Opening up

[pbl9]

Hi all, this is my first post and I'd like to share with all of you my thoughts. I found myself sleepless last night so decided to try and write about how I felt about alcohol. This is what I came up with:

To Alcohol; a love letter

Dearest Alcohol,

My oldest love, my closest friend, my soul companion in this world filled with fear and darkness, oh how I miss your embrace. My waking hours are haunted by thoughts of your absence, and no matter the effort I make to drive you from my mind; you are there, beckoning me, calling me, seducing me to come back to you, if only one more time.

My friends came and went, my lovers ignited my passions for a time then faded from memory, but you were always there for me, providing me a comfort only you could give me, a comfort I long to feel again. The memory of your taste on my lips is a bitter reminder that you are no longer with me; always present, always within reach, but never again to be a part of my life.

With fondness I remember our first encounters. You took a frightened young boy afraid of his own shadow and turned him into an upbeat, outgoing social butterfly, full of wit and charm. You gave me the power to do things that I could not do without you, the ability to eradicate all my fears and set me free from my worries.

I don't know exactly when you turned on me, but that did not end my love for you. Hurt me as you may, I always came back to you, because I needed you, needed you more than I needed anything else in this world. As I grew you grew with me; my worries and anxieties swelled and threatened to overwhelm me, but you would always pull me from them, free me of their shackles. My appetite for you was insatiable; the more of you I had the more of you I wanted.

What went wrong my love? Why did you so cruelly add to my pain, knowing that I would still faithfully turn to you to ease it, knowing that you would just bring more misery upon me. Things started out so wonderfully between us, how did they end so miserably? You stole my will to live, save to live for you and you alone. Your allure made me cast aside everyone and everything in my life, yet I still ran to you, hoping to feel you course through my body, warming me and bringing me back to that magical place when we first met. With one kiss you would draw me in, yet the more I had of you, the less you worked. Why did you stop numbing the pain for me?

You meant everything to me, and at one point I was willing to sacrifice everything for you, even my own life. How could you repay me with such empty promises and hollow feelings? I know now that you can never again be part of my life. You returned my love for you by ruining me to my very core. Yet, despite your ruin, I still yearn for you, still cry for you to take away the pain, the fear, the anxiety that this life brings.

Goodbye my love. You have broken this poor boy's heart. It pains me to have to turn away from you, but it is you who had abandoned me long ago. Now I am left alone in this world to fend for myself. You have left me cold, frightened, and broken. I know I can no longer live with you in my life, but I do not know if I can live without you either. I am terrified of a life without you; I have been with you so long I don't know any other way to live, but you have betrayed me for the last time. Whether I can survive or not in this cold and lonely world is a mystery, but live or die, it will be without you.

[Guest]

Yes, you can survive without Alcohol, and you will. You are NOT alone. Go to meetings and regain your life. One day at a time.

[kymba]

Great farewell note pbl9! I think I will save it as one of my favorites. I wanted the alcohol to kill me because I had no reason left to live. Apparently, the forces saw differently. I no longer "crave" it, but the thought lingers of that numbing feeling when I feel lonely and depressed. Then I think of how that little bit of vodka ruins lives. That's what works for me.

[Rain]

Self seeking and self pity will slip away.

Keep coming back. It works. You'll get it