Sad, frustrated and loosing confidence

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Sad, frustrated and loosing confidence

Unread postby Abbygirl » Sat Apr 05, 2014 8:01 pm

My husband has been a functioning alcoholic for at least ten years. We've been married for 25 years and have a 24 year old son. I thought of leaving my husband so many times but didn't because I was afraid of how angry he would be, then I think leaving him would leave him devastated. I earn a good living and was independent before our marriage. Now I feel trapped and isolated. I don't think he drinks while at work but puts away 1/5 of rum straight and on the rocks every two days. Sometimes he also drinks wine and/or vodka along with rum. On weeknights after work, he drinks from 6:00PM until he goes to bed around 8:30. On the weekend, he will start as early as 7:30AM and be in bed by 6:30PM. I have tried to keep up relationships with my family and friends but my visits with them are few and far between because my husband will pester me with phone calls asking when I'm coming home. A few months ago, he said the words out loud "I am an alcoholic". He didn't have a drink for two days, the on the third day, he told me he couldn't be without a drink anymore. He's not willing to admit he needs help to a doctor, his therapist or go to a rehab. He drinks alone and rarely socialize with others as a couple. I'm guessing this is because he doesn't want people to know about his drinking problem. He sometimes becomes ornery after he's been drinking for awhile. He tells me that I should be lucky he does it at home and doesn't stay out all night drinking or blow his paycheck at bars like some of his restaurant co-workers do. I don't think he will change. I need to get strong enough to leave him. It sounds like I need to go to ALNON meetings to get stronger but I'm afraid. Do I tell him where I'm going? He will get angry. He's not violent though but yells and stomps around/slams doors and throws things (cell phone, remote control, iPod). Once he cut up a book and a Penn State golf shirt I bought him because he was so angry that Penn State lost a football game. He was drinking and this is how he can get. Any advice other than go to the meetings? My son is mature, graduated from college a year ago, landed a good job and is moving out into his own apartment this month. He is tired of my husband's antics. My son is more mature than my husband. My son and I are very close and we have talked about the situation many times over the years. I'm afraid he will loose respect for me if I don't do anything about it. I'm afraid, so I don't do anything, but I did put my foot down and when my husband asked me to buy him rum this week, I said I will not. He knows that I think he is slowly killing himself. We've talked about it. Still, nothing changes :(
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Re: Sad, frustrated and loosing confidence

Unread postby 255regina » Sat Apr 12, 2014 6:19 am

Al anon teaches us to detach with Love. There is nothing you can do for your husband. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! Let go and let God :!: :!:

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