Why am I so messed up?

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Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby Candy14516@aol.com » Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:35 am

I don't know what's Wrong with me how I got so messed up but lately my drinking and drug abuse has been getting worse and worse. I really don't understand why I am the way I am what brought me to this point. I been struggling for at least 7 years with a drinking problem but it's been worse then ever lately. I don't know how to drink in moderation never did once I have one game over. I love the beginning feeling so I keep drinking and I always basically drink until i reach a blackout pass out level majority of the times. I can never go a day without getting fucked up in some form of way whether it's drinking on lunch breaks at work smoking weed taking uppers like diet pills. All it takes is a few people who aren't the greatest influence to even bang lines of coke. I'm starting to scare myself I can't do anything sober. I need help but I am scared I'm disappointed how I am turning out I am only 25 years old and I feel like I
Am ruining my life I have a good job great home life and family what the hell is wrong with me?!? I just got out of a verbally abusive relationship with my bf I really want to improve my life for the better I don't think I need rehab or do i? I feel I can control it and it's not that serious maybe it's like smoking cigarettes I just need to break the habit of lifestyle I am living though it's hard esp when all your good friends go out to clubs and bars on the weekend i just need control to fix this? I feel just totally fucked up in the head I am about to go off the deep end. Any advise please I never been so sad or depressed in my life and I really don't want to go to rehab....
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby robertoZ » Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:34 pm

I'm not sure if you've ever had a taste of a sober life. It's really hard to fully explain it. I personally think it has to be experienced. It'd be like trying to describe the experience of scuba diving or snowboarding to one who hasn't ever done so, it can be done, but it doesn't come close to the full understanding you'll have from experiencing it. Your description of yourself reminds me of me before I got sober (thanks for that). And I know that there is now way anyone could have described *fully* to me what living a sober life would be like. I had to experience it to believe it, but I also had to be ready. I was ready when my life was what you described, day in, day out, and I became aware that if I didn't do something, I'd continue on this way until I died. It was misery.

So, are you ready to experiment? Want to give a sober life a shot? If you don't like it, you can always go back to drinking. If you'd like to try, it's real easy: just go to a meeting. You don't even have to stop drinking, just go to a meeting (don't go drunk or buzzed). Then go to another. And another. It'll all start to make sense. Best to you.
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby abclimo » Mon Nov 21, 2011 10:00 am

Candy: You definitely have recognized that you have a problem and are on a destructive pathway. That's great that you recognized it. Now, you need to do something about it, and that's the harder part. You may need a rehab, depending on what you have been using, for how long, if you can do this on your own or not, etc. They're not a horrible place. You need to admit to yourself that you are an addict, whether it's drugs, or alcohol, we are all addicts, as addicts, we have very addictive personalities and behaviors. Sometimes we can rationalize things in our brain of why we "deserve" to get drunk or use drugs. Don't be fooled, it's just another excuse. We are great at making excuses, actually, so good we can eventually make ourselves believe our excuses. You're still really young and need to get out of this lifestyle before you die from it. I agree about going to meetings, try both AA and NA, don't go to just one of each, they are not all the same and you might not feel able to share at all of them. Sharing is huge, but if you are not ready for that, at least go and listen to what they are saying, you'll think the words are coming out of your mouth, they'll be so like you. We as addicts, so frequently are using drugs and alcohol to cover things we don't want to feel, a disappointment in a relationship, conflicts with co-workers, differences of opinion with our families, anxiety, anger, and so on. It's important to discover what is at the root of why you are using, so you can begin to deal with that and recover from your addiction. There is a huge difference in being clean and recovering. You'll still have urges to use, but it's important to call someone from a meeting, or your sponsor before you use. You can do this, just take it a day at a time, if a day is too much, take it an hour at a time or minutes at a time and then keep going, you can do this!
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby Mitzidaddy » Fri Nov 25, 2011 10:13 am

I'm a young 50 and drinking and banging coke was always a big part of my life. I have 2 grown kids from my first marriage who don't talk to me anymore cause of my using. Ive lost and been fired countless times cause of my alchoholism and drug abuse. I had many affairs, orgies, was briefly in the porn business because of my nightmare poor choices. What a shitshow I've been to myself and others. My parents and I dont even talk anymore.

You are exacatly half my age. Get into AA or a 30 day inpatient rehab. I've been twice and was terrified the first time like you and found out it helped alot. I have only been sober 1 week yesterday. Its a bitch.

Good luck keep positive and for today dont pick up.

