Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -
Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:45 am
Hi. I'm really stressed and don't know what to do and was hoping someone could give me some advice... My boyfriend is an alcoholic.
Sometimes he admits it and says he needs help but when it comes down
to it won't take help or help himself. Other times he denies it and
blames everyone and everything for his drinking which he says there's
nothing wrong with drinking and getting drunk every night. Often
justifying it since he's sober on the two nights a week when he has to
go to work early. Anyway I've just about given up... I can't kiss him
anymore because he always smells like alcohol... can't sleep in the
same bed because I can't stand the smell on his breath and there's no
telling when he'll pee the bed. He often takes off walking and/or
driving drunk. Not even to get more alcohol... Just to leave...
Leaving me alone constantly with our 5 week old baby girl. He promised
through my whole pregnancy he'd quit. Then it was "I'll quit when you
have the baby" all broken promises and lies. He even gets so
drunk he'll call those datelines... I don't know if he's ever
cheated... One thing though... He'll often get in my face to kiss and
talk to our newborn and when I tell him to get out of our face he says
our daughter doesn't care that he smells like beer and she doesn't
know he's drunk... He won't be like his dad (he already is) he'll quit
drinking when she's old enough to know. I don't know what else to do.
He says he drinks. 3 24 oz a night. I know that's a lie... He can't
possibly get as drunk as he does off that. Several nights I've heard
the 5th or 6th can open but he will lie to my face. He'll stay up till
5 or 6 am drinking... Then sleeps all day... Goes to work the next
morning from 3am to 1030 comes home... Sleeps all day... Wakes up...
Drinks and the cycle repeats. I get no help with this baby... I'm
practically a single mom... The money he brings in covers hardly
anything... I pay the bills... It's more or less like getting child
support from him. He likes to bring up my marriage with my ex
constantly... saying things like "now I know why he left you" (I left
him... He knows nothing about my marriage... Just gossip from others)
or he'll try to say "at least I don't take pills like he did" things
along those lines when he doesn't even know my ex or anything about
him... Which that's probably irrelevant and the least of problems.
I've kicked him out and broke up with him... Only for him to refuse to
leave and then beg for forgiveness. He's on the lease so legally
there's nothing I can do. I have no where else to go... And like last night he takes off in the car at 3am to get cigarettes... Normally he'll be gone till about 6... Oddly enough he comes right back... At 5am he is sitting out in the car he calls my cell phone and says "You want me to come in I'll be in in a minute baby... Will you come help me in so I can go to bed... Help me to bed" I tell him I cant I've got the baby on my arm... I tell him I cant continue living like this... staying up till 6 am worryin about him till he goes to bed and I know hes ok and its safe for me to go to bed... Ive got a baby to worry about so he gets pissed threatens to take off and I hear him start the car up... I tell him I dont care anymore and hang up... He shuts the car off... He also threatened to pass out in the rain... If hes "too drunk" to get himself to bed then hows he not too drunk to take off? He says he is too drunk to drive... Hopes he wrecks it would be my fault... Or itd be my fault if he gets a DWI. After going to bed and waking up at 730 to feed the baby I go outside and hes asleep in the car I wake him and he asks why I let him pass out in the car...All of this is a typical night for us. Today everything will be ok hell go to work tonight and get off... Then be drunk again tomorrow treating me like crap. Were also starting to fight more during the day because I can say what I need while he's sober and the anger and frustrations from the previous night build over into the next day... Is the pathological lying (I didnt even get into
that... He lies about any and everything... Hes told me his friend was a cop.. I later learned he doesnt even have a job... Hes called me freaking out drunk and told me he got bit by a dog and needed to go to tbe ER... Could I come get him... He knew I didnt have a car butthat was a lie anyway... Hes said hes drove his car off a cliff and couldnt breathe was lying there bleeding... Obviously a lie... And theres so much more) anyway... Is the lying and attention seeking a part of the alcoholism or is it all some kind of mental problem he has? But he won't get help either way! It really angers me for him to act as if it doesnt matter now because shes only a newborn... Sorry this was so long but I really needed to get it out... I really dont know what to do anymore and need some advice...
