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fight of my life

Unread postPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 4:12 pm
by survivor12
Hey peeps I have been mostly clean for the last 16 yrs, Lately things have been rough at home. I was just diagnosed with
cancer and and am going through a lot lately. Sometimes I feel completely helpless I of course ask god to help me but his answers are not always instant. Today I was having a breakdown due to spouse issued and I was driving around town crying . I work in the city and I thought to my self as the meds my doc prescribed for me were not helping my stress. I feel like stopping somewhere and picking up. Of course my voice of reason kicked in that I am trying to prolong my life why shoot your self in the foot? I feel that everything in my life is out of my control I am so depressed.

This is really scary as when I was first diagnosed I had a dream that I was alone in my childhood home and I was feeling so alone that I let in the stranger that could have been one of my buddies 20 yrs ago. But I was so desperate I welcomed him in even though he definitely meant harm. He enslaved me in my own home. Just as addiction enslaves any of us who fall victim to it. It was surreal and I never forgot the loneliness much like the kind I have now. Eventually I rose above it. I took it as a sign that I will rise above but to be careful not to let that guy back in . Pray for me all, I will for you too.