I am in HELL

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I am in HELL

Unread postby Sissi0803 » Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:40 am

Well another night of hell. I picked up a 12 pack and drank that and harrassed a man I love by texting him the whole time and threatening him. Then, a 12 pack was not enough, I drove drunk and got another 6 pack so I drank 18 and then around 11:30 p.m. I got a call from my 17 yr old daughter and she needed me, I was not there for her. She was also drunk and needed a ride. My ex fortunately got her but I really let her down. I am scared for her also and do not want her to go thru this hell. I am very sick today but did manage to come into work. I have to drink to do anything. I can't imagine my life without it. I have been in and out of AA meetings and they do not work for me at all. I feel even more depressed when I go and I am sick of men hitting on me. I do not know what to do but I know AA is not the answer for me. It is like a revolving door for most people. I have had 3 DUI's and also totaled my car and I have also been to rehab.

Can anyone please give me some suggestions. I am lost and sometimes just feel like I want to die.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby Rain » Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:11 pm

Ok, if you are sure you want some suggestions, here they are:

"I have been in and out of AA meetings and they do not work for me at all."

This might be true. But you sound like you can be honest, so maybe it just needs a little tweeking.
There are 2 parts to AA.
Part 1 The program of AA (= first 164 pages of BB + traditions)
Part 2 The fellowship of AA. (= meetings, sponsors, calling, conventions)

Going to lots of meetings (and in particular open sharing meetings) won't keep most people that are alcoholics sober long. Part 1+ Part 2= Sober. One without the other? Not so much.

"I feel even more depressed when I go and I am sick of men hitting on me."

Well, yeah. If AA isn't working then you're kind of screwed. And that is depressing.
As to men hitting on you, that is easily solved. 2 words: "Womens Meeting"

"I do not know what to do but I know AA is not the answer for me. "

Sorry to hear that.

It is like a revolving door for most people.

Is it? Maybe, then, doing what "most people" are not doing might not help you. Why not try what most people are not doing?
There are 2 parts to AA:
Part 1 The program of AA (= first 164 pages of the Big Book + 12 Traditions)
Part 2 The fellowship of AA. (= meetings, sponsors, friends, calling, conventions)

Going to lots of meetings (and in particular open sharing meetings) won't keep most alcoholics sober for long. Part 1+ Part 2= Sober. One without the other? Not so effective.


"I have had 3 DUI's and also totaled my car and I have also been to rehab."
That would be enough for some people, and not enough for others. Is it enough for you?
At rehab I bet they told you to do 90 meetings in 90 days, stick to the winners and "meeting makers make it". You might have been doing those things and not getting good results. They aren't part of the AA program, FYI.
"Can anyone please give me some suggestions. I am lost and sometimes just feel like I want to die."

The question is are you willing to take some suggestions? If you can, you are ready to take certain steps.

Suggestions;
Try the AA program, as it is writen in big book.
Go to meetings (I know you've done it before). Big Book or Step Meetings ONLY. Preferably Womens Big Book or Step Meetings.
Get a sponsor. One who has been sober and worked all the steps in order, and can help you work all the steps in order. Ask to make sure.
Work the steps. Probably nothing else will work.
Alcoholics that work the steps tend to stay sober. And sober is the way for most of us out of Hell. Maybe you too.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby Sissi0803 » Fri Aug 27, 2010 1:36 pm

Thank you for the advice and I am really going to try this time. My only choices are a sober life, jail or death. I finally realize that. Now I just have to do it.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby Rain » Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:20 pm

I finally realize that. Now I just have to do it.

Yes. The good news is that you don't have to do it alone.

BTW, feel free to PM
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby cindy0406 » Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:12 am

I am sorry to hear that AA doesn't work for you. It sounds to me like you are waiting for AA to do the work. You have to work to get sober. You need a sponsor and you have to work at least the first three steps. AA does work but you have to work it and get involved. Good luck.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby sobertoad » Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:00 pm

I have been to hell and back and AA does work but it works on their terms. I was in 3 rehabs but no duis, just robbery, larceny and forgery and finally I went to a rehab that dealt in confrontation and man did it work. For 10 years I went to meetings every night, why, because I drank every night. AA works if you work it and trust me it is not easy. My father was in AA and I put him through hell. Yesterday, I put my 24 year old son in rehab 4 duis in 6 months. I have been sober 37 years since I was 24 and it was not easy but it is worth it. Yes, there is pain but there is pain in staying drunk. yes, I wanted to die many times but go sober when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. AA does work and it works better than anything else out there now.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby Rain » Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:19 am

To the OP;

"I called you at the time that you suggested -- and offered to help you. Since you were too busy planning and thinking about photos -- I understand, you didn't have time to talk with me. If you get the time, out of your busy schedule, and want help again, and can fit me in -- you have my number. Hopefully, I'll still be available to help. Best regards."

