lost and lonely dealing with my demons

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lost and lonely dealing with my demons

Unread postby lostpurplebear » Tue Jun 14, 2016 11:55 am

I am trying to deal with my demons, my addictions, righting the wrong i have done. I honestly have never felt so lonely or lost in my entire life. I had an affair, hurting the love of my life, my true soul mate. Most people dont get the chance at this and i managed to screw it up. I have lost my daughter, my mother barely speaks with me and i'm dealing with court issues as well. To make a long story short - i reconnected with an old friend from my hometown and we dated long distance nearly 2 years, 1200 miles apart. Early march of this year, he completely moved to be with me. Months earlier i had met someone and was having an affair, how stupid could i be. The distance was killing me, and i never meant the affair to go as far as it did. nor did i expect my love to move 1200 miles. everything got out of control. my best friend, who knew everything ended up playing all sides - including my lover, my true love and me. the person i had an affair with ended up contacting my boyfriend - which put me in a whirlwind, drowning myself in quite the cocktail of substances and booze. to make a long story short - i drove hours into somewhere i had never been, was arrested for dui and facing charges of the countermath of being completely blacked out and not remembering anything that happened. I was locked up for 5 weeks, first time i had been locked up ever and after letter after letter, and speaking with my boyfriend (presently fiance) he agreed to have me come live with him where he had been relocated for his job. so now here i am, have cut all my friends out - all of which completely turned their back on me in my darkest hour, which hurts quite a bit. i have always been that person whos there for people, an ear to listen, will help anyway i can especially in their darkest hour. who's here for me? absolutely nobody. a month has gone by and my boyfriend and i are going through the healing process, hes nasty to me, unsupportive, reminds me everyday of my addictions. For the first time in my life i ADMIT i am an addict, i am taking responsibility for my actions and dealing with everything the best possible way i can. i'm job searching and did get a job at a deli, so that will keep me busy - i dont know anyone and i'm trying to stay positive. sometimes it is so difficult though. i screwed up epically, and will spend forever keeping myself clean and doing what i need to be doing......i'm just so frustrated right now and hurting because of all the hurt i caused everyone, especially my boyfriend, daughter and mother. i hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive me....why did i have to be an addict. its always been an escape, from dealing with any of my real issues. i'm just looking for others who have dealt with this....i'm all alone, i'm so sorry for everything i have done
lostpurplebear
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Re: lost and lonely dealing with my demons

Unread postby DrSheilaHereNow » Tue Aug 30, 2016 11:32 am

Well, you certainly found the Perfect Storm to keep you away from feeling too much. If you are staying clean, looks like you hit bottom. So....Run, do not walk, to AA/ NA/ and ask your boyfriend to go to Al/Anon. You will find people there who not only understand what you are dealing with but many have had the same issues.

Be very cautious about "healing" with someone who is nasty to you. Doesn't sound like he is healing at all!

Not going to write too much because few, who ask for input, actually respond. If you want to chat further, get in touch.

Sheila
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