Denial for so long

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Denial for so long

Unread postby Nondrinker » Sun May 29, 2011 6:46 pm

I'm new to this board. Have been married for nearly 28 years, 2 sons & 1 grandson. I don't drink. My husband has always been a beer drinker. He has never been verbally or physically abusive. He only sometimes is stumbling drunk. I could always ignore the drinking because he would be outside doing yard work or hanging in the garage so I didn't have to see how much he was drinking. But now that we have sold our house & live in a smaller house with no garage, the kids are grown and out of the house. I can see the 12 pack a day he drinks and on his days off a case. I can't stand to talk to him when he has had a few, can't stand to be around him. I sit and think "is this how I want to spend the next 20 years of my life"? No! We are like room-mates living in the same house and I hate it. I feel terrible complaining since I know that so many of you live with abusive alcoholics. My kids have not one memory of him without a beer in his hand. About 4 years ago while he was drinking and doing yard work he fell off of the ladder and shattered his heel, that was the beginning of the end of our way of life. He has had surgery 2 times, got on pain pills and no longer has the high paying job he had. He is happy barely getting by. At the time of his injury I was going through continued sonograms and being told that I had to have my ovaries removed. When he got hurt it put off my surgery and not one time did he ask about it. I put my health on hold and never went back to deal with it. I hate my life and it makes me hate him. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I haven't told anyone how I feel.
Nondrinker
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Re: Denial for so long

Unread postby FarStar » Mon May 30, 2011 5:58 pm

I lived most of my life in denial and had no clue (I'm 51 years old). My world is saturatured with functional drinkers, men and women. I was the responsible one. The nice person, the helper, the designated driver, etc...I found AlAnon almost three years ago and my perspective on life changed quickly. One of the characteristics of the progression of this insidious disease is the emotionlessness. For me, I felt abandoned and disconnected. Sadly, if there are emotions from the problem drinkers, they may become extreme with mood swings, outbursts and rage. My loved ones go through these mood swings when they try to take a break from drinking. AlAnon has taught me to put the focus back on me. To take control of my own happiness. That we have choices. Also, we can't control it, we didn't cause it, and we can't cure it. And to simply go one day at a time. www.alanon-alateen.org
FarStar
 

Re: Denial for so long

Unread postby Traceylynne » Mon Dec 26, 2011 5:31 pm

I am also new to Alanon. I was a drinker when I met my boyfriend 12 years ago. I have since been clean for almost 4 years andhave gotten help, therapy, and am on meds for depression. It is ruined our relationship. I am dependent on his money. I receive SSI but have just gotten a job to start-haven't worked for ten years. I feel like if I can do it, so can he. Ultimately I did go to rehab to get better for myself, but ALSO for US, our relationship, I did not want to lose him. It has gotten so bad, all I hear is lies, I have no trust left for him and he says he doesn't love me anymore and it's basically all my fault. It is frustrating and I'm trying to learn now how to live with this until I can go back to Nursing School and be able to support myself. I am between feeling I can do it, although my self esteem is non=existent and being suicidal. I have no family to take me in or help at all. I feel like everyday is a struggle to stay alive. I am afraid this will never end. I've heard.."I will never drink again" after bad things happen, like getting my face bashed in a few years ago, then recently when I found him asking women to help him cross-dress- Of course he did it "while he was drunk" I can't take much more. I leave and come back. What's wrong with me? Please help. I'm going to so many other therapy grous, etc. to get my head straight, and now I'm guessing I need to add Al-Anon to these. I'm getting weary. I'm always hurt and depressed. Please give me any advice or if you can understand, please help me..Thanks.
Traceylynne
 


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