I used it as a crutch...

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I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby MelanieMadison » Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:55 am

I am new to this, and I am young as well, recently married 7monthes ago on the 19th and was given a restraining order from my own husband that day. When I would drink I would drink because I was so depressed and no one would listen to me here me out or give advice. When I had a problem with my husband I would drink until I was ready to talk to him about it, cause it felt like if I was sober I didnt have the balls to say anything to him, or he would just tell me I was crazy. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression in the past and know I still have it. My husband was the perfect man, but by me using alcohol to fill the void of being and feeling so alone so new into my marriage I was drinking more and more. I use to be the happy go lucky girl when I drank having fun doing it socially love to dance and go to clubs, now with me feeling the way I have been for months with no where to go and feeling like I had no where to turn or options Ive become the most angeriest person in the world. It got to the point where my husband and myself became physically abusive to one another. I knew I had a problem, I begged him to go a couples therapist, I looked into outpatient rehabs, and anger management classes. We now have protection of abuses orders against one another and have to appear in court. My family had no idea what was going on and to the extent of how bad it was. I am looking into attending AA meetings and hoping my husband sees that I know whats wrong and that I am taking care of it, and maybe he would take care of it as well cause he is also an excessive drinker with a prior DUI. I dont go to bars anymore this past saturday being the first time, I dont feel comfortable when I do, but my husband loves the bar life. Ive been sober before, but right now its harder then ever, as I see myself probably being divorced by the end of the year. My husband was my best friend, the love of my life, and my soul mate, and I lost him cause i used drinking as my crutch for depression. I just feel alone
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby glennp1955 » Wed Jun 22, 2011 6:27 pm

Find and where there are AA meetings in your area and go to one. You will immediately feel welcome, and you can begin your journey down the road to turning your life around - It really works.
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby MelanieMadison » Thu Jun 23, 2011 7:40 am

I have a bunch in my area, I am going to go tonight for the first time. I am so scared. I never thought I would ever be in a place like this. I just want to prove to my husband that I know what the problem is and I am going to fix it. I just want to show him that I care about him more then I care about drinking. This is just so difficult for me, especially being so young and just newly married.
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby glennp1955 » Thu Jun 23, 2011 8:34 am

Good luck. This program will not only help you stop drinking, it will help make your life better overall - you need to do this for YOU.
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby AnnaTaylor » Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:00 am

Ah! I just read that your first meeting was last night...how did it go?
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby donnaf » Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:02 am

So did you go to your meeting? You mentioned you were looking into outpatient how did that go? Remember you can only do this for yourself and do not have to prove yourself to anyone, plus if your husband also has a drinking problem that's for him to claim and take care of. If your fearful of going to a meeting alone, call intergroup in your area they can usually arrange for someone to go with you......Good Luck!
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Drinking causes hurtful words

Unread postby MrsBalta » Tue Aug 02, 2011 8:47 pm

I too used drinking as a cruch, I have been married 11yrs now, but its not the happy marriage it used to be. We also have gone dancing in the past but the alcohol has caused so many stupid fights we barely speak to each other. I the same as you MelanieMadison used the alcohol to give.me the tongue to tell him off, but it lead to words that hurt him and he also would drink and say ugly things to me. Also the alcohol has caused me to gain weight so I thought if I would cut back on drinking to save my marriage and to loose weight it would help. I'm so afraid that I'm going to loose him I want to quit completely. When I talked with him about he informed me that he has always loved me for fighting to stay together and we've started walking and running together to try and quit together. Also we will go to our first AA meeting on Friday. MelanieMadison go to your husband tell him how sorry you are for anything the alcohol may have caused you to say that may have hurt him or caused him to want a divorce. Tell him the truth that you still love and want to work with him to stay together. You quit drinking and he may slow down or quit someday also. Men can handle drinking more better than a we women. So you get sober so you can see the way out if trouble when it comes knocking. Also I don't see the need for meetings or councils, understanding between two people can heal and concor a multitude of problems. GOD SPEED! MRSBALTA
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby newbaby1972 » Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:28 pm

Same boat as the original poster. I always used alcohol as my crutch since I was 13 (maybe younger) due to a traumatic event. I am now 39 and it has become a huge problem in my life. I have three children now and I've been married for 10 years. My husband drinks and uses other things but always says he is "in control and responsible". I feel like I have become the target person to "fix" because he says I have cause so many problems in our social life and our marraige and our family. All of which I agree with, but I also think he carries some of that blame. He says he will support me 100% in trying to get myself better but inevitable every weekend we have a party going on at our house. I have given up drinking all together during the week as of 3 weeks ago and I am very proud of myself for that but the weekends are a struggle. It's hard when the party is in your home. He tells me, "just be responsible", but alcoholism runs in our family and I also suffer from severe depression and an anxiety disorder, both of which I self medicate with alcohol because it is hard for me to be around people or in social situations. I feel like I am is a very difficult situation. I know this is my problem to solve but I need support. I want to go to AA but again, I have the social phobia thing. Ever since I gave up the drinking during the week my depression and and anxiety have gone through the roof and my husband has become furious with me because my weekend drinking has gotten worse. I am a complete mess. I used to at least hold things together for my children but now with the depression as bad as it has gotten its hard for me to even think straight and I don't even want to get out of bed on the weekends when I know my husband will be here to take care of them. I know I am digging a very deep hole.
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby abclimo » Wed Sep 07, 2011 7:48 am

