by kymba » Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:55 am
FREEME wrote:Old habbits and old friends are coming back into my life. I had almost 3 years sober and recently started to go out to bars. I plan on continuing my schooling this fall and I am worried I won`t make it if I continue to socialize with my "so called friends". I would like to start a carreer in Behavoral Health/Human Services and they say "the best councelor is one who has used", well i`m lucky to be alive, put it that way. I know what I have to do, it`s just hard with so many influences around. I know I need to go back to meetings and just feel like i`m not ready to be sober again. I was pretty frustrated with things in my life and I am just enjoying myself now, sometimes a bit too much. I know if the partying continues I will be back "full swing" before I know what hit me. Some advice would be nice, thanks.
Stand back FREEME! What made you go back out to the bars? Are you lonely? Looking for friends? Or do you just want to drink ~ no reasons, no excuses, you just want too? I was in your position. I owned a bar. My life was and marriage was based on alcohol. When my marriage started falling apart, I started drinking heavily. I got taken advantage of by my ex and I admit, I know it was because I drinking, I wasn't thinking clearly. After the divorce, I got worse. I moved. I went to rehab. I was good. I wanted to remain sober but the problem was, I went right back into an environment that wasn't good for me. I wasn't happy. I started to drink. I got a job, stayed sober for a year but again, I made stupid choices because I just wasn't happy. I tried AA but didn't care for the people there. Everyone wanted to drink, it was cliquey, people were showing up drunk. My boyfriend left (he used me too) ~ i was sober then. I believed alcohol gave me confidence and it did, so I started drinking daily. Just a little to "get me going." One shot. Moved again and started drinking again. I wasn't happy and drinking made me happy. You know, that warm fuzzy feeling that mellows you out. I felt I had control. I did for awhile.
But each time I drank, it progressively got worse. I was miserable with my life. I made more stupid choices, I drank more. I drank Listerine for the alcohol. I got fired from a high profile position because of my "personal" life and dumb choices. I was beaten and assaulted by a new boyfriend who almost killed me. I had had enough. It was then I decided to try to kill myself drinking. I had no one, no job, no friends (i had moved to the city after the divorce), no family. Well, killing myself wasn't meant to be. I met someone (who didn't drink), I still drank, he helped me get things together, I still drank. I prayed for something to make me stop drinking. One day, my stomach blew up like I was 12 months pregnant. This time, my liver had enough. I got my answer. That was in 2007. And you know what? I came home from the ER and still drank!!! I was admitted to the hospital, admitted I had a drinking problem, stayed there for a week and found out I had cirrhosis and two years to live without a transplant. I stayed for a week to get the alcohol out of my system. After needing a liver transplant immediately, getting on the waiting list, in and out of the hospital at least a dozen times, going to counseling, my liver started working. All my life, no matter what I did, involved drinking. Now, if I have but one drink, I may die. I would like to say that's the reason I don't drink anymore, but living in an Alcohol-free environment and counseling has made a difference. I don't want to drink anymore. I've been sober for 3 years. I feel lucky because I know if I drink, my liver will definitely fail. I say I don't have any friends. The reason why I did have friends was because we drank! They were not friends, they were drinking buddies. When I became sick, those buddies didn't even reach out to me. I never did drugs, but I know what it's like. I am attending college on-line to become a behavioral counselor. I will be the best counselor because I've been there. When I look back, I realize alcohol was always a part of my life, I just controlled it. Then I wanted it to kill me. I am thankful to be alive today and be able to help people in my position. No lies, no stories, I've been there. If you want to remain sober and don't think you can, admit yourself into a rehab. Be honest.
Change your lifestyle! I never walked into a bar "alone" until I owned one. I knew that it wasn't the environment for me. I thought I could control my drinking and I did in the beginning. I gave in to the peer pressure. I gave into my husband at the time. It was fun. Cirrhosis of the liver is not fun. Realizing my marriage was based on alcohol is not fun. Moving away from my children is not fun. Getting fired is not fun. Getting assaulted is not fun. What fun did alcohol bring? Once addicted, no fun at all. I now have fun. Real live fun. I am now happy. I don't need a drink or want a drink. Fruit juice concoctions, iced coffee, water, and diet pepsi are my addictions. I stay away anyone or anything that involves alcohol. I'm not ready yet to put myself in that position. If I have too, I know I can though. Please stand back and take a look at yourself. FREE YOURSELF. I call alcohol "a little langolier" from Stephen King's book. It sneaks up on you. Don't let it... find an alcohol free friend and live! Sorry this is so long.
