finding it harder

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finding it harder

Unread postby dereonfierce » Wed Jun 10, 2009 6:15 pm

i recently found that i was a becoming a danger to myself drinking as heavily as i was. i finally decided to stop after i helped a girl that got taken advantage of by police in vegas. they brutalized her and girated on her and took pictures of her and i was the only one she felt comfortable coming to for help. i had met her 3 times before this. I came home and finally had a moment to feel and relate to all i helped her through. my sister had killed herself after being in an abusive relationship for 9 years and left behind her 5 year old daughter for me to guide. i had drown out my feelings and wasn't allowing myself to take anything positive away from the experience. I was also staying in an unhealthy relationship myself and realized i should take some of my own advice. i left my boyfriend in a jiffy, packed his stuff, moved my horses, and fired him from my business. i haven't drank since may 13th. i think to myself, why would i ruin that? but then i have days at my work where i feel like, why not ruin that? i'd like to pull my hair out and scream and i have no help, so why not? it's so negative to think but at the moment i run a business with 7 employees, i run a dog rescue and i have 7 horses and my sisters daughter... i am overwhelmed all the time and i am undermined by my male employees all the time. My friends, though they encouraged me to leave my boyfriend, are all unhappy with me now. so not only did i think i was doing the right thing by leaving him but now i am even more alone. i fell alone... all the time. i am surrounded by busy, work, work, work, than my animals all the time... so why do i feel so alone and barely supported? i confessed to few that i thought i had a drinking problem and my biggest fear was that, as a business owner and respected woman locally, that they would think less of me, and they seemingly do. i don't know what to do and i feel like i want to give up. please help me.
dereonfierce
 

Re: finding it harder

Unread postby crash » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:09 am

FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU HAVEN`T DRANK SINCE 5/13 THAT`S GREAT! BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO GETTING SOBER THAN NOT DRINKING. IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT IN RECOVERY THAN THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE YOU. YOU NEED TO GET TO AN AA MEETING, THAN ANOTHER, THAN ANOTHER, AND SO ON. THAT IS WHERE PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU, BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN THRU THE SAME EXPERIENCES. THEY WILL LOVE YOU TIL YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF, AND THAT`S NO BULLSHIT !! YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE NOT UNIQUE, THAT YOUR SITUATION IS NOT GREATER OR LESS THAN ANYONE ELSE TRYING TO GET SOBER. EVERYONE`S PAIN IS IS UNBEARABLE TO THEM AS YOURS IS TO YOU. GET GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU DO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, GET OFF THE PITY POT, GET TO A MEETING, AND ASK FOR HELP. IT`S THERE IF TYOU REALLY WANT IT !!!!. MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS CRASHDADDYTY@AOL.COM. WRITE ME AND LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING, OR IF YOU NEED TO TALK. IT`S HARD WORK BUT IT CHANGED MY LIFE !
crash
 


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