by pearlofgod50 » Fri Oct 05, 2012 11:31 am
Hi!! Well, Well, DEPRESSION-- Hmmmmmm.............. So, here's the deal---- For the first 2 years of my sobriety I cried and cried- ALL THE TIME!! EVERYTHING (IT SEEMED) made me cry. I heard, in meetings, and in therapy, that this is NORMAL. We all have stories. We all have issues. The thing is- we, as alcoholics, are used to drinking our feelings into submission. We rather make them go away so we can "relax," so we tell ourselves. Trust me when I say these feelings are conditioned responses our alcoholism has told us is appropriate to solve our issues,i.e.-- "take a drink," "you'll feel BETTER." It is NORMAL for us, as alcoholics, to WANT to drink.So, DON'T beat yourself up over the "urge." I've been sober for six(6) years and the thought of a drink STILL comes up. Oh, sure, not all the time. But, like the lady who is experiancing family issues, I too have issues. We ALL do!!! It's just what we call, in A.A., life on life's terms. HEY-- I've lost a kidney to cancer,had a stroke, lost the use of my knees, and now I sit in an electric wheelchair!!!!! This all happened to me when I got SOBER!!!! CRAP!! I thought just the act of getting sober would solve everything-- WRONG!!! I have the utmost respect for life and am truely grateful. I have a lot of gratitude. Everyday, when I wake up, I'm happy to just be alive!! I was on the pity pot yesterday, because, I have found a lump in my breast and I've started to bleed from a" delicate" part of my body. Am I scared?!! You bet your A__ I AM!!!! I wanted a drink so bad yesterday, I could taste it! I'm angry to think my cancer is trying to win the battle!! BUT-- I'm grateful I have the tools A.A. gave me, what therapy taught me, and; of coarse, my sweet God.(not in that order) Bottom line? If you need help(you sound overwhelmed) try some community resources. Go to meetings. Be "selfish" w/ your "you" time. When so many depend on you, well, YOU need to take good care of yourself --FIRST!!! Maybe, seek therapy? As alcoholics, we're not used to doing good things for ourselves. We treat ourselves badly and assume we don't deserve any better because we don't know any better, at least not in EARLY sobriety. I would LOVINGLY suggest going to meetings,getting therapy(?) and getting some outside volunteer help from a community based organization to help w/ your family needs. You deserve a break, NOT a drink. It just dummies down the existing issue. Work on solving THAT, instead. LOVE, The Pearl Of God 50.