Ty in Gulph Mills Pa. :)
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby butterfly01pa » Sat Nov 26, 2011 1:35 am

Hi Candy14516@aol.com,

Hey there Candy. I was sober for 3 yrs almost, and started drinking again 3 mos ago. I am just proud of myself for realizing I have a problem! You realize it too, which is great like others have said to you. Rehab was best for me, although I was only there for 14 days. I have met people who only went to 4 days of detox then meetings, and it worked. Once you experience sober life, you will not forget it. I want it again, because I have experienced it. You feel so free!! You can do it!!
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby NancysPigeon » Sat Dec 10, 2011 4:54 pm

About 80% of addicts have diagnosable brain disorders like manic depression, etc. Some folks call it double trouble. Many of us were or are self medicating for these disorders. And for those of us who have this burden, getting sober is hard. I played on the AA beach for a year solid, at least two meetings a day every day and the meeting after the meeting at the diner. Every shaky day I stayed dry I felt better. The AA program works if you work it. The only require for membership is a desire to stop getting high.
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby mack1252 » Sun Dec 11, 2011 1:49 pm

Hi Candy,
My son is about your age and he too had been battling drug use and it just kept getting worse. He was convinced he could stop using on his own. Which he did about three times, but each time he would go back to it and it would be worse than the time before. He had good job and a family that loves him, but a few months ago things got so bad we had to ask him to leave the house. Having no where else to go, he finally asked for help from a rehab facility. It was the best decission he could have made. He has gone through detox and three weeks of rehab. He is now in a recovery house and plans to stay there as long as he can. The meetings and the couselers are the key. You can learn so much about addiction and what makes people use and how there are people from all walks of life going through exactly what you are going through, but you can be helped. My son's famous words now are "You have to become addicted to you recovery". If you are still not sure about rehab, please at least start going to meetings. You have taken the first step by admitting you have a problem. Now take the next step and ask for help. Good luck and God bless you, I hope you can become addicted to your recovery.
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby Ty » Fri Dec 16, 2011 1:23 pm

Candy:

As I write this I've only been sober 6 days. I've been in and out of 2 rehabs. I may be charged with theft. I' m 50. WTF is wrong with me? My kids don't talk to me, I'm remarried but thats on the back burner-----you are only 25!

Do what I have not been able to--get honest!

Candy14516@aol.com wrote:
> I don't know what's Wrong with me how I got so messed up but lately my
> drinking and drug abuse has been getting worse and worse. I really don't
> understand why I am the way I am what brought me to this point. I been
> struggling for at least 7 years with a drinking problem but it's been worse
> then ever lately. I don't know how to drink in moderation never did once I
> have one game over. I love the beginning feeling so I keep drinking and I
> always basically drink until i reach a blackout pass out level majority of
> the times. I can never go a day without getting fucked up in some form of
> way whether it's drinking on lunch breaks at work smoking weed taking
> uppers like diet pills. All it takes is a few people who aren't the
> greatest influence to even bang lines of coke. I'm starting to scare myself
> I can't do anything sober. I need help but I am scared I'm disappointed how
> I am turning out I am only 25 years old and I feel like I
> Am ruining my life I have a good job great home life and family what the
> hell is wrong with me?!? I just got out of a verbally abusive relationship
> with my bf I really want to improve my life for the better I don't think I
> need rehab or do i? I feel I can control it and it's not that serious maybe
> it's like smoking cigarettes I just need to break the habit of lifestyle I
> am living though it's hard esp when all your good friends go out to clubs
> and bars on the weekend i just need control to fix this? I feel just
> totally fucked up in the head I am about to go off the deep end. Any advise
> please I never been so sad or depressed in my life and I really don't want
> to go to rehab....
Ty
 

Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby Guest » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:48 am

Hi Candy,

My name is Sarah, I am 27 yrs old and I know what you are going through. I was the same way with my drinking. I loved the feeling I got after those first few drinks, but once I had one drink I would have to have another and another until I was blacked out and/or passed out. I started drinking when I was 17 and never really stopped until now. I was drinking every day, sometimes starting as soon as I woke up in the morning. It got to the point where I was always drunk. I got really good at hiding it from my family and I thought I had it under control. I knew I drank too much but I kept telling myself I would stop eventually. Deep down I knew I had a problem but I really didn’t want to admit it. Last month I got really sick and was not able to hide my lifestyle any longer. I had been extremely sick for 3 days; I am talking throwing up every 15 minutes for 3 days and nights sick. On the 4th day I couldn’t take it any longer and had to call my mom to take me to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I kept wondering what they were going to say. I was scared and for good reason! They did blood work and then the doctor came in and told me I had pancreatitis and I was so dehydrated that my kidneys were failing. That really scared the shit out of me and was a huge wake up call! I ended up spending a total of 7 days in the hospital during a 2 week period. During that hospital stay I stopped lying about how much I drank and was honest with the doctors and everyone that asked me questions. I was still embarrassed but it felt so good to finally have that off my chest. I am now 33 days sober. It hasn’t been completely easy but I am starting to enjoy my life again. I am going to have to live with pancreatitis for the rest of my life, at 27 this is not where I thought I would be in life. But I am glad that I am starting over now and I have a second chance. It sounds like you are fed up with your life style, and want to change too. That is the first big step. I hope that you are able to find a way to get your life back, whether it is though rehab or not, you deserve to enjoy your life. It will be hard and there will be times that we might fail but it is a battle worth fighting. Just know you are not alone in that battle!
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Re: Why am I so messed up?

Unread postby gandolflundgren » Fri Dec 30, 2011 7:03 pm

I've been sober for over 6 months and I still have urges. Just remember to stay strong and make sure you keep a strong support group around you that cares about your well being. I know that eventually I will beat this thing and I will live a full and alcohol/drug free life. Keep your head up, things will get better.













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