Fiance refuses help!
Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 12:03 pm
Hi,
I am in a relationship with a 41 year old woman who have been an alcoholic all her life. We have been engaged since December 2010, but I fear that everything has been exposed since we moved in together in Nov 2010. She doesn't drink everyday, but it's a least once a week, on average. She has gone almost 2 months without a drink...as far as I know. But, their are some issues that lead to this...her childhood, was the worst I could image. What makes it worst, is that her mother maintains a relationship with the man who made the childhood terrible, from afar. He lives in NY, while she moved down here last year. As recently as Valentine's Day, my fiance found a letter in her mother's room from this man. She has two sisters who are both victims of this unreported crime, as well. But, everyone is in a victim mode...all the time. I cannot have a conversation with any of them because I am solution oriented. I am a retired soldier with two jobs and go to school full-time. I am also preparing for law school in fall of 2012. I don't drink and have never been around this kind of situation before. But, my activities seem to give opportunity for the drinking. I am afraid that I am losing my mind now...I try to talk, I try to help...but I lose it. I feel as I am talking to a child. I told her that I know that these situations are going to impact her life...I just don't expect them to control her. Now, I run at night because when she drinks and goes to sleep, she has nightmares that kick me out of bed. I feel as the negativity is controlling me now. She refuses help, even though she doesn't have custody of her child as well. Now, I find myself raising my voice, and if you have ever been around a yelling Army sergeant, that's not good. She does nothing to care for me, any situation...paying bills, flat tire...will bring on tears of anger as she yells at me that she doesn't feel safe. Any situation she doesn't feel safe. No, realizing that she doesn't have any coping skills, prioritization skills, and seems like is doesn't value our relationship...I'm ready to bounce. But, I know it's because of these issues. We are renting a house and I want to move out...but I know that will send her crashing again. So, I feel like I am controlled by these situations. She has a great government job...but that is a clever mask she wears at work, another for home. I'm just realizing the difference. Help!!!!!
I am in a relationship with a 41 year old woman who have been an alcoholic all her life. We have been engaged since December 2010, but I fear that everything has been exposed since we moved in together in Nov 2010. She doesn't drink everyday, but it's a least once a week, on average. She has gone almost 2 months without a drink...as far as I know. But, their are some issues that lead to this...her childhood, was the worst I could image. What makes it worst, is that her mother maintains a relationship with the man who made the childhood terrible, from afar. He lives in NY, while she moved down here last year. As recently as Valentine's Day, my fiance found a letter in her mother's room from this man. She has two sisters who are both victims of this unreported crime, as well. But, everyone is in a victim mode...all the time. I cannot have a conversation with any of them because I am solution oriented. I am a retired soldier with two jobs and go to school full-time. I am also preparing for law school in fall of 2012. I don't drink and have never been around this kind of situation before. But, my activities seem to give opportunity for the drinking. I am afraid that I am losing my mind now...I try to talk, I try to help...but I lose it. I feel as I am talking to a child. I told her that I know that these situations are going to impact her life...I just don't expect them to control her. Now, I run at night because when she drinks and goes to sleep, she has nightmares that kick me out of bed. I feel as the negativity is controlling me now. She refuses help, even though she doesn't have custody of her child as well. Now, I find myself raising my voice, and if you have ever been around a yelling Army sergeant, that's not good. She does nothing to care for me, any situation...paying bills, flat tire...will bring on tears of anger as she yells at me that she doesn't feel safe. Any situation she doesn't feel safe. No, realizing that she doesn't have any coping skills, prioritization skills, and seems like is doesn't value our relationship...I'm ready to bounce. But, I know it's because of these issues. We are renting a house and I want to move out...but I know that will send her crashing again. So, I feel like I am controlled by these situations. She has a great government job...but that is a clever mask she wears at work, another for home. I'm just realizing the difference. Help!!!!!