pleeeeeease

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pleeeeeease

Unread postby cosmogirl » Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:28 pm

im really confused..........im 16 turning 17 next month and none of my friends feel the way i do.....i smoked weed for 3 years and took all sorts of painkillers almost everyday and that started before i ever smoked pot......ive been doing that since i was about 12 and a little before that but it didnt start becoming a habit til i was about 12 or 13...and about 2 months ago i tried doing meth and did it for 2 days during the weekend and did it again for 2 days the next weekend..and a month after that i took 3 ecstasy pills the same nite and it was the only time i actually felt anything from it cause id always taken half a pill before that cause i was scared of what it would do to me once it kicked in. and about 4 months ago i forced myself to quit doing cocaine which was a bad addiction off and on for maybe a year..........but after i tried speed and ecstasy ive just been occasionally smoking weed maybe once a week but every since i did meth and ecstasy ive been feeling so weird. i never had any problems like this when i was high on weed or after a come down. id usually pass out when i was coming down and wake up feeling brand new. now i wake up feeling like im in a dream everything looks cloudy and blurry and im always dozing off into space and staring at things i feel like im disconnected from reality. its really hard for me to explain it.........basicly im just out of it all the time...and sometimes i snap out of it and i feel normal. i noticed that it happens more often and feels worse when im away from home or somewhere i dont feel as comfortable. im still having cravings........for coke mostly but meth too...i guess it really is as strong as people say it is cause even though i only did it a few times its all i think about........and cheaper than coke so that doesnt really help me to stay away from it. i want this all to just end and i wish i never did anything........i dont know anyone else my age who is as heavy of drinker and as bad of a drug fiend as me. im tired of feeling WEIRD......and having to smoke weed so ill be on high on SOMETHING which is better than nothing..and atleast if i smoke weed and feel weird im cool with it cause i know its cause im high but when the high comes down i feel like crap again cause i start feeling weird! and the weirdness that i feel is terrible it makes it hard for me to function.........im in beauty college.......i love doing hair and its my inspiration to stay away from hard drugs and alcohol........but its hard for me to do anything when im always off in another planet. i feel like im permanatly brain damaged......my emotions are different too...i used to not be shy..i was so outgoing and happy and loved life.............plus on top of it all i had a bad loss...a friend of mine passed away and its almost the one year anniversary of his death and it haunts me in my dreams.....and i didnt have the best childhood......so its all piling ontop of each other and when i did weed and coke i was fine i swear it was after i did speed and quit then tried E i changed..........a friend of mine did heroin for a few years and she said she understands how i feel cause it took her 2 years to get her head cleared and snap back into reality cause she alays felt out of it too. im always craving pills.........theres a list of them that i take. and i dont always abuse them sometimes i take the regular dosage and other times i just sit there and keep popping them until im satisfied..
but im never satisfied............from any of it............. drugs used to be fun and now i feel like they ruined my life. is there any hope for me? if anyone can answer my questions or has any information please let me know......im desperate for help and i have no one to talk to
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Re: pleeeeeease

Unread postby Guest MF » Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:59 pm

Hello,
You are not alone. I have done everything you mentioned above and I too had that blurry feeling. I personally think it was the E. I noticed that my speech started to become slurred when I was sober and I could not speak what I was thinking. The best advice I can give you is to stop it all and find new friends. In my situation I could not turn down a line or a pill if it was around. I needed to find new sober friends. That and truly making the decision to quit is what helped me. I've been completley clean for over 5 years and have a great job. Things can change, but you have to make them happen. You could also go to an NA meeting. I know that my school had one once a week and everything was confidential. Good luck and I would be willng to talk more if you want. I also experienced alcoholic parents and my boyfriend who was a crack addict commited suicide so I understand all that you said. I wish you the best. Mandy
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Re: pleeeeeease

Unread postby cosmogirl » Tue Aug 26, 2008 3:40 am

to guest mf:
thats
exactly what happened to me..my boyfriend commited suicide..that was the friend i was talking i just didnt want to say who. i felt like that a little after doing speed a little bit but when it really hit me.....was after i took the 3 E pills in one nite...all the other times i only took half a pill. and one of them that i did that nite i snorted so i dont know if that made things worse..its weird though i have friends who do it all the time and theyre fine. some arent tho. im just wondering if my brain is permanatly damaged........thats my fear now..cause i hate feeling like this. no joke the way i felt the next day after doing three tripple stacked ecstasy pills was the worst i felt SO retarded..slurred speach and all that like what you explained. i thought it was just cause maybe i was still coming down or had some in my system and i would be good in a few days..but it NEVER went away. i come in and out of it...its just weird. im not in highschool anymore but im in a beauty college..im just scared the wrong people will find out and ill get kicked out or something cause theyre really strict like that...or my parents will kick me out of the house. im just STUCK in a shitty situation and i regret everything. after doing it id tell anyone who wants to try it to NOT DO IT. one nite of fun sure as hell was not worth all the bs im having now. then theres the coke...the weed...the pills....the alcohol... i was fine with all those then came speed and E and i feel like a retard now.
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Re: pleeeeeease

Unread postby cosmogirl » Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:09 am

all that information i already gave out didnt even scratch the surface...................... cause ontop of all that.........then theres the alcohol.......................................
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