Am I an alcoholic? No I seriously don't know...

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Am I an alcoholic? No I seriously don't know...

Unread postby justificationgirl » Thu Jan 13, 2011 5:06 am

I went to rehab at age 14 when I got caught smoking weed for the first time. I've been told I was an addict before I ever did anything. I went to reform school with Beverly Hills disasters, and I just don't know if I'm an addict. I was on heroin on and off for 3 years. About three years ago, I stopped. After all the meetings a went to for years, and I kept using... I just stopped it all. I just mentally made myself believe I wasn't an addict, and I haven't done it since. The problem is, I'm drinking. I'd like to say its social. Yeah, I go to bars, but I'm there to drink. I'm there because there is alcohol there. I hate it there. I hate the people most of the time, I hate getting hit on by weirdos, so why do I go? It's gotta be the alcohol. And so I started drinking alone. It's cheaper. Since I went back to college, money has been tight. Sometimes I drink to stop worrying. Sometimes I drink to goto sleep. SOmetimes I drink to calm down. My life is very functional. I'm on dean's list (obviously I'm not an english major, so don't base my intelligence on my spelling and grammer skills) It's socailly exceptible to drink. I'm drinking right now. I dont' black out. I don't drive drunk. I rarely really get drunk, but it's coming to a point where I'm shaking in the mornings sometimes. And my heart feels like its pounding over nothing. I don't make the best decisions. I feel emotional all the time, and I say dumb things in public. I'm beginning to wonder if I really might be an alcoholic. I'm scared because meetings are what kept me sick for so long. They really were. I would go and people would talk about drugs or drinking or....I dunno anything. Sometimes it wasn't even about using....it was about their feelings. It was about things in their life that weren't great. Other times it was the people who just got up to brag about how long they had been clean! I wanted to use any chemical I could get my hands on after I listened to their soap box speeches! So what do I do? Do I risk the life I've made for myself and go back and see what happens? Do I tell someone that I'm concerned about my drinking habits that isn't in AA? Do I just ignore it and say, "I'm 25 so this will pass!"....? I don't have the answer. I feel l like I've always been the person to help everyone else around me. I don't get off on it- I just somehow attract the sick and suffering like a moth to a flame. And I always seem to know what to say...or what NOT to say... So why can't I help myself? How can I be so clueless about myself? I don't know.... Well if anyone else out there catches my drift; maybe I helped you... Maybe someone has an answer. I guess I just had to say it and I don't want to do it at a meeting. Good night...it's 5:00am and I can't believe i'm awake writing on this. This is unmanageability in itself.
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Re: Am I an alcoholic? No I seriously don't know...

Unread postby justmetoo » Thu Feb 03, 2011 6:29 pm

I have to ask myself do those without my allergy ask that same question?? I doubt it. If you have to ask I would say find a meeting make some new friends discover then work the steps and in no time you won't want a life without AA and the people you will meet. Life is like finishing concrete it has taken me 20 odd years of watching those with more experience you will find the same is necessary in life. It's in the book your answer I mean.
Good Luck
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Re: Am I an alcoholic? No I seriously don't know...

Unread postby gues » Sat Feb 05, 2011 11:35 am

Hi Justification Girl,

There are other options besides going back to meetings. Have you heard of Women for Sobriety? They don't do meetings but their literature is about validation and acceptance. And don't rule out a good therapist along with medication that can help you feel better about the decisions you need to make. It's really all about deciding it's time for a change and then doing something healthy about it. All the best. Just remember there is hope.

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Re: Am I an alcoholic?

Unread postby Guest » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:44 pm

This is what I found out about myself:
I am a spiritual creature here in my human body. The Al-Anon program helps me remember that and practice it. I am, feel and do much better when I am connected to my spiritual self.

Also I found out that each meeting has its own personality. Maybe a meeting with more young folks like yourself could help make it more relevant to you. I love you and care about you. Thank you for writing.
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Re: Am I an alcoholic? No I seriously don't know...

Unread postby stressedeng » Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:12 am

JG, I asked that very same question of myself, measured myself against friends, co-workers even my own children. They all drink, my oldest daughter is very successful at 27 in the world of finance and drinks very heavily for so called business reasons. I have used every excuse in the world. Truth be told, only you know for sure and if you are here than that speaks volumes. How to you feel when you drink? Do problems magnify themselves when you are under the influence? The next day do you regret the amount of drinking? I think I have actually been around the net twice trying to find a criteria. Doesn't exist. Hey, I am not as bad as so in so, guess I am OK. I wasn't. If you are afraid of it getting worse, it will get much worse. Stop now, our society embraces drinking. It's a poison that will ruin your life. Spend an hour as often as you can at a meeting, make some friends that don't judge and you will be surprised how quickly you will be embraced by people who fight every day to stay sober. I was sober for almost a year after rehab, it was a good feeling. Its a good feeling to have a clear mind. Just keep getting support even when you think you don't need it. When you open your heart at a meeting you will get love and support tenfold. Bye for now.
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Re: Am I an alcoholic? No I seriously don't know...

Unread postby robertoZ » Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:54 am

If you aren't now the odds are you will be. Addiction is a progressive disease, meaning it gets worse. I hear a lot in your post. I hear similar things at meetings. If you go to a few, you'll likely hear some of your story in others. Listen to them. Talk to them. Explore and move in the direction you wish, the direction that has you posting here in the first place. Good luck to you. Your life can truly be anything you want it to be.
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