by abclimo » Mon Nov 21, 2011 10:00 am
Candy: You definitely have recognized that you have a problem and are on a destructive pathway. That's great that you recognized it. Now, you need to do something about it, and that's the harder part. You may need a rehab, depending on what you have been using, for how long, if you can do this on your own or not, etc. They're not a horrible place. You need to admit to yourself that you are an addict, whether it's drugs, or alcohol, we are all addicts, as addicts, we have very addictive personalities and behaviors. Sometimes we can rationalize things in our brain of why we "deserve" to get drunk or use drugs. Don't be fooled, it's just another excuse. We are great at making excuses, actually, so good we can eventually make ourselves believe our excuses. You're still really young and need to get out of this lifestyle before you die from it. I agree about going to meetings, try both AA and NA, don't go to just one of each, they are not all the same and you might not feel able to share at all of them. Sharing is huge, but if you are not ready for that, at least go and listen to what they are saying, you'll think the words are coming out of your mouth, they'll be so like you. We as addicts, so frequently are using drugs and alcohol to cover things we don't want to feel, a disappointment in a relationship, conflicts with co-workers, differences of opinion with our families, anxiety, anger, and so on. It's important to discover what is at the root of why you are using, so you can begin to deal with that and recover from your addiction. There is a huge difference in being clean and recovering. You'll still have urges to use, but it's important to call someone from a meeting, or your sponsor before you use. You can do this, just take it a day at a time, if a day is too much, take it an hour at a time or minutes at a time and then keep going, you can do this!