I hate myself . everything about myself

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I hate myself . everything about myself

Unread postby tpelegrinis » Thu Jun 02, 2016 9:40 pm

Hello my name is Tricia , I have been battling with a drug addiction for about 4 years now , during those four years I would go months and be sober but then fall back in to my many depressions and continue to use and just destroy my sobriety in an instant. I am diagnosed with Depression. Bi polar, Anxiety and spit personality disorder and like I said before I'm a drug addict addicted to pills. I have this amazing family , My husband who has stuck by me when he really should have ran after the amount of shit I did to him. I have twin boys that are the lite of my life they are three and happy and healthy . I have all that and I still use drugs, some times I say to my how selfish am I , I got it all and I choose drugs , I'm ashamed of who I am and sometimes I sit down and think that maybe me dying would be the best thing bc I'm a waste of space and worth shit anyway. :(
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tpelegrinis
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Location: Mother of the most amazing twin boys

Re: I hate myself . everything about myself

Unread postby DrSheilaHereNow » Sat Aug 27, 2016 10:09 am

Hi Tricia: On behalf of all those people who love you, I am glad you didn't choose suicide. Just for that reason alone, you are not selfish. Those little boys would be devastated for the rest of their life. Imagine their guilt? They would assume it had something to do with them that you didn't want to live anymore.

You mention several health issues. Have you been evaluated by a competent psychiatrist and put on proper medication for the depression? the anxiety? the bi-polar. These are serious and should be monitored constantly.

As for pills. What do they do for you? What is the payoff for taking them? And, how do they affect you?

Clearly you have been successful getting off them. What triggers your reaching for them?

Relapse does not just happen. If you take enough steps backward, it is inevitable. For example: you stop going to meetings; you stop praying; you stop asking your Higher Power to remove the desire to take pills; you don't bother to eat; you get too hungry, angry, lonely or tied. As you whittle away at your support system, taking that first pill becomes inevitable as you start to feel awful.

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