Sometimes he admits it and says he needs help but when it comes down
to it won't take help or help himself. Other times he denies it and
blames everyone and everything for his drinking which he says there's
nothing wrong with drinking and getting drunk every night. Often
justifying it since he's sober on the two nights a week when he has to
go to work early. Anyway I've just about given up... I can't kiss him
anymore because he always smells like alcohol... can't sleep in the
same bed because I can't stand the smell on his breath and there's no
telling when he'll pee the bed. He often takes off walking and/or
driving drunk. Not even to get more alcohol... Just to leave...
Leaving me alone constantly with our 5 week old baby girl. He promised
through my whole pregnancy he'd quit. Then it was "I'll quit when you
have the baby" all broken promises and lies. He even gets so
drunk he'll call those datelines... I don't know if he's ever
cheated... One thing though... He'll often get in my face to kiss and
talk to our newborn and when I tell him to get out of our face he says
our daughter doesn't care that he smells like beer and she doesn't
know he's drunk... He won't be like his dad (he already is) he'll quit
drinking when she's old enough to know. I don't know what else to do.
He says he drinks. 3 24 oz a night. I know that's a lie... He can't
possibly get as drunk as he does off that. Several nights I've heard
the 5th or 6th can open but he will lie to my face. He'll stay up till
5 or 6 am drinking... Then sleeps all day... Goes to work the next
morning from 3am to 1030 comes home... Sleeps all day... Wakes up...
Drinks and the cycle repeats. I get no help with this baby... I'm
practically a single mom... The money he brings in covers hardly
anything... I pay the bills... It's more or less like getting child
support from him. He likes to bring up my marriage with my ex
constantly... saying things like "now I know why he left you" (I left
him... He knows nothing about my marriage... Just gossip from others)
or he'll try to say "at least I don't take pills like he did" things
along those lines when he doesn't even know my ex or anything about
him... Which that's probably irrelevant and the least of problems.
I've kicked him out and broke up with him... Only for him to refuse to
leave and then beg for forgiveness. He's on the lease so legally
there's nothing I can do. I have no where else to go... And like last night he takes off in the car at 3am to get cigarettes... Normally he'll be gone till about 6... Oddly enough he comes right back... At 5am he is sitting out in the car he calls my cell phone and says "You want me to come in I'll be in in a minute baby... Will you come help me in so I can go to bed... Help me to bed" I tell him I cant I've got the baby on my arm... I tell him I cant continue living like this... staying up till 6 am worryin about him till he goes to bed and I know hes ok and its safe for me to go to bed... Ive got a baby to worry about so he gets pissed threatens to take off and I hear him start the car up... I tell him I dont care anymore and hang up... He shuts the car off... He also threatened to pass out in the rain... If hes "too drunk" to get himself to bed then hows he not too drunk to take off? He says he is too drunk to drive... Hopes he wrecks it would be my fault... Or itd be my fault if he gets a DWI. After going to bed and waking up at 730 to feed the baby I go outside and hes asleep in the car I wake him and he asks why I let him pass out in the car...All of this is a typical night for us. Today everything will be ok hell go to work tonight and get off... Then be drunk again tomorrow treating me like crap. Were also starting to fight more during the day because I can say what I need while he's sober and the anger and frustrations from the previous night build over into the next day... Is the pathological lying (I didnt even get into
that... He lies about any and everything... Hes told me his friend was a cop.. I later learned he doesnt even have a job... Hes called me freaking out drunk and told me he got bit by a dog and needed to go to tbe ER... Could I come get him... He knew I didnt have a car butthat was a lie anyway... Hes said hes drove his car off a cliff and couldnt breathe was lying there bleeding... Obviously a lie... And theres so much more) anyway... Is the lying and attention seeking a part of the alcoholism or is it all some kind of mental problem he has? But he won't get help either way! It really angers me for him to act as if it doesnt matter now because shes only a newborn... Sorry this was so long but I really needed to get it out... I really dont know what to do anymore and need some advice...