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What do I do?

Unread postPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:53 pm
by grrturtle
I am new to this site, and I am hoping to maybe get some answers to my questions and concerns..

I have been with my significant other for over a year. He is older then me but we went to school together. He was a jock and I was a nerdy girl who maybe has two close friends. He went through his high school career popular and almost got a scholarship to play football for a really good college.. but something happened his junior year and he decided not to pursue his football career. I feel like this is where all the problems started. He started drinking at a very young age because that's what everyone did. He's 28 years old now and still drinks like he is back in high school, he says he wants help some days and then others he says he doesn't have a problem. He says he loves me more then he loves alcohol but he doesn't know how to stop but I think it is more that he doesn't want to stop.. I don't know what to do, he says he needs me and I do love him when he's sober.. but drunk hes a mean and spiteful person. How can I get him to understand if he says he wants help he actually has to do something?

Re: What do I do?

Unread postPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:44 pm
by Guest
There isnt a single thing you can do until he is ready. It may come soon, or maybe not at all. My advice is do not enable him, only support him in recovery attempts. Good luck!

Re: What do I do?

Unread postPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:41 pm
by mdb418
Honey, I've been through this a million times with my daughters father for years. Ive had interventions,given random drug tests, begged, pleased.... Everything. Until he is ready On his own terms there is nothing you can do. my ex would say he was ready to change after being confronted and given ultimatums to please me and his family but he would quickly fall right back into old patterns. honestly,if his drinking continues to be the main problem in your relationship the best thing you can do is separate yourself from him sooner then later. It's going to hurt. He's going to be angry and probably say things he doesn't mean out of anger.... And then he'll probably beg for you back. But if you stay and accept HIS problem you become part of the problem by enabling his bad behavior. After 5 years of trying to come to terms with my exs addiction I finally realized there was a lot of damage it caused within me. It breaks you. Seek guidance and know that even if he does decide to sober up and follow a program things are going to hard. Best of luck to you.

Re: What do I do?

Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 22, 2015 1:45 pm
by jessiec
I am older than you but can relate so much to your situation. My RABF was very similar - great when sober and a jerk when not. It took me leaving him for good ... and then he sought treatment. I'm not sure where you are with the idea of a power. But God showed me in this that I had NO control over the situation and there was NOTHING I could do but get out of the way. While I begged BF not to drink, my being there and accepting it was enabling him -- he would still be drinking, I fully believe, if I hadn't walked away. We both turned to God. He is now three years sober, and I have a stronger faith relationship. We were able to come back together and be a couple. This is what I think when they say, if you love someone, set him free. You truly cannot help him and might be in the way of his recovery.