Dear Newbaby 1972: Hi and welcome. It always amazes me how many of us do the self medicating thing. The first thing in your post that jumped out at me was "a traumatic event". Did you ever deal with this event or get counseling for it? The next thing that jumps out at me, other than self medicating is "severe depression and anxiety". Put those things hand in hand and you have a recipe for disaster. Meetings will definitely help, but you need to go, and be honest and participate and share. Recovering addicts, whether they are alcoholics or drug addicts can totally relate to where you are in your life and will be very compassionate, having been there themselves. The next thing that jumps out at me is your husband thinking he is "responsible and in control", but he uses alcohol and other things, but you have parties at your home every weekend. To me that just screams addict. You both need to get some counseling and go to meetings together and work the program, it works, but you must definitely work at obtaining the sober and clean lifestyle. Tell your husband you would like to go to meetings and would like him to go with you, maybe he will realize on his own that he needs help as well. But, no matter what, you have realized that you need help, go to a meeting, if you don't feel comfortable at first, just sit and listen, you'll be amazed at how much you can learn. Try several different meetings until you find the one you are most comfortable at where you feel you can share. Believe me, no matter what you say, no one will make fun of you or think badly of you for what you say, many have been in much worse places than you are in. You can obtain the clean and sober lifestyle that you deserve, you just need to work at it and it may not be a simple job. But you can do it, you are worth it and your children are worth it. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your children, otherwise they will grow up thinking this is the "normal" and you will have the next generation of addicts. Unless you actively work to break this chain, it just keeps on going. The hardest thing I had to do in my life was to admit to myself that I had a problem and then to admit to someone else that I had a problem. There are a lot of people out there who would help you, but you have to take the first step in asking for help. Your journey will be worth it, and you can do it.
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby butterfly01pa » Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:20 pm

Hi newbaby, I too have an anxiety disorder. I formerly took klonopin, and drank at same time, which is very bad. After rehab, I took nothing for almost 3 yrs except for my antidepressant and seroquel. My husband became ill, and I fell off of the wagon. Self-medicating is so bad. I do it, because it makes me feel normal and not so anxious. I went to meetings; however I saw so many people come in who were professing to be sober, and then saw them get wasted that week, and then saw people dating and using it as a social outlet, that I went to church instead. To each his own I guess. I am going to try some meetings again. I am so lost. I have so much to be thankful for; yet I am drinking. I have went back to school, and have a 4.0 GPA. I have a beaytiful granddaughter, and my husband is healing. When hubby was in the hospital I missed 2 psych appointments. He was so ill, I could not go. I was afraid he would die, and I would not be there. He was also incoherent. I had to be there to talk to his doctors and be his advocate. My husband does not drink, and never has thank God. My kids are grown. The youngest is 21, and is transferring to a university dorm, as a pre-med student. I need to be here for her, not drunk. I never get wasted, but I still do not feel good when I get up. I cannot sleep at all, since he was hospitalized. I was sleeping on a cot in the hospital night after night for months. The alcohol let me sleep. I know I must be rambling, and no I am not drinking, lol; however I know where you are coming from. I use alcohol to help the anxiety. Call a doctor and get yourself proper medication. I have 6 weeks to wait for my appointment because I missed 2, and am looking for another doctor. You will be thankful you did! Good luck!
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby butterfly01pa » Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:26 pm

Hi MelanieMadison,

thank goodness my husband does not drink. I would never be sober if he did, but I know that a couple where both are alcoholics can be trouble. Did you both ever think of going to rehab? It helped me so much! I was there for 14 days. Although I fell off of the wagon about 3 months ago, after being sober almost 3 yrs, I know I am in trouble and am seeking help. I have said so many hurtful things to my husband when drunk, and my kids suffered so much that sometimes the guilt is overwhelming; however I cannot change the past, only the present. Good luck.
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Re: I used it as a crutch...

Unread postby butterfly01pa » Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:31 pm

Hi again MelanieMadison,

I just re-read your post, and read about the physical abuse. My 26 yr old daughter just suffered an orbital fracture which is a fractured eye socket, and also a broken bone in forehead due to her ex-finance being drunk and hitting her. The doc said if she had moved just slightly when he hit her, she could be dead. If there is physical abuse between the two of you, it is best for the both of you to stay away and get treatment for yourselves or someone could get seriously hurt. Good luck again!
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