I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

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I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby phillies4evr » Tue Oct 12, 2010 1:21 pm

Hi all! My son, who is 20 years old, has been smoking pot at least five nights a week if not more. I don't know if he is doing any other kinds of drugs. I find little plastic bags in his room but they are empty. He probably thinks I'm stupid but I know what he's doing. He is ruining his life! He claims that he has social anxiety disorder but he is also mad at me for things that have happened in the past, especially illnesses that I've had. My son is in community college and has been going for major to major, not knowing where his life is taking him.

He was once a very bright happy individual. Now, I don't know where that person is. Sometimes he is so moody I can't even talk to him. I am most afraid that underneath the drugs he is suffering from manic depressive disorder. It runs in our family; I am bipolar and so was my dad. First, we need to address the drug issue and we don't even know where to start. I am the tough one in the family; my husband fails to see what is happening to our once happy child. I am scared that I am going to lose my little boy if I don't get him help soon.

Can someone out there please tell me where to turn or what to do. My son won't seek counseling. It was suggested to me that i take him to an NA meeting. The problem is I don't know how to get him there. He refuses to believe he has a problem. I need help desperately from anybody out there who really cares. Please leave me a post on here if you care enough to help me and my son. This could be a matter of life or death!
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Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby Martina123 » Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:00 pm

Dear Mom (in my shoes),

I have been right where you are… I am sure you are feeling hopeless, alone and scared out of your mind.

My son, now 19 has been using marijuana since he was 16. I didn’t know, or at least my blind eye didn’t know. I didn’t want to believe that my first born would ever do such a thing. I brought him up in a drug free home, no alcohol… I never found any use in it… couldn’t even begin to understand his addiction. Found many of those little bags in the washer, dryer, floor in his room, bathroom, etc.

There are only two things that I can tell you… with hopes that it will help. It may not be what you want to hear and please understand it comes from a mom that loves her son very much…

First and foremost, if you feel your son has an addiction problem, he MUST be willing to admit it him himself… no matter what YOU do HE will not get well on your coaxing, begging, threatening or guilt playing. Believe me I have tried all these tactics… I have had my son in therapy, rehab and recovery houses… nothing worked… UNTIL HE is willing to make a decision and follow it up with a course of action, your efforts will not HELP him, but only enable him. Enable him to manipulate you by staying clean when you “mean” business but only to go out and start all over again as soon as the “time” is right.

If your son is an addict, for your sake, your sanity and for your own understanding, you need to learn about his “disease”. Please understand that this is not a “condition” that can just go away… a true addict/alcoholic cannot control his addiction, no matter how hard he tries. If he gets “sober” but does not work the program of AA/NA he is destined to use again because although he is “sober” he still is left with the issue of himself… which causes a “sober” alcoholic/addict to become restless, irritable and discontent.

I can suggest to you is to find a “Big Book” study in your area or an Al-Anon meeting that is 12 Step orientated. It is very IMPORTANT that you get a handle on you, your emotions and understand that you cannot control your son or any addict for that matter.

I have detached from my son in a way that I am still part of his life, love him more than my own and will always be there for him. He understands that I do not agree with his decision to continue drinking and drug use and that I know I can’t control it. However, I can control him not doing it around me, using my money and shelter to do it and drive my car to get it. I have set boundaries and he has chosen not to live with me. I am okay today because I worked the 12 step program, have a clearer understanding of myself and my son’s addiction and know that all I can do is love him. It is out of my control… and I am sorry to say it is out of yours… however, you can get a handle on your life and how it has impacted you.

You are in my prayers...
Martina123
 

Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby phillies4evr » Thu Oct 14, 2010 7:16 pm

thank you for your words of encouragement. From what you are saying, I guess the only way for me to deal with it is to realize that he doesn't recognize his problem and that without that, it is out of my control. Also from what you told me, he has to admit he has a problem or nothing will get accomplished. I just hope with time either he will outgrow this and the friends he hangs with and realize that he needs to straighten out his life. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me your advice. It means the world to me!
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Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby theresetiger » Mon Nov 01, 2010 8:19 pm

So sorry for your pain. Please go to as many al anon meetings as you can. Take care of yourself, that is what you can control.
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Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby beachgirl 96 » Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:41 pm

I too an the mother of a 20 year drug old addict. Our stress is at an all time high as is our pain. We hurt and know that he will not help himself because he will not accept the help that has been offered to him. He has been in in patient rehabs, sober houses, out patient group ,individual therapy and jail. He lies and steals, yells, threatens, terrorizes and destroys our beautiful home. We are at our wits end. Our situations are similar. Although we love our children it is a difficult time. I pray that we can stay strong. Take care of yourself.
beachgirl 96
 

Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby LenMako » Wed Nov 10, 2010 3:16 pm

There are three answers to this issue:

1. Alanon
2. Alanon
3. Alanon

Good Luck
LenMako
 

Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby cjh » Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:06 pm

I agree Alanon is a good idea for you. You do have control over one other variable and that is he is using while living in your home. Set firm boundaries.
cjh
 

Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby johnny » Sat Nov 20, 2010 1:44 am

The problem you have is this ...

