by Joev7 » Sat Sep 06, 2014 11:00 pm
I am so new to being sober. One week. But every day gets a little better for me. Please take it a day or even an hour at a time. The drug will always try and take hold. But it doesn't think. You do. Deny it access for a day. And only a day.
Addiction for me is a nasty evil mother fucker.. I have this view on how it came into my life.
We all ride through life on the back of a horse. We start out just riding along simpley going though life's bumps and rainy days Well along the way we " picked up" a passenger. Drugs, booze, whatever. Our new friend was awesome! We start to bring him everywhere. He's riding on the back of our horse with us and we love it. This dude knows how how party! Well some where along the our path we switched places. Our fuckin friend is now steering the horse. For me to describe him the grim reeper comes to mind. He didn't look like that when we first met, just the opposite. Who is this ugly mother fucker in control of where I am going? When I was in the front he was just riding behind on the saddle. My seat? Being pulled by a fuckin rope through the mud and the rocks. What little control I have back there is digging my feet in or scratching my nails in dirt to veer the horse where I want it to go. Sometimes I'm succesful. But I'm clearly not in control when using. This fuckin addiction I picked up along the way is.But... He is weak. His only power is my mind.
Today, I am steering my horse. The ugly sob will always be right behind me trying get hold of the reigns. He will continue pester and nag at me. That is a fact for the rest of my life. The blame is mine for picking him up in first place. The only way we switch is if I make the decision to get off the horse and hook up that fuckin rope. He has no physical power to get me off the reigns. Only I can make the decision to get off. Today I steered my horse.
I am so new to being sober. One week. But every day gets a little better for me. Please take it a day or even an hour at a time. The drug will always try and take hold. But it doesn't think. You do. Deny it access for a day. And only a day.
Addiction for me is a nasty evil mother fucker.. I have this view on how it came into my life.
We all ride through life on the back of a horse. We start out just riding along simpley going though life's bumps and rainy days Well along the way we " picked up" a passenger. Drugs, booze, whatever. Our new friend was awesome! We start to bring him everywhere. He's riding on the back of our horse with us and we love it. This dude knows how how party! Well some where along the our path we switched places. Our fuckin friend is now steering the horse. For me to describe him the grim reeper comes to mind. He didn't look like that when we first met, just the opposite. Who is this ugly mother fucker in control of where I am going? When I was in the front he was just riding behind on the saddle. My seat? Being pulled by a fuckin rope through the mud and the rocks. What little control I have back there is digging my feet in or scratching my nails in dirt to veer the horse where I want it to go. Sometimes I'm succesful. But I'm clearly not in control when using. This fuckin addiction I picked up along the way is.But... He is weak. His only power is my mind.
Today, I am steering my horse. The ugly sob will always be right behind me trying get hold of the reigns. He will continue pester and nag at me. That is a fact for the rest of my life. The blame is mine for picking him up in first place. The only way we switch is if I make the decision to get off the horse and hook up that fuckin rope. He has no physical power to get me off the reigns. Only I can make the decision to get off. Today I steered my horse.