Here I go again.

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Here I go again.

Unread postby Richie » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:01 am

Well i havent been to an AA meeting in probably about 2 years. When I first went to aa was when i first got out or rehab in the summer of 04. I was in rehab for oxy's coke and alcohol. i was kind of wishy washy at first and ended up getting a 2nd dui in 05. I really got serious after that and was attending 2-3 meetings a week. I had about 4 months under my belt when i went to jail, and was sober for the 3 months i was in there. So that put my sober time at 7 months. Well i guess i figured I had it beat when I got out of jail and stopped going to meetings. Not too long after that i picked up and started using again. First it was just on the weekends. Then i got into school and started hanging out with a younger crowd who likes to get crazy and ended up blacking out again, pissing myself, and going down the way to find shit. I am so fucking depressed, i have been drunk pretty much since dec 18th. I really need help. I know there is a meeting today at 12 thats walking distance from me. hopefully this bitter cold wont detur me too much. oh and one other thing. this is actually the thing that keeps me from going to aa the most. so mych emphasis is put on god or a higher power. i am an atheist. it is hard for me to pray, i just don't see the point. can i recover with absolutely no belief in a higher power?? :(
Richie
 

Re: Here I go again.

Unread postby Guest » Fri Jan 04, 2008 7:52 pm

Richie,

The 2nd dui should be your higher power. When will you stop, when you kill yourself or god forbid kill other people???

The things you wrote do not sound like a good time. It sounds like hell. Why put yourself through hell everynight? It sounds like the meetings help, so go!!! Your not drinking when you go, that's a start. Build off of that.

People have recovered without thinking they have a higher power. You can too.

I almost killed people while drinking and driving. DO NOT DO THAT. It will haunt you the rest of your life.

We care. Get help. Go to meetings. Get a counselor. Do whatever it takes.
Guest
 

Re: Here I go again.

Unread postby Guest » Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:08 am

Hey Richie, even if you don't believe in God, believe in yourself. That's all you have, man. You're your higher power, and you're in control. You can mess up your life, or you can try to get it better. The ball is in your court.
Guest
 

Re: Here I go again.

Unread postby Guest » Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:58 am

Richie,
AA only says you have to believe in a power greater than yourself/outside yourself. It's the "AA fundamentalist" who insist that if "you ain't praying you ain't staying." These are very sick people who get very threatened by any body's recovering experience that is not identical to their own dogmatic version of recovery. It is interesting that they had this fight in AA 70 years ago with the compromise being: changing god to "higher power, or adding the as "I understood him clause."I have 6 1/2 years of continuous abstinence from drugs and alcohol, and am also an agnostic/atheist. I do believe in many higher powers (right now it is this web site and my human interaction with another person trying to figure recovery out.) I go to AA, but I am very selective to which meetings I go to. I have just recently become more vocal about my beliefs (or lack of). I was completely surprised by the response, (almost like the police's song "letter in a bottle".) There are literally thousands of people with our belief system who silently and anonymously (pun intended) attend AA. My advise is go to AA for the human connection and social/recovering support network. Be very selective, avoid "nazi meetings" and I am pretty sure that you will find people who will support your recovery. I do believe addiction is difficult to beat on a long term basis without support, but it is probably even more detrimental to be judged by zealots trying to convert you and continuously warning you of your impending relapse if you don't "surrender" to the spiritual principles.

Good Luck, and my atheist "well wishes/humanistic energies" etc. etc. go out to you.
David
Guest
 

Re: Here I go again.

Unread postby Jason » Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:26 pm

God believes in YOU. He can wait. You may not live to wait. Its that simple. Your walking an all too familiar path. We have all treaded on that same hellish ground. I hope you are still trying. Stay strong and reach out. Reach out to me if you have to. Its a lonely, scary world... when youre using. It doesn't have to be that way.
Jason
 

Re: Here I go again.

Unread postby kimmie » Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:43 pm

Hang in there. It will get better. I know, another cliche'. I've been sober now for a little over 14 years and I still can't believe how it works. The friendships I've made with people and the respect that I've gained for myself is beyond compare. And cold weather would have never detered me from a drink so it shouldn't deter you from a meeting. And the next time you go, get numbers and use them. There really are people in recovery that will get you to a meeting. When you share, let people know where you're at, ask for a ride, a number, what you need. Listen at a meeting when they read how it works, (any lengths, rigourous honest.)
Take care of yourself and always remember that You are worth it, You do deserve happiness, love yourself today.
As far as the God thing, when I went to do my 4th step , my first question was could I have a resentment towards God, and without hesitation my sponsor said absolutely. Little did I know that she knew when I put pen to paper I would be in a place where blame was not even an issue but a humble desire to change. I was pissed at first but looking back now, I live the life I live today because of God, my higher power. You can chose what works for you, that's the beauty of this wonderful fellowship.
Good luck in your quest, may you truly find a sober, happy way of life, the rewards are so much greater than any hang-over I've ever had.
Kimmie
kimmie
 

Re: Here I go again.

Unread postby guest » Sat Nov 22, 2014 2:00 am

I am now facing my 2nd dui and I have to decide whether to fight the case and risk 90 days in jail or take treatment option. treatment seems impossible tho because its ten days jail, 80 house arrest, 14th and market to piss test and lose license 18 months. on other hand I dont want to do 90 days to five yrs if I lose case. and if I lose will I still lose license? any advice?
guest
 

Re: Here I go again.

Unread postby Tonya J1 » Mon Feb 16, 2015 6:40 am

I got a really big wake-up call a several days ago. I thought I had alcohol under control and that cunning, baffling, powerful, stuff got me again. I've now learned that the 30-35% of the time that I turn into someone else, make poor decisions, etc. is NOT worth that one drink. I have a lot a scary propositions now that I'm facing my second DUI after 2.5 years of sobriety and an additional 6.5 years of 'responsible drinking.' "Stinkin' thinkin," got in my way and here I am, facing a mountain of problems simply because I forgot that I am not in control when alcohol is consumed. It is my allergy, my angst and my curse. May I never get so egotistical that I forget this lesson, ever again. Thank The Universe for the AA program and the support of the rooms. Signing in here as I'm not handling this cold so well and fellowship and meetings seems to be a very necessary part of my recovery. Am also looking for a rehab for alcoholism....not suffering a withdrawal, require more intensive therapy if I'm to convince my alcoholic brain that this is it, this is the way it needs to be.. Good luck to those who relapse....the fact that you're still here and not in worse position......death, manslaughter,.....etc. you get what I mean. At least now you have the opportunity to learn the important lessons you need when it comes to your use of alcohol. Me, I thank my higher power everyday for the blessing of each day of sobriety. I have today.....doesn't/didn't matter how much time I have/had....I've been blessed with today and with the help of the AA program and my higher power, I will be sober today.
Tonya J1
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