Falling And Getting Back Up (The Need To Beat This Is Real)

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Falling And Getting Back Up (The Need To Beat This Is Real)

Unread postby Joecroll86 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:21 am

Hello All,

My name is Joe I joined cause I keep failing my family and my self last night I broke my word and had a drink again after not drinking for 11 days the urges the pulls its so real I have never done a drug in my life and I feel that this is just like the worse drug of them all. Its so cheap to get the fix 3 dollars and your set its wrong I feel my will power over this problem is pulling me into the pit I got 3 wonderful kids and the most amazing wife who is sticking with me even though I feel like a complete blob of shit right now. I lost my job and my whole situation around me has been slowly going down the tubes for more then a year unemployment ran out I cant find a job to provide for my family everywhere I apply I cant find a living wage so I get utterly depressed and drink my self stupid to try and numb the stress this was before 11 days ago when I truly made the commitment to quit. I know in my life in last year or 2 I have attempted to quite here and there and wound up back on the wagon but 11 days ago I truly wanted to never feel the fucking feeling of utter dumbness/ that numbs the front of my mind and then have the weight of the world smash me in the face last night I snuck out while wife was sleeping and I went out bought 2 cans of 4 loko sour apple 14 percent abv and snuck them in the house like a common up to no good piece of shit and chugged the first can next to my pc by my self then utter guilt of what I did just depressed me so i dumped the other one and I tried to hide this utter betrayal to my wife in the Chinese bag next to my desk where I had done the deed. I could have easily thrown the stuff outside and brushed my teeth and used mouth wash but i climbed in bed and tried to forget what I had done in morning when my wife got up she easily smelled that i consumed alcohol and went in the room i felt like i utterly broke her heart I was doing so good but my god the pulls and urges how do people fight through this. I use to have to drink 12 pack and 2 malt beverages to get wasted but this one can made the urges die down i was not even close to wasted but it numbed part of me a bit while i sit on the couch for 3 hours prior going to bed. I feel guilty but the urge and the shakes went away is this normal with quitting something like this if I can push my self and hold back and push it away for 2 weeks 3 weeks a month each time pushing it further and further will this addiction be broken. Is falling off like this do i just get back on the bike and pedal and try not to fall off or get hit by a car because i dont like the way it makes me feel but my body does at the time and only for moments i enjoy my wife being happy for last 11 days and proud of me it made me feel like I was that person she met prior to this breakdown in my life. She is an amazing women i want to beat this not just for her and my kids but for myself I want her to have me the way I was and not this broken heap blob who fails her time and time again she found this site for me when i sat down at the pc this morning she had this site loaded to an AA meeting I will be attending at 7pm I never done this before at the holly family college in Philly I feel im on right steps of trying to beat this but I wanted to know if anyone attends this meeting at the college. Also I going to start to purge my body again drink 2-3 gallons of water daily through the next 7 days to purge the alcohol from my system i feel the water keeps you full but man the urges beat on the back of your mind but like last time after 7 days i felt amazing i was clear headed I truly wish I did not fall off I hate my self right now I am going to this meeting cause I think i need help from others who might know more about this then me

thanks all for those who take the time to read this I dont know if others go through this but i want to change that's what i am fighting for change for myself to do right for my family.

thanks again,
Joe
Joecroll86
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Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 10:19 am

Re: Falling And Getting Back Up (The Need To Beat This Is Re

Unread postby Lookingforhelp2018 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:18 am

Wow, I really connected with your story, but in a female version. I also have two amazing kids and a wonderful husband. I too recently lost my job, am not sure if I can get unemployment and feel like a total and complete piece of shit and failure not only to my family but to myself. I have no clue how this disease got a hold of me but it definitely has his grip on me. I can go for days, weeks, even months without drinking but the moment I pick up that first drink, it is off to the races as my husband likes say. I love seeing the smiling faces of my kids when I am not drinking but I also see the lack of trust they have because I have let them down so many times in the past I have no reason for picking up that first drink and everyone seems to want to know why I do. Everything in my life was going so well, good job, great kids but I feel like the more things go right the more I get into a self-destructive mode. I am totally and completely depressed right now and trying my hardest not to run out to the liquor store. I should be at work right now, I was great at my job but let my addiction take that from me yet again. So I completely understand about feeling like a blob of shit! Everyone tells me things happen for a reason and better things are on the way as long as I stay sober. God I hope that is true. Trying to look forward to the New Year

Thanks for listening to me.
Lookingforhelp2018
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Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:42 am


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