going out of my mind

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going out of my mind

Unread postby mamadeetz » Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:43 pm

hello all im new here to the message board today im having the day from hell. and i mean hell. i have a roomate / lover kinda for now 19 yrs and im getting mentally verbally abused to death today by her. I can;t seem to be doing nothing right not even breathing. she says to me why am i breathing so hard i said to live what the hell. im just trying to breath for god sake. I have been a addict since i was 9 yrs old im 40 now. Im working real hard right now not to use and to make a meeting everyday. Im also a rape survivor and have a 6 yr old daughter from the rape which im dealing with. My roomate is killing me with words and abuse . shes saying things to me thats pushing me over the edge i just camt take no more. i have been going through this for a long time now but today is very bad. she keeps saying go in patient i cant im a single mother . 2 i just dont want to. thats that. i don t feel i need to go inpatient shes just trying to get my daughter offf me. she keeps saying that she will take her away from me and ill lose my home which i wont. but she keeps saying im a no good mother and everything along those lines. im sure you can imagine. I dont use in front of my daughter but she does know momma has a probl;em from my roomate saying shit to me. i tell my 6 yr old momma needs meetings to get better and thats all she needs to know right now. My roomate is bringing her 84 yr old mother to MY apt to stay for a few weeks which her and i do not get along at all so im in for it. I told my roomate she needs to get her mother a hotel room for as long as shes in pa she cant stay here. i wont beable to handel it. im barely hanging on now and having her mouth to add whatever will push me over. i just cant do it for sanity reasons. Im going out of my mind right now. I dont even know if im making sense right now but im doing my best. ya know i really want this so bad and my roomate is destroying all the power im putting into staying clean right now. I have a friend who is going with me to meetings and we are making them every night but now my roomate says something is going on between us. yeeah we both want to get clean and sober. i havent drank in 7 1/2 yrs its the crack right now im working on. my friend does her shit im not sure what exatually but thats her shit to handel im handeling mine we go together because we are supporting each other through this hell im living. im on the phone and my roomate has a problem i go to my friends my roomate has a probl;em i do anything my roomate has a problem she consintly has something to say. the abuse is so much right now. i really need a meeting tonight my friend is working on a ride for us cause my roomate says i dont need one. i got a ride from my friend her brother is going to take us he has been in the program for 30 something yrs. so thats settled. but the abuse is unbearable right now shes bitching im on the computer so im going to go. thanks for listening. deetz
mamadeetz
 

Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby Guest » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:43 am

alright, what I'm gonna say is obvious, but I have to say it: She's not good for you, and you should find another roommate!!! Why do you take the abuse? There's a limit to everything. And using your daughter to threaten you is wrong. I'm not judging you (believe me, we are all in crazy situations that probably make other people cringe), but she's killing you here, one day at a time. How much can you take?
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Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby mamadeetz » Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:41 pm

hi thanks for the reply. what im trying to do is just stay clean forr me first and formost and then for my daughter but i cant take the abuse. i have been abused all my life and things need to change. yes im afraid of change all addicts are especially when its for the good. ya know. but her and i have been roomates for 19 yrs now its just change im afraid i got use to abuse hell i abused myself for many yrs its the way of life for me. but as i said change is what needs to happen. i dont want to see her on the stgreet so i gave her a mopnth to move i think thats pretty fair. also she asked if she could still see my daughter since she has been aaround since i was pragant actually for the last 19 yrs so my daughter never knew life without her. its going to be real hard for my daughter shes very close to her shes like another parent to her but i need to live my life and no be baggered. i understabd that, i appriciate all yuor comments thanks alot for you time and i hold my time preciously cause it can be taken away with just one hit. thanks deetz
mamadeetz
 

Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby Guest » Sat Jul 26, 2008 6:28 am

It will be easier for you to stay clean and take care of your daughter without her around. I know it sucks, but some people are so "toxic" that letting go of them is the best thing to do for your own sake. Stay in touch.
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Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby sober 15 years » Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:55 pm

What I am going to say to you as well may make you want a meeting which isn't a bad thing. 'Oh pity me pity me everyone picks on me and makes me want to use ' no one makes YOU want to use. YOU make You want to use.I agree with the roommate you need inpatient. You can't take care of your daughter when you can't even take care of yourself.Find a place for women with children.Your child will need counseling as well from all of this.Leave where you are it isn't a safe enviroment for either of you! this is from experience!
sober 15 years
 

Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby Guest » Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:54 am

hey sober 15 years, read her post again because you didn't get it. she's just saying that it's tough to work on staying sober, take care of a child, and take abuse from her roommate. She needs to vent and she's using this message board to do it. isn't it what people do during AA meetings? You never did it? You never said 'Oh pity me because so and so is to blame if I use'? Have some more compassion for your fellow addicts. There are ways of saying things, yours are not the good ones.
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Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby mamadeetz1@yahoo.com » Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:18 am

I would like to thankyou for sticking up for me. I appriciate your comment I dont want pity i was VENTING cause i couldnt get to a meeting cause i dont take my daughter there. and no i didnt take her to cop drugs either. But, what i was doing was vernting isnt that what this message board is for. I guess im wrong., but i welcome all comments. I have been clean i havent used and i dont need pity we all know how to use t hat but i dont i want to be clean and sober for my daughter as i said i was vernting. I dint know where to tuen . Sorry ifmy messege bothered you. i want to thank the yougn woman who stuck up for me. I appriciate that i dont like being attacked when i vent;/ Thanks for the comments dee
mamadeetz1@yahoo.com
 

Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby tpelegrinis » Thu Jun 02, 2016 9:26 pm

Hello my name Is Tricia and I agree she is no good for you its like she picks at you and makes you want to use so don't have to hear the abuse .
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Re: going out of my mind

Unread postby lostpurplebear » Tue Jun 14, 2016 11:59 am

removing toxic people out of your life is the hardest thing you can do. I'm dealing with the same issues myself, feeling so alone and nearly everyone bails in your darkest hour. positive reinforcement is better than the negativity. Congrats on staying sober, i know that cannot be easy......keep your head up :)
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