Trying not to question myself
Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 6:46 pm
I don't even know where to start on this because the story of my mother's alcoholism has been a long one that
started before she was born if you know what I mean. I'm a junior in college and I live about twenty minutes from home.
My younger sister lives at home with my mother and my nephew who is two years of age.
There are so many details but basically here is my dilema.
I KNOW that my mother is an alcoholic. I know because I've seen it...breathed it and have gone through it in raging rollercoasters of drama for years.
Talking to her, she is so full of lies (maybe not intentional) about what she's doing...how much she's "drinking" and her behavior that I am compelled to question my own interpretations.
What I mean is...she's my mom and I'm her kid...so ...
by default I still have this sense of Mother knows best and I find myself asking
"did i see her drinking a beer when I got to her house?'
"did she smell like beer or was it me?"
"am I crazy when I feel hurt by her tone of voice..am I just being sensitive...?"
I question my every being around her and I feel like it is her actions and lies that make me question myself.
I know that she is an alcoholic..how in the hell is she able to make me question it every time I interact with her?
started before she was born if you know what I mean. I'm a junior in college and I live about twenty minutes from home.
My younger sister lives at home with my mother and my nephew who is two years of age.
There are so many details but basically here is my dilema.
I KNOW that my mother is an alcoholic. I know because I've seen it...breathed it and have gone through it in raging rollercoasters of drama for years.
Talking to her, she is so full of lies (maybe not intentional) about what she's doing...how much she's "drinking" and her behavior that I am compelled to question my own interpretations.
What I mean is...she's my mom and I'm her kid...so ...
by default I still have this sense of Mother knows best and I find myself asking
"did i see her drinking a beer when I got to her house?'
"did she smell like beer or was it me?"
"am I crazy when I feel hurt by her tone of voice..am I just being sensitive...?"
I question my every being around her and I feel like it is her actions and lies that make me question myself.
I know that she is an alcoholic..how in the hell is she able to make me question it every time I interact with her?