by DesperateMom3 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:49 am
Need an ear,
You and I have a very similar situation. My fiance and I met 5 years ago in a bar. I already had a son and when my son would go to his father's we would go out every weekend and drink. I didn't know anything about him really or his family history. As the months went on, I learned so many things...He had been in an accident in California and someone had died, but they couldn't determine who was driving. A month before we met, he fell asleep at a traffice light after leaving the bar. His father was an alcoholic( he died two years ago from his drinking; 63 years old), his grandmother on his mother's side was an alcoholic. After getting his DUI for falling asleep he violated his probabtion from the CA incident. I went out there with him for court and he had to get a bracelet put on that can determine any alcohol in the system. The courts required him to come back to California and he had to go to jail, until a spot opened up for him at a rehab. We weren't even together for a year at this point and I decided my love for this man was too strong and I was going to help him in a way that I could. I went and visited him in rehab and he looked great; healthy. He came home after 9 long months and was at it again. I made excuses for him ; such as he can only drink beer, he doesn't get nasty or blackout when he just drinks beer; but beer is never enough. We became pregnant and he was good for a while. After we had our son, I immeadiately became pregnant again with our daughter and it all went down hill from there. He caused a rift between his family and I. I ended up movcing home with my mom, because I couldn't stand the fighting and drinking. Due to the economy he had to move back home with his mom and we developed hatred for one another. I was pregnant raising and infant and a 7 year old all alone. He barely came to see us and when he did, he was nasty and almost always smelt like liquor. We finally got back together as a family under one roof and we decided it was finally time to get married. I didn't realize how bad his problem was until we started living together again. I found 12 empty whiskey bottles all tucked away in his trailer. For some reason he never throws his bottles out, he hides them. I have found 10 more since then and I'm not talking about the small ones. He continues ot hide them outside of our house, in tree trunks in between tires, pretty much anywhere he thinks I wouldn't look. The most recent bottle I found, he claims I rehid it just so I could start a fight. I love this man with all that I am, but I had to leave to take my kids out of that situation. He avoided going over his parents, because he didn't want to deal with his father that way. I don't understand why he would want that life for his kids? I wonder why we aren't good enough for him to stop. All of this termoil we've been through and I have always stuck by his side. The lying and denying it is getting worse. He refuses to attend and AA meeting or any type of counseling for that matter. He is accusing me of having a boyfriend, calling me every name in the book, doesn't ask to see our kids or even ask how they are, then the next day it's all heartfelt apologies and please come home. He never once apologizes for the drinking he will not say he drinks too much and it's very hard to deal with, especially when I know the truth. I hope my story helps you realize you're not alone. I completely understand the uncontrollable love you can have for someone. I realized I've done all I can do and our kids are what matter most. Hopefully one day he'll realize he needs help and I'll be here waiting to help him. I wish you the best of luck and you'll make the right decision.