1) There have been no recorded overdoses of marijuana

2) Look at his teeth, and make him look at his teeth. Are they ugly ?? Impress upon him that good teeth are worth a lot.
If his teeth are pointed, he has been smoking crystal meth, and needs serious help. If his teeth are only yellow, there is help.

3) Is he in a rock band and making money ? If so, maybe he has some sort of career. Impress this on the young man. If he cannot make it in a rock
band, then he should stop smoking pot, because it is a waste of time and money, and will just piss people off.

4) Talk to him every day, and use hip language. "Hey dude, what's pissin' you off today ?" Some motherfucker insult you ? Things like that.
You are his fundamental basic contact. Spend some time with him every day. It will soon pay off.

5) "Life is not all beer and skittles, you know." Teach him this : "You're sober, drive somewhere for the weekend and leave the car. Go have a campfire and
drink all the beer and sleep it off. Drive home the next day." Saves a lot of problems that way.

6) Time passes, 'tis true. But if he can't kick it, he should smoke only on VERY SPECIAL occasions where motor vehicles are NOT involved. Impress upon him
that sooner or later he will run into the violence that is inherent in the drug world. It is very unpleasant, let me tell you.

LV
Johnny
johnny
 

Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby GB06 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 9:55 am

no rehabs for marijuana only meetings which he would have to go to by choice
GB06
 

Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby coatesvilleangel2 » Wed Nov 26, 2014 8:46 pm

as a former drug user, what has helped me the most is knowing I have someone who isn't judgemental I can turn to. I'm not saying ignore the pot... but focus on the other issues. ask him how you canhelp him decide on a major, ect. above all else he is still your son and needs your love. if depression is legitimately an issue, you stand more to lose by withdrawing from him.
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Re: I am a mom of a 20-year-old drug addict

Unread postby dwhib » Fri Mar 04, 2016 6:00 am

I TOO AM THE DAD OF A 20 YEAR OLD HEROIN ADDICTED SON, AND I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I KNOW TO DO.. HE'S BEEN IN AND OUT OF JAIL; STOLEN EVERYTHING THAT WAS NOT NAILED DOWN; EVEN RIFFLED CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR CASH..

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT... YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT... THE HARDEST THING IS TO STOP ENABLING YOUR CHILD BY GIVING THEM $... if THE CHILD IS ON PROBATION/PAROLE, CALL THE OFFICE AND TURN THEM IN... FIRST COUPLE TIMES THEY MAY IGNORE YOU, BUT EVENTUALLY YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT ONLY LISTEN, BUT WILL ACT... I'D RATHER MY SON BE IN JAIL THAN OUT ON THE STREETS GETTING HIGH... IT'LL BE THE HARDEST THING YOU'LLL EVER DO, BUT THINK OF IT AS SAVING A LIFE.... WOULD YOU RATHER SAVE A CHILDS LIFE OR BURY THEM?? NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.... YOU CAN ONLY HELP THOSE THAT WANT HELP... I REFUSE TO SUPPORT MY CHILD TAKING METHADONE OR SUBOXONE... WE RAISED THIS GENERATION TO HAVE A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT, SIMPLY CUZ WE NEVER REQUIRED THEM TO PERFORM TO ACHIEVE A GOAL ( RECIEVE SOMETHING I.E., X-BOX , ETC ) LITTLE JOHNNIE DOWN THE ROAD GOT ONE FROM HIS PARENTS AND WE CERTAINLY DIDNT WANT OUR KID TO HAVE THE ROTTEN PARENTS, SO THERE WE WERE,,,,, CAUGHT UP IN THE SAME GAME.... I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD, AND FOR WHATS IT WORTH YOU ARE NOT FIGHTING THIS BETTLE ALONE... THE REAL FRIGHTENING PART IS THIS!!! WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THESE KIDS WHEN WE DIE,,,,,, AND WE SHALL DIE AT SOME POINT IN TIME... WHAT THE HELL WILL THEY DO THEN??? MOST PROBABLY END UP IN AND OUT OF JAILS AND OR PRISONS UNTIL THEY SEE THE LIGHT, OR EVEN "OD"....
dwhib
 


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