by Lookingforhelp2018 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:18 am
Wow, I really connected with your story, but in a female version. I also have two amazing kids and a wonderful husband. I too recently lost my job, am not sure if I can get unemployment and feel like a total and complete piece of shit and failure not only to my family but to myself. I have no clue how this disease got a hold of me but it definitely has his grip on me. I can go for days, weeks, even months without drinking but the moment I pick up that first drink, it is off to the races as my husband likes say. I love seeing the smiling faces of my kids when I am not drinking but I also see the lack of trust they have because I have let them down so many times in the past I have no reason for picking up that first drink and everyone seems to want to know why I do. Everything in my life was going so well, good job, great kids but I feel like the more things go right the more I get into a self-destructive mode. I am totally and completely depressed right now and trying my hardest not to run out to the liquor store. I should be at work right now, I was great at my job but let my addiction take that from me yet again. So I completely understand about feeling like a blob of shit! Everyone tells me things happen for a reason and better things are on the way as long as I stay sober. God I hope that is true. Trying to look forward to the New Year
Thanks for listening to me.