to get a handle and sometimes just worse than others, like now... fell into a "flip" sole couple places and now ,?? where do i start?? if i knew money was coming in, i wouldnt worry, but i see no light... can last awhile longer, and go to meetings pretty much every day, sometimes 2 or 3...but duno,, guess i could learn to driv a trcuk .. i need a hand, im bright , smart, nice guy.. decent looking, college degree, and not like i want much, i decent apt and living, ugghh, im lost .. and scared,, so .. here you go!!!, and i know, ODAT, let go, next right thing,, blah blah blah,, i see beer and think damn i want to blot out my life, but know thats not the way ,, but shit,,, when i gonna get relief, guess never