Trying to get sober

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Trying to get sober

Unread postby melissa m. » Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:19 am

Well, it's been about a month since I decided I needed to start to deal with my problems with alcohol. I have been trying to deny that I am an alcoholic for years now, but my life seems at this point to be totally unmanageble. I am not sure which came first, my depression and low self esteem, or my binge drinking. I am not someone who drinks every day... but I have absolutely no control over how much I drink once I start. Once I am drunk, everything goes down hill and I am lucky that worse things have not happened. But, I turn into a completely different person when I am drinking. I act lke an A-hole, I get involved with the wrong men, I fall down, I get kicked out of bars, I say all kinds of things I shouldn't say... and worst of all I drive. How I have never gotten into an accident, or had a DUI I have no idea!!
This summer has been a real struggle for me. I have been going to AA meetings almost everday-- but I have not managed to completely stop drinking. I have a beach house with a bunch of friends, and drinking is all part of our daily routine. I have tried to curbe my drinking, and a few times it has worked... I stayed home while everyone went to the bar, and one night I even went out and somehow managed to not drink. But over all, I have found it impossible to stay completely sober.. and I haven't really wanted to. I just want to keep denying that I have a problem and "enjoying" myself.
Then on Saturday I started drinking at a day party around 1pm and somehow I ended up in Atlantic city... still at the blackjack table around 11am-- still drinking. Not only did I lose the $1500 I was up at one point, but I lost another $600 that I could NOT afford to lose. I slept in my car, then came back to my house feeling like a complete loser, and have been depressed ever since. I know that this is no way to live. I just don't know any other way. I would REALLY love to go away for a month.. but I don't have the best insurance, and I feel like every program I have looked into is over $20K. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?? Also, I am in Avalon for the week, and would love to find a meeting nearby.
if anyone wants to contact me, my email is melissamcgarry@live.com THANKS!!
melissa m.
 

Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby jtmax79 » Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:46 am

hey, i understand what you are going through, this is really tough
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Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby guest » Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:06 am

Melissa,

Don't give up on the meetings. I think your problem at the moment is hanging with the friends that drink. If they were your true friends, they would understand you not wanting to go out with them because you are trying NOT to drink. They say a lot of drinking is situational, if you put yourself in the position to drink, you will, especially at the shore and bars that you frequent. They're comfortable so the cycle is continuing.

Try to find meetings were the participants are close to your age. Also, try a meeting that has an agenda (big book, 12 steps, etc) to keep you focused. Do Not Give Up.
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Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Mike C » Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:37 pm

Melissa.......Just hang in there sweetie. I had 14 years of sobriety before I got deployed to Iraq. I lost 4 soldiers, and didn`t know how to ease the pain. Today, after 2 additional DUI`s :D I have 16 months sober and I`m living pproof that you can start over. just hang in there....DON`T GIVE UP....it will get better. If no one told you today....I Love You


Keep Coming Back....
Mike C
Mike C
 

Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Thad » Fri Sep 05, 2008 10:30 pm

I've found some good folks at O'Biren Center http://www.pennhealth.com/behav_health/ ... /team.html

I've also had fun with recovery... filling the void of alcohol with long bike rides... kayaking, more time at the gym... It's all been very worthwhile.
Stay focused!
Thad
 

Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Nomad777 » Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:14 am

Its not easy. I know what you mean about it being a part of your lifestyle. I too identify who I am thru my association with drinking. I stop for a week or two and then feel like I've earned a few. Of course the few invariably become 30 or 40 and there I am passed out...again... only to awaken the next afternoon and make more empty promises to myself. The irony is that drinking has caused me failure in so many arenas of my life: professional, personal, health, spiritual, etc... you see the one thing I'm really good at, is drinking. Getting drunk. and stupid... then all the mistakes I make can be blamed on the alcohol. Not me! If I stop drinking then I'll be quitting something that I'm really good at! And after all, the prize for continuing the madness is still out there... some institution, or prison, or the best yet! A Funeral where all the attendees shake their heads and mutter, "what a waste."
God help us both.
Nomad777
 

Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby melissa m. » Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:18 pm

Wow.. it had been so long since I checked in with this site.. I was amazed to see how many people responded to my post, and more importantly who really seem to be able to relate to all that I am going through :)

I am still really struggling with all of this.. and I although I have been continuing to attend AA meetings, I have also continued to drink. I am really really trying to stop completely... but I keep telling myself the same lie that I should be able to have a few drinks here and there and just learn to conrol my behaviour. I'm not sure how I will ever lead a life completely free of alcohol. It just seems impossible. BUT, when I go to meetings, and I talk to other alcoholics who were once just like me, and have somehow made it to the other side.. I do feel a slight glimmer of hope that it is possible.

Thank you to those who have replied, and if anyone else has any advice, including where to find good meetings in or around Philly, I am MORE than open to hearing it!

Thanks again!

