Scared confused and ready
Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:49 pm
I have just decided to become sober. I am not skeptical about AA or the 12 steps, I actually am looking forward to what my life can become with AA.
I am skeptical to my own alcoholism though...Part of me wants someone to diagnose me as an alcoholic just so I can fully accept it....I am a binge drinker. Every weekend probably for the past 15 years. This is really a new concept for me b/c what I think is an alcoholic, is not me...I go to work everyday (although the first 2 days of every week I am still recovering from the weekend). I don't drink in the morning ....I can go about 10 days without a drink.....
what really got crazy thought was my alcohol induced behavior....I have put myself in harms way in more ways than one with many scares, close calls and some terrible consequences. also my finances are..well ZERO....i''ll go the the bar every weekend and not pay my bills... I am broke!!!
I am scared to tell my friends......I know they will support me, I have great friends. I think some of them will think I am crazy b/c most of us have similiar drinking habits, however most of them do not suffer the way I do from drinking. My life has become severly unmanagable....I have tried therapists who have put me on anti depressants, I just found in a journal I was writing in at that time I was seeing a therapist and the one entry said that the best week I had was when I went to the bar and only had 2 beers....no guilt, bad behavior, depression, anxiety and less money spent....thats what it said...I even told my therapist and he never told me to stop drinking.......so I didn't even think at that time that alcohol was my problem....well maybe I had an idea....but I just thought I needed to drink less......
I knew many more people who obviously were alcoholics...they got into fights, and were falling over drunk and angry....not me....all of my situations only harmed myself so this made me think I had complete control...I could stop at any time.
I am rambling ....and scared maybe not making sense or complete thoughts....how will I leave my social life behind....what will I do for fun???? how will I tell my friends and have them think i'm serious....
I fell like I'm always telling them something ...i'm going on a diet...i'm quitting smoking....I always fail.....
I want them to take me seriously...I feel like I really need AA
I am skeptical to my own alcoholism though...Part of me wants someone to diagnose me as an alcoholic just so I can fully accept it....I am a binge drinker. Every weekend probably for the past 15 years. This is really a new concept for me b/c what I think is an alcoholic, is not me...I go to work everyday (although the first 2 days of every week I am still recovering from the weekend). I don't drink in the morning ....I can go about 10 days without a drink.....
what really got crazy thought was my alcohol induced behavior....I have put myself in harms way in more ways than one with many scares, close calls and some terrible consequences. also my finances are..well ZERO....i''ll go the the bar every weekend and not pay my bills... I am broke!!!
I am scared to tell my friends......I know they will support me, I have great friends. I think some of them will think I am crazy b/c most of us have similiar drinking habits, however most of them do not suffer the way I do from drinking. My life has become severly unmanagable....I have tried therapists who have put me on anti depressants, I just found in a journal I was writing in at that time I was seeing a therapist and the one entry said that the best week I had was when I went to the bar and only had 2 beers....no guilt, bad behavior, depression, anxiety and less money spent....thats what it said...I even told my therapist and he never told me to stop drinking.......so I didn't even think at that time that alcohol was my problem....well maybe I had an idea....but I just thought I needed to drink less......
I knew many more people who obviously were alcoholics...they got into fights, and were falling over drunk and angry....not me....all of my situations only harmed myself so this made me think I had complete control...I could stop at any time.
I am rambling ....and scared maybe not making sense or complete thoughts....how will I leave my social life behind....what will I do for fun???? how will I tell my friends and have them think i'm serious....
I fell like I'm always telling them something ...i'm going on a diet...i'm quitting smoking....I always fail.....
I want them to take me seriously...I feel like I really need AA