LOSING HOPE
Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:05 am
i GUESS THIS IS FOR WHO EVER WILL LSITEN OR READ THIS. iM 23 YRS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN USING DRUGS SINCE I WAS ABOUT 13 AND DRINKING SINCE I WAS 12 I GREW UP IN A VERY UNSTABLE CHILDHOOD WITH PARENTS WHO DID TERRIABLE THINGS TO ME. JUST RECENTLY IN THE PAST TWO YR MY DRUG USE HAS GOTTEN BEYOND WORSE. USING 4-6 DAYS A WEEK STILL MAINTAIN A JOB. BECAUSE I AM INVOLVED IN NIGHT LIFE. WHILE USING I SAW A DR WHO SAID I WAS BI POLAR AND HAVE RUN OUT OF MEDICATION FOR SOMETIME I GO BACK TO DR 2 MORO FIRST TIME IN A YR. I PUSHED AWAY EVERYONE WHO CARED ABOUT ME MY GIRLFRIEND WHO I AM IN LOVE WITH IS NOT IN LOVE WITH ME ANY MORE JUST TOLD ME YESTERDAY BECAUSE OF THE WAY I AM THE DRUGS DRINKING PARTYIN G FIGHTING ... I GET EXTREMELY VIOLENT WHEN ITS DOESNT GO MY WAY I JUST REALLY NEED A FRIEND I WANNA DIE BUT I WANNA PROVE TO MYSELF N HER I CAN DO IT RIGHT NOW IM ONLY GETTING BY BY HOPEING SHE'LL GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE EVEN THOUGH SHE SASID SHE WOULDNT I USE EVERYTHING FROM WEED TO COCIANE TO SPECIAL K I JUST RECENTKY TRIED HERION. I PRETTY MUCH WILL DO WHAT EVER I CAN WHENEVER ITS NEAR, ONCE I DRINK I USUALLY NEED COKE. WITHOUT IT IM A MONSTER I FEEL LIKE I WONT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION WITHOUT IT ESP IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. PPL ARE AFRIAD ILL OD N DIE BUT I NEVER HAVE, IM AFRAID TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND WISH I WOULD OD RIGHT NOW I DONT HAVE ANYTHING ONE ME. JUST A LITTLE BIT OF K AND SOME WEED THE REST I LOOST WHILE OUT PARTYING. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHERE TO START OR WHERE TO BEGIN.