What do I do?

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What do I do?

Unread postby Scared&Concerned » Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:01 pm

Hello. I'm a new mom and my son's father, now my ex is going through his second time of rehab within 8 months. We didn't have much of a relationship before I became pregnant but I always thought we had a good friendship. I found out about his addiction in October. 2 days later he went into rehab. At first he was doing well but I guess life became too complicated for him. He wasn't brought up to talk about his issues or things that bother him. I personally think that this is a big contributor to his habits. He was living with myself, our son and my mom for about 2 months when I discovered he had stolen money off my mom. I had previously caught him stealing off of me and even out of my sons piggy bank. His lies were continuous and he was always sleeping or moody. He admits he has an issue but I worry that he isn't going about it the right way getting help. After being kicked out of my house he then lost his job and from what I understand is living in a half-way house. Yet somehow has money for a cell phone? Ugh! I'm hurt. He barely asks about the baby (who is now almost 7 months old). He continuously says he doesn't want to speak to me. I have no idea why? What did I do? I'm a nice person and I know sometimes I'm too nice but I'm just concerned. My father passed away last August because he drank too much. He died of liver disease. I worry that things of this nature will be passed down to my son. Yes! I know I have a ways to go. I'm just angry and frustrated as to why my sons father doesn't want anything to do with? I've been good to him. I took him in when his parents didn't want him there. I paid for his cell phone for almost a year. Prior to me knowing he had a drug habit I lent him money. I was always good to him. I feel as though he was lost. A lot of our "short" relationship he seemed like he had a lot of pressure from home. I know this all seems like a rant but I'm not really sure what I should do. Do I just back off and leave it as is? I filed for support and custody of our son and he is aware of that. My intentions were never to hurt my sons father but to protect my son. I'm willing to work out an agreement in mediation but how can I do that if we don't even talk? It saddens me because he is missing out on so much with our son.... he is growing so fast. I guess I look at if maybe we talked and we worked on our friendship and he saw the baby more ... that he would want to get better himself... Help!?!
Scared&Concerned
 

Re: What do I do?

Unread postby Livlifeagain » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:22 am

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation, it must be very difficult to deal with, on top of being a new mother. My advice is that you file for child support and custody- you will most likely get sole custody. You need to let go of your child's father, remember only HE can change, you can't make him, you have given him opportunities, and he knows where to find you and his child if and when he is ready. Focus on taking care of yourself and your baby. Best wishes, Christine
Livlifeagain
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What do I do?

Unread postby formeraddict » Mon Aug 08, 2011 8:10 am

hi, i know exactly what you are going through. my boyfriend ad i met in rehab. which probably isn't the best place to meet a man, but he was awesome at first we were both sober we got an apartment and were living together we got jobs, everything was awesome. then one night he came home with crack, something i have never even seen but that was his drug of choice. of course he talked me into it and i tried it and loved it. we continued to get high for about a monh and lost everything. ended up selling everything in our house and got evicted. we then were too stubborn to leave each other because we were in love so we were homeless. litterally living in a train station or wherever was warm then and begging for money to eat and drink. we were homeless for about 2 months then his dad finally took us in. literally a week later i found out i was pregnant. i got my old job back as a waitress and was at work one night when i got a phone call that he was in jail bc he went out and got drunk and fought a cop. this went on and on for months. he would leave get high for a week or 2 and i wouldnt hear from him. it was horible i would never wish that on anyone. but im going to tell u as an addict we are totally different people when we are clean and sober. now he went back to rehab in march and i was about 7 months pregnant. i thank god every day for this day that he is sober and we are still together and have a family. but i had to basically give him that altematum, get sober or no baby. and by the grace of god he has been sober for almost 5 months. but it is always in the back of my mind, is he going to run off again and my son will not have a father. i am so affraid he will go out the next time and i will get that call that he is dead. it scares me to death. if he wants help, he will get it. if not there is no way you can make him. it is really sad but when someone is wrapped up in the game, it is so hard to get out. some people go and never come back. so i am going to tell you this, i wish i would have let go. i love him more than anything, but i wish i would have moved on and we could have just been friends. like i said everything is great now but it is always in the back of my head that he will relapse and never come back to us. my advice to you is to go to ALANON or NARANON meetings they will teach you how to cope with everything that is going on. they will teach you how to say no and to just be supportive of him getting the help he needs.
formeraddict
 

Re: What do I do?

Unread postby stronggirl » Mon Aug 15, 2011 6:19 pm

I am also a recovering addict,proud to say 8 years, and my new husband of 4 months spent tons of money, on probation and I too am afraid of him being taking away from me and our two children.........some one please talk to me
stronggirl
 


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