Tough times

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Tough times

Unread postby Trying alone » Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:52 am

I have been sober since 11/26/2008, the day after Thanksgiving. I did this on my own without AA, or any kind of outside help structure. I have attended a couple of AA meetings in the past while I was drinking but none since I quit.
My immediate family knows of my sobriety, but all live elsewhere in the country.
I am going through some very difficult times over the last couple of weeks, and find myself edging closer to relapse.
The day I quit drinking, I placed the half empty bottle of vodka in the cupboard over the stove. I periodically open that cupboard and say to myself, You don't need that stuff anymore, but it is more difficult these last couple of weeks to close that door.
It is interesting as I find myself in quite a conundrum, while I want outside support, I am in a high profile job that I fear would suffer with any kind of public "honor bound privacy" environment. I have been recognized outside of my work environment in the past and this fact fuels my deepest fears for seeking fellowship and support.
I occasionally wonder if I am truely any better off not drinking, as I did that alone as well....I suppose the fact that I'm not spending the money on booze that I used to spend should be of some comfort, and at least i don't sit with the blinds pulled all of the time now.
Thanks for the forum, and letting me write this, it has been somewhat cathartic.
Trying alone
 

Re: Tough times

Unread postby abclimo » Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:26 pm

Dear Trying: Hi and welcome! I think you know the answer on whether you are better off sober or drinking, or you wouldn't have posted. I too did my drugs in private, with no one ever. You do know you don't want to go back to that way and you are strong enough not to do it. I know that so many times life throws us temptations and all kinds of "reasons" that we can talk ourself into thinking would justify just drinking or doing our drug of choice again. If you are concerned about someone recognizing you, you can go to a meeting not in your community. But, if you do go to a meeting in your area, think about it this way, if there is someone there from work, they won't be talking about seeing you there because they would have to admit they were there and not too many people like to admit that they are attending meetings to people who are not involved. Also, as you know from attending a few meetings, you only introduce yourself by first name and you could always use a different name. If you are too concerned to go to a meeting, keep posting here, we'll be happy to help you. We can't do this alone, but together we can. You need to tell yourself you are worth it. Hugs!
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Re: Tough times

Unread postby green eyes » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:09 pm

I have known quite a few people that have felt that way and they adjusted to it and have even started their own meetings now. It is so much better to go to a live meeting I just went to 2 back to back it was so comforting
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