Sobriety Online

I am new to this whole chat room thing. I have been trying to get sober ever since I relapsed 16 years ago. I have had little success, and have reached new lows every time I drink. My cravings start the minute I open my eyes in the morning, i don't get drunk anymore, just drink until I am sick or pass out. If I can make it until two in the afternoon without a drink that is a good day. I have managed to get off ALL the drugs without much trouble, the alcohol won't leave me alone. Maybe because it is the last thing to go. I don't like being sober, I am suicidal and depressed. Of course booze worsens this tremendously, but you know I am powerless. Today is my first day trying again, my stomach is becoming distended and the amount of booze it takes, well I can't afford this habit. I have tried the whole meeting thing and it scares me to the point of shaking. I can't talk in front of people and I am very paranoid. I am not against working the steps, I lost my license to a dui of course and even though there is a meeting within walking distance I am terrified. Maybe this chat room can get me started and see what happens, I feel good knowing I won't be a crying idiot this evening looking for more booze. Thanx