~Melissa
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Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Guest » Sat Nov 22, 2008 9:27 pm

Hi,

Just know you are not alone. I thought I was the only one going through everything i was going through and it turned out I wasn't. Just take one day at a time. Things will get better. Go to meetings and speak, get it all out. People will help and the most important thing is to get a sponser. Best of luck to you.
Guest
 

Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Chris M » Sun Nov 23, 2008 4:06 pm

Melissa: If you're going to meetings, keep going! Many of us kept going while we were drinking until whatever it was in The Program that clicked, clicked for us. Let me ask if you've got a sponsor, that one or group of special, trustworthy confidants you can call 24/7? If not, start looking for one. One of the things that works for me, as far as NOT drinking goes, is what's called the relapse prevention model. It's a psychological series of some 17 or 18 questions that leads to the last self-judgment: if we drink or use, knowing that there will be consequences, are we willing to be held responsible to those consequences. For me, the consequences might stay stable for a while, but they never - NEVER - get better and, eventually, they WILL get worse, consequences involving the usual hangovers, shakes, losing family, jobs, a DUI, jail, court-ordered alcohol education classes, and a triple increase (at least) in car insurance rates for at least three years. For me, I'm not willing to be responsible to those consequences. Keep going to the meetings; if you don't have a sponsor, get one; if you have one, use him or her and, remember, the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.
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Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Support Person » Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:03 pm

One of my loved ones just completed a 30 day program at Marworth (outside of Scranton) in Waverly PA. It's rated as one of the best facilities for detox and rehab. The cost for the program was under $10,000, which I know is high, but it is less than $20,000. They also have a scholarship program that the patients can apply for to help pay for the cost of treatment. They have a lot of programs for family participation and understanding. I learned a lot about the disease, and feel it's been invaluable for me to help my loved one. Remember, this is a disease, a gene that is 60% of the cause of your addiction, the other 40% is environmental. As a support person, I don't understand why more research hasn't been done on this disease, but that's another story.

Best wishes to you, God be with you in your recovery. Go to meetings, they are amazingly helpful!
Support Person
 

Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Everyday » Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:19 pm

I'm new to this site.

I can relate to Melissa M. I have had a problem with alcohol for about 9 years and over the past three years. My behavior when I drink has gotten out of control.
I am not a everyday drinker but once I start I can't stop. I reach for alcohol whenever the pressures of life become to great. More and more bad things are happening when I drink arguments with friends coming close to crashing my car and hurting my self physically by falling and stumbling. I had a incident this past summer where i fell and busted my mouth on some concrete steps. At that moment I vowed not to drink again but I found myself right back in the same situation of being drunk and hurting myself. I am now trying to seek help for my problem. I don't want to be drunk ever again. I've said this countless time to myself and have always ended up drunk one or two weeks later. I'm searching to find the difference this time I know for certain that I can't drink at all, not even a drop, one drink is too many and 10 are not enough.
I have no desire to drink everyday I have a desire to be taken away from any problems that I may have in my life
Just by reflecting on things in my life I realize that sometimes I do not want to be who I am and drinking makes me someone else but someone bad that I can not stand. For me I think that I have to learn to deal with the pressure of life and always know that drinking is not going to solve them or make me feel better about them. This is most serious challenge I have ever faced in my life and I'm determined to conquer it.
Getting sober and staying sober has to be the #1 priority in my life.
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Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby macdaddy1 » Sat Dec 06, 2008 4:16 pm

Hey Everyday,
I have been sober now for about a month. I never thought I had a problem either until I got a DUI. That has been "the lnongestnight". It cost me a ton of moneu, over $7,000.00. I lost my license for a year. And I still continued to drink. What woke me up was the need to sneek booze into the house. I can't drive so I was making up reasons to get a ride then buying booze to bring into the house. Without me thinking my whole day was about getting booze. I seemed "normal" but I was not.
After about a year of this I entered myself into an outpatient program. Three days a week, three hours each visit for six weeks. After a couple of weeks now it seems to be working.
Some early learnings understanding my triggers. Those things that make me want to drink. Some of these are some of my friends, some places, some situations, and even some family members.
I am now going to try an AA meeting. I think I know what to expect I just am a little hesitant to go into the building. We will see..........................
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Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Everyday » Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:21 pm

Hello macdaddy1

I also plan to go to a AA meeting tomorrow and I am scared also I don't know what to expect.
I also thought about the triggers that make me want to drink and for me it's just life. There are frustrations in my life financially, with friends and family that make me want to drink but there are also good moments celebrations that make me want to drink. At first I thought that I wanted to get away from problems but I see now that I just wanted to be drunk.
I've lost some relationships over drinking, these relationships may not have been for me but alcohol was a factor in them ending. I would get drunk and curse out someone I was dating or someone I had deep feelings for, because of certain frustrations in that relationship. Knowing that this person or situation was not for me and the alcohol would intensify this feeling which would lead me to acting like a lunatic. I believe my frustrations were justified but my methods(alcohol)were all wrong. For me handling any situation with alcohol is wrong this is what I am realizing now.
The only good thing that has come out of the situations is that it made me realize that I am a alcoholic and that I need help.
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Re: Trying to get sober

Unread postby Chris M » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:41 pm

Macdaddy1: If you can stay as focused as you sound now, you WILL make it - day by day, step by step, moment to moment. One of the hardest hurts of my own recovery was understanding and then realizing that what I WANTED in relationships wasn't what I NEEDED! At the same time, I also had to admit that I WASN'T what the other person needed. Many relationships can survive the nosedive into alcoholism; others can't. And some can make it through the RECOVERY; other's can't. I think part of MY "bottom" was realizing what my drinking at cost in HUMAN terms - although, God knows, there were other costs, like nights in the county jail's drunk tank, triple car insurance rates for three years at a time, near financial ruin. But I'm sober today, and I hope I'm still learning WHY I put myself through all that agony. And remembering it has been one of the reasons I'm not drinking today. "Higher Power" bless!
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