by Ryan's Sister » Wed Nov 19, 2008 11:47 pm
Lablue,
I can sense the anger in your post, I have that anger somedays, too. Or maybe it's frustration, or hurt, or all of them...
I thought enough was enough, I thought I was done with my brother Ryan. I told my friend I was going to write him a good-bye letter, tell him I can't watch him hurt himself or my family 1 more second, then let him go. I may still do that...
However, my friend asked me a silly question. "How much is Ryan's life worth to you?" It stopped me in my tracks, every penny of course, easy answer. But not just $$, how much is Ryan's life worth to me? Every inch of fight I have in me. Then he said, before you throw Ryan away, have you done everything you possibly can do? I've yelled at him, I've lectured him, I've threatened him, ignored him... but I couldn't say I had truely done anything constructive - other than offer rehab? No.
I give up on Ryan now, without giving everything I have, and something happens, I could not live another day. That's all I know right now.
I may need to stop this one day, I may need to really let Ryan go, but not until I try my hardest. And that still may not work, but at least I really tried everything I thought Ryan's life was worth.
I know an addict needs to want to get better, I can't give him that, but I can show up every Saturday for an NA meeting, NA bowling night... It's a start... I don't know what's next, I don't know if it will help, but it's a start.
Ryan's Sister
Lablue,
I can sense the anger in your post, I have that anger somedays, too. Or maybe it's frustration, or hurt, or all of them...
I thought enough was enough, I thought I was done with my brother Ryan. I told my friend I was going to write him a good-bye letter, tell him I can't watch him hurt himself or my family 1 more second, then let him go. I may still do that...
However, my friend asked me a silly question. "How much is Ryan's life worth to you?" It stopped me in my tracks, every penny of course, easy answer. But not just $$, how much is Ryan's life worth to me? Every inch of fight I have in me. Then he said, before you throw Ryan away, have you done everything you possibly can do? I've yelled at him, I've lectured him, I've threatened him, ignored him... but I couldn't say I had truely done anything constructive - other than offer rehab? No.
I give up on Ryan now, without giving everything I have, and something happens, I could not live another day. That's all I know right now.
I may need to stop this one day, I may need to really let Ryan go, but not until I try my hardest. And that still may not work, but at least I really tried everything I thought Ryan's life was worth.
I know an addict needs to want to get better, I can't give him that, but I can show up every Saturday for an NA meeting, NA bowling night... It's a start... I don't know what's next, I don't know if it will help, but it's a start.
Ryan's Sister