Now, I'll move on to the next one.

Sometimes a person gets the gift of desperation. And, they toss it.

For myself -- my experience proved to me, that getting sober was not so much a choice I would make in "my time". I failed to recognize that Life presents us with "windows of opporuntiy" to change. And, when the window closes -- there are sometimes no more windows and no more doors that will be opened.

I hope you get another window.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby yaman » Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:12 pm

you all just sound like a bunch of angry people that are owed something, she wants a solution or answer other then aa, whats wrong with that? NOTHING....just cause you feel lost without your presious dont mean she will, most trivial answers to the most common problems that she talks about. For once i actually fee dumber for reading......LAME!!! LOL
yaman
 

Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby jramos11598 » Wed Sep 29, 2010 1:00 pm

i have read allthe messages > and believe or not. I use to say that. utill. the day . i almost lost my daughter. and after that . that wasnt all. I lost my daughter and wife and my business, and end up sleeping in a motel. for a week. this situation lasted for 1 1/2 years. separated from wife and kid, no one to help me. i was no used to ask for help to no body. I cried like a baby. had no where to live and still continue using. for the love of my daughter my wife offer me to go away. I did, came back. did all I could to stay clean. atteneded to mettings. went to out patient sessions. (1 on1 ) got a job with the city. and gets bwetter. i transfered my records to my school district. and it happened they interviewed me and now. i worl in my own district. 5.min form my home. GOD IS WATCHING OVER YOU AND ME. pls dont give up.we all need help. and the help is @ your finger tips. go to the rooms, call others. keep in touch. dont stop. take care. be well.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby dukiejuice69 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 5:49 pm

this thing is a disease and u must treat as such ! there is much more then just meetnz! steps , sponcers, sober friends ! gettn laid its all good !
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby Rain » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:18 am

yaman wrote:you all just sound like a bunch of angry people that are owed something, she wants a solution or answer other then aa, whats wrong with that? NOTHING....just cause you feel lost without your presious dont mean she will, most trivial answers to the most common problems that she talks about. For once i actually fee dumber for reading......LAME!!! LOL



she wants a solution or answer other then aa, whats wrong with that? NOTHING

You are right. There is nothing wrong with wanting another solution. A solution other than AA, other than reliance on a higher power, other than working to rid ourselves of our defects of character, other than being rigorously honest. Sometimes this is refered to as "an easier, softer way". EVERYBODY in AA wanted that.

Because the way of AA is work, and it's scary and it might be hard.

The problem is this: The people that are sober in AA have found a solution. After they find a way to stop drinking, and live life on life's terms, and become happy, joyous and free, they hardly ever keep looking for a solution.

Sometimes I lose my car keys. After I find them....I don't look for them anymore. If you are like me, you probably do the same thing.

So yes, if you ask people in recovery what is the answer, most of the time it will be "Go to an AA meeting, read the book, work the steps, get a sponsor".



There has been a program mentioned that I'm not familier with. Will that work? Maybe. I don't know, I've never tried it. If it works for you, then do that program. If you'd like to know about it, you'll want to talk to someone who has done it. (I strongly suspect that they work steps, read liturature, and have sponsors. In other words, work.)

AA is a program of action. The actions have to be taken for the program to work.

Wanting that to be different doesn't make it different. And meanwhile, people are dying a little more each day, waiting for a different solution. Some are just dying.

The actions to get and stay sober are not ones that you have to take alone, and they are not as difficult as you might imagine. But they do have to be taken if you are an alcoholic that wants a better life. And they give FABULOUS rewards.
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Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby no name » Wed Oct 06, 2010 2:45 pm

you cant stay sober without surrendering until then theres no room for your higher power. Ive been sober a long time without humility theres no room God I hang with some great people in A A 26 years 29years 20 years the steps changed my life . GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SURRENDER TO GOD HE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE Rairly have we seen a person failwho has throughly followed our path.
no name
 

Re: I am in HELL

Unread postby @mizzlala215 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:49 pm

hello.. i was reading your blog and i just want to tell you congrats.. the first part of getting help is admiting that you have a problem. you really should try and get yourself into detox or a clinic. i say this beacause you have children and family that love you! i am not trying to tell you what to do but i do know how if feels to loose a parent to alcohol. i lost my dad a little over a year ago to alcohol and perscription drugs. i was 18 and he had just turned 50 exactly aweek before. this disease took him so fast it was like a flash before myeyes. i am daddys little girl and hes not here any more. i miss my dad every single day there is not 1 second that goes by that i dont think about him. i am on this website to try and talk to young teens and adultsand try and tell them what this disease can do and if it keeps going thats how it ends. not only are youhurting your self your are hurting your children, your family , and your friends. i hope you get the help you need and you can send me a message if you would like 2. i wish only the best 2 you and good luck.
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