[quote="FREEME"]Old habbits and old friends are coming back into my life. I had almost 3 years sober and recently started to go out to bars. I plan on continuing my schooling this fall and I am worried I won`t make it if I continue to socialize with my "so called friends". I would like to start a carreer in Behavoral Health/Human Services and they say "the best councelor is one who has used", well i`m lucky to be alive, put it that way. I know what I have to do, it`s just hard with so many influences around. I know I need to go back to meetings and just feel like i`m not ready to be sober again. I was pretty frustrated with things in my life and I am just enjoying myself now, sometimes a bit too much. I know if the partying continues I will be back "full swing" before I know what hit me. Some advice would be nice, thanks.[/quote]
Stand back FREEME! What made you go back out to the bars? Are you lonely? Looking for friends? Or do you just want to drink ~ no reasons, no excuses, you just want too? I was in your position. I owned a bar. My life was and marriage was based on alcohol. When my marriage started falling apart, I started drinking heavily. I got taken advantage of by my ex and I admit, I know it was because I drinking, I wasn't thinking clearly. After the divorce, I got worse. I moved. I went to rehab. I was good. I wanted to remain sober but the problem was, I went right back into an environment that wasn't good for me. I wasn't happy. I started to drink. I got a job, stayed sober for a year but again, I made stupid choices because I just wasn't happy. I tried AA but didn't care for the people there. Everyone wanted to drink, it was cliquey, people were showing up drunk. My boyfriend left (he used me too) ~ i was sober then. I believed alcohol gave me confidence and it did, so I started drinking daily. Just a little to "get me going." One shot. Moved again and started drinking again. I wasn't happy and drinking made me happy. You know, that warm fuzzy feeling that mellows you out. I felt I had control. I did for awhile. [i]But each time I drank, it progressively got worse.[/i] I was miserable with my life. I made more stupid choices, I drank more. I drank Listerine for the alcohol. I got fired from a high profile position because of my "personal" life and dumb choices. I was beaten and assaulted by a new boyfriend who almost killed me. I had had enough. It was then I decided to try to kill myself drinking. I had no one, no job, no friends (i had moved to the city after the divorce), no family. Well, killing myself wasn't meant to be. I met someone (who didn't drink), I still drank, he helped me get things together, I still drank. I prayed for something to make me stop drinking. One day, my stomach blew up like I was 12 months pregnant. This time, my liver had enough. I got my answer. That was in 2007. And you know what? I came home from the ER and still drank!!! I was admitted to the hospital, admitted I had a drinking problem, stayed there for a week and found out I had cirrhosis and two years to live without a transplant. I stayed for a week to get the alcohol out of my system. After needing a liver transplant immediately, getting on the waiting list, in and out of the hospital at least a dozen times, going to counseling, my liver started working. All my life, no matter what I did, involved drinking. Now, if I have but one drink, I may die. I would like to say that's the reason I don't drink anymore, but living in an Alcohol-free environment and counseling has made a difference. I don't want to drink anymore. I've been sober for 3 years. I feel lucky because I know if I drink, my liver will definitely fail. I say I don't have any friends. The reason why I did have friends was because we drank! They were not friends, they were drinking buddies. When I became sick, those buddies didn't even reach out to me. I never did drugs, but I know what it's like. I am attending college on-line to become a behavioral counselor. I will be the best counselor because I've been there. When I look back, I realize alcohol was always a part of my life, I just controlled it. Then I wanted it to kill me. I am thankful to be alive today and be able to help people in my position. No lies, no stories, I've been there. If you want to remain sober and don't think you can, admit yourself into a rehab. Be honest. [b]Change your lifestyle![/b] I never walked into a bar "alone" until I owned one. I knew that it wasn't the environment for me. I thought I could control my drinking and I did in the beginning. I gave in to the peer pressure. I gave into my husband at the time. It was fun. Cirrhosis of the liver is not fun. Realizing my marriage was based on alcohol is not fun. Moving away from my children is not fun. Getting fired is not fun. Getting assaulted is not fun. What fun did alcohol bring? Once addicted, no fun at all. I now have fun. Real live fun. I am now happy. I don't need a drink or want a drink. Fruit juice concoctions, iced coffee, water, and diet pepsi are my addictions. I stay away anyone or anything that involves alcohol. I'm not ready yet to put myself in that position. If I have too, I know I can though. Please stand back and take a look at yourself. FREE YOURSELF. I call alcohol "a little langolier" from Stephen King's book. It sneaks up on you. Don't let it... find an alcohol free friend and live! Sorry this is so long.